Thursday, June 30, 2011

Gollum, You Idiot!

Little kid #1: "Daddy, was Bilbo Baggins a liar?"

Dad: "Yes, he was."

Little kid #2: "What did he lie about?"

Dad: "I don't really remember, but he was a liar."

Random guy walking by: "He lied about Gollum and the ring, idiot!"

(Overheard by AJGL on the Eastern Prom)

Monday, June 27, 2011

Queen of the World

Congress Street man: "Fifteen million for a watch. A hundred million for a yacht. I'm the queen of the world. I'm the richest homosexual in the world."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Mess You Up

(Seen by EZF on a cooler full of beer at a high school graduation party)

John White

Smoking man #1: "I saw John White yesterday."

Smoking man #2, agitated: "John White's a murderer!"

Smoking man #1: "What? Who'd he murder?"

Smoking man #2: "ME!"

(Overheard by LKW outside a Cumberland Farms in Augusta)

Saturday, June 25, 2011


Older man to young woman: "Roger likes you. He really does. If you needed to borrow five dollars, you could get it from Roger."

(Overheard by LKW outside a Commercial Street bar)

Friday, June 24, 2011

They Just Don't Cut It

Elderly woman, to veggie/herb vendor at the farmer's market: "Lesbian shavers are great, but they just don't always cut it for me."

(Overheard by DC at the Monument Square farmer's market)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Clowns

Middle-aged woman, to two little girls: "I don't know if any more alcohol is such a good idea, since you've already had a donut and we have the clowns later."

(Overheard by DC at the Monument Square farmer's market)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Art walking man, to female friend: "I would be so embarrassed to see a naked baby!"

(Overheard by BCM at a Portland art gallery)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

That Never Works

One frowny teenager to another: "You tried to cheat on your girlfriend on Congress--that never works."

(Overheard by AP on Congress Street)

Monday, June 20, 2011

Just Like New York

Woman (pointing to parking lot): "If you park here you'll feel just like you were in New York City: someone will yell at you and everything."

(Overheard by JR in the West End)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Vive la Différence

Middle-aged L.L.Bean catalog woman to Trader Joe's worker: "What is the difference between the extra firm tofu and the firm tofu? Is it the taste?"

(Overheard by @jugglinggeese at Trader Joe's)

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Oh My God

Well-dressed man with Jesus sign who rides a bike: (preaches the gospel)

Passing man with 666 tattooed on his forehead, disgustedly: "Oh my GOD!"

(Overheard by Captain Confrontation in Congress Square)

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Welcome to Portland

Man shouting out his car window: "Does anybody know where I can get some god damn weed in this fucking town?!"

(Overheard by KT in Longfellow Square)

Friday, June 10, 2011

Did I Ask You if You Smoked?

Crazy customer: "Hey, you got a lighter?"

Barista: "No, I'm sorry. I don't smoke..."


(Overheard by KT at Coffee By Design on Congress Street)

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

A Dollar Fifty

Skinny guy with basketball shorts, a wife beater, and calf tattoos: "Hey! Hey! Ask him about CJ borrowing a dollar-fifty. SERIOUSLY, DO that."

CJ's friend: "I will! I will!"

CJ: "Tell 'em, 'CJ wants a dolla-fifty for a bee-ahh! For a Pabst...'"

(Overheard by EC on Brackett Street)

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Hey, Bro

One guy to another: "I'm not gonna be like, 'Hey, bro, don't do this, like, ever, but we're gonna go pick up some prostitutes...'"

(Overheard by JW on Congress Street)

Monday, June 06, 2011

Very Problematic

Thirty-something professional man, to fifty-something professional male companion: "It's NOT a wine bar. You have to order food too. And there are all these disgusting tattoos...on women. It's very problematic."

(Overheard by AN outside Figa on Congress Street)

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Hey Girl

Red-haired teenage boy, with a knowing smile, to passing man: "Hey girl."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

You're Too Good For Her

Lady buying movie tickets: "You're nice. Want to meet my daughter? Sure. Well, to be honest, you're too good for her."

(Overheard by @iwasthewalrus at the Nickelodeon)