Tuesday, November 10, 2015


Man on cell phone, proclaiming: "I have to handle the Amy Schumer fallout and then I can deal with you."

(Overheard by AW on Fore Street)

Thursday, November 05, 2015


First smoking guy: "I know a joke."

Second smoking guy: "What is it?"

First guy: "How do you teach a handkerchief to dance?"

Second guy: "I have no idea."

First guy: "Put a little boogie in it."


(Overheard by JR on Cumberland Avenue)

Sunday, October 18, 2015

I Can Believe It

Drunk guy to friend: "I drink half a gallon a night--I can't be drunk. I can't believe they kicked me out!"

(Overheard by AS in front of Portland House of Music)

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Call Your Girlfriend

Barefoot dude with unbuttoned shirt, to walking guy: "Hey man. Can I borrow your phone to make a call? I need to call my girlfriend 'cause..."

Guy (still walking): "I can't let you do that, man."

Barefoot dude: "Well, why not? Is it out of battery or something? Or is it because you're a stupid motherfucker?"

Guy (still walking, over his shoulder): "Yeah! The second one!"

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

We're in Maine Now

Young woman to young man: "We forgot the fuckin' football, didn't we?"

Young man: "Watch your mouth. We're not in New Hampshire anymore."

(Overheard by AG at Rite Aid in Fryeburg)

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Let Down Your Hair

Man on a bench at 7:45am, making eye contact with passing woman as he finishes a small bottle of whiskey: "What you lookin' at, Rapunzel?"

(Overheard by EN on Congress Street)

Monday, June 01, 2015

Former Florida Man

Older lady, to group of people at bus stop: "Well, I lived in Florida once, and I wasn't so crazy about it..."

Older man, interrupting loudly: "I lived in Florida for two years, and I hated every single minute of it!"

(Overheard at the bus stop in front of the Back Cove Hannaford)

Friday, May 29, 2015

Mocha Latte

Woman, muttering, as barista makes her a mocha latte: "Ooh, come to Mama..."

(Overheard by JL at the Gorham Grind)

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Barbecue sauce

Exasperated mother to small boy in shopping cart: "You don't need a bottle of barbecue sauce. What are you going to do with a bottle of BARBECUE sauce?"

(Overheard by ETS at Market Basket in Biddeford)

Monday, May 25, 2015

You're Probably Right

College student: "If someone's taking that much cash out of an ATM in Portland, it's for only one of two things: ethnic food or weed."

(Overheard slightly south of Portland)

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Define "Gay"

Older man looking at movie posters, to female companion: "Mad Max is gay. Making a machine a woman--that's gay."

(Overheard by JR outside the Nickelodeon)

Monday, April 20, 2015

The Creative Economy

Woman 1: "She's, like, 30 and has never had a real job."

Woman 2: "What does she do? Make arts and crafts and sell crap on Etsy?"

(Overheard by MS on Congress Street)

Friday, April 17, 2015

Mrs. Baldwin

Teenage girl: "Mrs. Baldwin?"

Older woman: "Oh dear."

Girl: "What are you doing here?"

Mrs. Baldwin: "I won't tell if you don't."

(Overheard in the middle of a school day at Target in South Portland)

Thursday, April 16, 2015


Middle school kid, to friend: "I'm pretty sure Canadians are herbivores."

(Overheard by Anonymous at a Portland middle school)

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Smart People

Young woman to friend: "Naomi Watts--she is in all those movies that smart people like."

(Overheard by JR at Videoport)

Monday, April 13, 2015

Then Again...

One young man to another: "Just because you smoke crack doesn't make you a crackhead...but then again, it does."

(Overheard by STF near OhNo Cafe)

Monday, March 02, 2015

On Point

Young woman to friend: "In other news, my eyebrows are on point today."

(Overheard by LW in Augusta)

Important Things

Woman to friends: "That dress was everywhere--Facebook, the Today Show. Shouldn't we be talking about more important things? Leonard Nimoy died. Shouldn't we be talking about how cool he was?"

(Overheard by JR at The Holy Donut)

Monday, February 23, 2015

Someone, Show Her How!

Older woman, plaintively: "I wish I knew how to text."

(Overheard by JR at Maine Medical Center)

Wednesday, February 18, 2015


Woman 1: "Do you need any taco shells?"

Woman 2: "Why?"

Woman 1: "I have so many of them at home."

Woman 2: "Why do you have so many?"

Woman 1: "I buy them for the taco packets they come with, but I never eat that many tacos. I just put it on the meat and eat it that way."

Woman 2: "Why don't you buy the seasoning separately?"

Woman 1: "You can buy it separately?"

(Overheard by AS at Tulsi in Kittery)

Tuesday, January 20, 2015


Boy, to his mother, coming out of "Selma": "Why did that movie make me cry?"

(Overheard by JR at the Nickelodeon Cinemas)

Friday, January 09, 2015

Theatre of the Absurd

Six year old boy: "Do you think the doctor will get a whale for the fish tank?

Father: "Mmm, whales are pretty big, and I don't think there'd be room for one."

Boy: "Well...I like spider webs."

(Overheard by JL in a South Portland pediatrician's office waiting room)

Monday, January 05, 2015

Happy New Year!

Coughing man: "I have bronchitis. At least I'm not dead. All of my friends are dead. You don't even know you have friends until they start dying on you."

(Overheard by ZWH at the Congress Street Rite Aid)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Tastes Like Chicken

Woman, to friend: "Chicken is the tofu of meat."

(Overheard by JR at Space Gallery)

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Everyone Loves the Beach

Woman #1: "I can't believe that she even dated someone who doesn't like the beach."

Woman #2: "Does she really like going to the beach?"


Woman #2: "He doesn't."

Woman #1: "That's my point--he is the exception."

(Overheard by JR on Temple Street)

Monday, November 17, 2014

Magic Hat

Student: "I like to wear a hat when I study, because then I feel productive."

(Overheard by ARA at UNE)

Friday, October 03, 2014

Jack the Ripper

9 year old girl (reading poster): "Who's Jack the Ripper?"

11 year old girl: "He victimized women in London in, like, the 1800s."

9 year old: "Why did he do that?"

11 year old:  "Because he was a woman hater."

9 year old: "Well, that's just stupid."

(Overhead by EL at Portland Ballet)

Wednesday, October 01, 2014


(Two fifth grade boys discussing which Greek gods they're pretending to be)

First boy: "Well I think you'd make a great Aphrodite!"

Second boy: "Oh what, you're calling me beautiful? I can live with that!" 

(Overheard by JH on the Ocean Avenue School playground)

Monday, September 29, 2014

The Benefits are Questionable

Youngish guy, shouting: "The benefits? The benefits!? The benefits are herpes!"

(Overheard by JH through the window on Emery Street)

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Maybe She's Thinking of Marigolds

Enthusiastic middle-aged tourist lady, examining a gross-looking seagull feather on the sidewalk: "Who needs to go to India where they throw roses? There are feathers everywhere!"

(Overheard by ZWH on Congress Street)