Monday, August 26, 2013

New Trader Joe's Slogan: It's Real Wine--The Good S***.

First guy: "Man, I like to get a 42 ounce can of Arizona Iced Tea. Drink like half and then fill it up with Wild Irish Rose...sit on the porch. Just watch people walk by."

Second guy: "I do that too."

First guy: "Wild Irish Rose?"

Second guy: "No. I hate that shit. Man, real wine's just three or four dollars more. Shit, $2.87 at Trader Joe's. It's…"

First guy: "What? Trader Joe's?"

Second guy: "Two-buck Chuck. Fucking $2.87 and it's real wine. The good shit."

First guy: "Wow. Where?"

Second guy: "Trader Joe's. It's like a supermarket."

First guy: "Man. (Lets out a long sigh.) I wish I could find that place."

(Overheard by BD on the Metro bus)

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Jerry at the Yellow House

Drunk guy #1: "You seen Jerry lately?"

Drunk guy #2: "Naw. I don't go to the yellow house anymore."

Drunk guy #1: "He's fine through the first 40, but then he gets the second one in him and he's crazy. He was this morning, anyway."

(Overheard by BD on the Metro bus)

Friday, August 23, 2013

Work Ethic

First drunk guy: "You up for another 40 now?"

Second drunk guy: "I don't have time for a 40. I gotta go to work."

(Overheard by BD on the Metro bus)

Thursday, August 22, 2013

High Standards

Stout fellow in business suit, to companion: "Basically, I have to get Jesus to pee on it before he'll take it."

(Overheard by TC on Congress Street)

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Which They All Promptly Did

Father, to sons: "Now lift up your arms, and let the wind rush into your armpits!"

(Overheard by DM in front of the Nickelodeon)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Do You Even Need to Ask?

Little girl to father: "Daddy, are seagulls really rats with wings?"

(Overheard by AH in front of the Portland Museum of Art)

Friday, August 16, 2013


Dad (trying to get two kids to stop pushing each other): "Hey, hey, hey!"

(No response from the kids)

Dad (yelling): "Hey, hey means hey!"

(Overheard by JR at the Portland Farmers Market)