Friday, May 29, 2015

Mocha Latte

Woman, muttering, as barista makes her a mocha latte: "Ooh, come to Mama..."




(Overheard by JL at the Gorham Grind)

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Barbecue sauce

Exasperated mother to small boy in shopping cart: "You don't need a bottle of barbecue sauce. What are you going to do with a bottle of BARBECUE sauce?"




(Overheard by ETS at Market Basket in Biddeford)

Monday, May 25, 2015

You're Probably Right

College student: "If someone's taking that much cash out of an ATM in Portland, it's for only one of two things: ethnic food or weed."




(Overheard slightly south of Portland)

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Define "Gay"

Older man looking at movie posters, to female companion: "Mad Max is gay. Making a machine a woman--that's gay."




(Overheard by JR outside the Nickelodeon)

Monday, April 20, 2015

The Creative Economy

Woman 1: "She's, like, 30 and has never had a real job."

Woman 2: "What does she do? Make arts and crafts and sell crap on Etsy?"






(Overheard by MS on Congress Street)

Friday, April 17, 2015

Mrs. Baldwin

Teenage girl: "Mrs. Baldwin?"

Older woman: "Oh dear."

Girl: "What are you doing here?"

Mrs. Baldwin: "I won't tell if you don't."






(Overheard in the middle of a school day at Target in South Portland)

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Herbivores

Middle school kid, to friend: "I'm pretty sure Canadians are herbivores."






(Overheard by Anonymous at a Portland middle school)

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Smart People

Young woman to friend: "Naomi Watts--she is in all those movies that smart people like."






(Overheard by JR at Videoport)

Monday, April 13, 2015

Then Again...

One young man to another: "Just because you smoke crack doesn't make you a crackhead...but then again, it does."






(Overheard by STF near OhNo Cafe)

Monday, March 02, 2015

On Point

Young woman to friend: "In other news, my eyebrows are on point today."





(Overheard by LW in Augusta)

Important Things

Woman to friends: "That dress was everywhere--Facebook, the Today Show. Shouldn't we be talking about more important things? Leonard Nimoy died. Shouldn't we be talking about how cool he was?"



(Overheard by JR at The Holy Donut)

Monday, February 23, 2015

Someone, Show Her How!

Older woman, plaintively: "I wish I knew how to text."




(Overheard by JR at Maine Medical Center)

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Tacos

Woman 1: "Do you need any taco shells?"

Woman 2: "Why?"

Woman 1: "I have so many of them at home."

Woman 2: "Why do you have so many?"

Woman 1: "I buy them for the taco packets they come with, but I never eat that many tacos. I just put it on the meat and eat it that way."

Woman 2: "Why don't you buy the seasoning separately?"

Woman 1: "You can buy it separately?"





(Overheard by AS at Tulsi in Kittery)

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Why?

Boy, to his mother, coming out of "Selma": "Why did that movie make me cry?"




(Overheard by JR at the Nickelodeon Cinemas)

Friday, January 09, 2015

Theatre of the Absurd

Six year old boy: "Do you think the doctor will get a whale for the fish tank?

Father: "Mmm, whales are pretty big, and I don't think there'd be room for one."

Boy: "Well...I like spider webs."





(Overheard by JL in a South Portland pediatrician's office waiting room)

Monday, January 05, 2015

Happy New Year!

Coughing man: "I have bronchitis. At least I'm not dead. All of my friends are dead. You don't even know you have friends until they start dying on you."





(Overheard by ZWH at the Congress Street Rite Aid)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Tastes Like Chicken

Woman, to friend: "Chicken is the tofu of meat."




(Overheard by JR at Space Gallery)

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Everyone Loves the Beach

Woman #1: "I can't believe that she even dated someone who doesn't like the beach."

Woman #2: "Does she really like going to the beach?"

Woman #1: "EVERYONE LOVES THE BEACH."

Woman #2: "He doesn't."

Woman #1: "That's my point--he is the exception."





(Overheard by JR on Temple Street)

Monday, November 17, 2014

Magic Hat

Student: "I like to wear a hat when I study, because then I feel productive."




(Overheard by ARA at UNE)

Friday, October 03, 2014

Jack the Ripper

9 year old girl (reading poster): "Who's Jack the Ripper?"

11 year old girl: "He victimized women in London in, like, the 1800s."

9 year old: "Why did he do that?"

11 year old:  "Because he was a woman hater."

9 year old: "Well, that's just stupid."




(Overhead by EL at Portland Ballet)

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Aphrodite

(Two fifth grade boys discussing which Greek gods they're pretending to be)

First boy: "Well I think you'd make a great Aphrodite!"

Second boy: "Oh what, you're calling me beautiful? I can live with that!" 





(Overheard by JH on the Ocean Avenue School playground)

Monday, September 29, 2014

The Benefits are Questionable

Youngish guy, shouting: "The benefits? The benefits!? The benefits are herpes!"




(Overheard by JH through the window on Emery Street)

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Maybe She's Thinking of Marigolds

Enthusiastic middle-aged tourist lady, examining a gross-looking seagull feather on the sidewalk: "Who needs to go to India where they throw roses? There are feathers everywhere!"



(Overheard by ZWH on Congress Street)

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Time Travel and Everything

One guy to another: "When you describe it to me, it doesn't sound like something I'd be interested in...I mean, time travel and everything."



(Overheard at Yordprom Coffee Co)

Monday, August 04, 2014

My Philosophy

Hard living busker guy: "Burn through the night, fuck up the day."




(Overheard by JR in Monument Square)

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Hipster Wedding

Hipster lady: "I arrived at my wedding on a cow. Behind a cow. I was driving the cow, from a wagon."




(Overheard by JSF on Crescent Beach)

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Process of Elimination

Boy (to father): "Is this City Hall?"

Father: "Yes."

Boy (to me, waiting in line to pay parking ticket): "Are you the Mayor?"

Me: "No, sorry."

Boy (to father): "I am going to keep asking. Someone in this building has to be the Mayor."




(Overheard by Mayor JR at Portland City Hall)

Friday, June 13, 2014

Fan Club

Middle school boy #1: "I love Scarlett Johansson!"

Middle school boy #2: "I love Scarlett Johansson too!"

Middle school boy #1: "Yeah, she just, like, kills everybody!"





(Overheard in front of King Middle School)

Monday, June 02, 2014

Grown-ass

One 12 year-old to another: "You got mothafuckin' chest hair and shit. You a grown-ass man. You can't be riding a mothafuckin' BMX no more."




(Overheard by AS near the old Public Market building)

Friday, May 30, 2014

Sweet!

First kid: "Simple syrup, what's that?"

Second kid: "It's just water with a ton of sugar in it."

First kid: (Raises eyebrows at friend.)

Second kid: (High fives first kid.)






(Overheard by KJ at Omi's Coffee Shop)