Monday, December 10, 2018

Avocados Have Feelings Too

Teacher to class: “Has anyone had an avocado?”

Second grader: “No, I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t eat meat.”



(Overheard by ARA at an elementary school outside of Portland)

Friday, November 30, 2018

Kids These Days

Second grade teacher, reading an informational book about knights: “And Sir Lancelot fought for Lady...“

Student: “Gaga?!”




(Overheard at an elementary school west of Portland)

Monday, November 05, 2018

Hannaford Paleontologist

Boy: "There are dinosaurs in the store!"
Dad: "Real dinosaurs?"
Boy: "Yeah."
Dad: "What aisle are they in? Frozen vegetables?"
Boy: (unintelligible)
Dad: "Oh, they're carnivores. They're in the meat department then."



(Overheard by ETS at Hannaford in Biddeford)

Tuesday, October 09, 2018

Communication problems

European Woman, quietly: "I’d like a latte macchiato, please."

Employee, not quite hearing her: "Sorry, what?"

European Woman, thinking that that the employee didn’t understand her phrasing: "I wish, please, to consume a latte macchiato."



(Overheard by JL at the Rusty Lantern on Congress Street)

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

The Most Important Meal of the Day

Person, to friend: "You know what I just realized? I don't even like breakfast pizza!"






(Overheard by AJL in front of the Hilltop Superette on Congress Street).

Friday, September 14, 2018

Island Mystery

One tourist to another: "I'm sure there are more shops on the island, because how else do they make money if they live here?"




(Overheard by JF Downfront on Peaks Island)

Monday, August 06, 2018

Better Order the Pho

Woman to dining companion: "I like things white girl spicy. You know, just a little bit of pepper."




(Overheard by JR at Cong Tu Bot)

Thursday, August 02, 2018

Kids These Days

Eight or nine year-old boy, yelling at barking dog as he runs by: "Arf arf, bitch!"




(Overheard by MR on High Street in South Portland)

Monday, July 30, 2018

The Original Bullshitters

Man, lecturing family members on the history of the Mayflower: "They were effective at convincing everybody that they were hot shit, but they weren't the first settlers."




(Overheard at Pool Lobster at Goldthwaite's in Biddeford Pool)

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Lobster Roll

Young man, to Canadian tourists: "I want to move to Canada!"

Canadian: "Oh really? Why?"

Young man: "Because I'm gonna be straight homeless in New York, and I'm losing my health insurance."

Canadian: "So where's the best place around here for a lobster roll?"




(Overheard by IWH on Mackworth Island)

Friday, February 23, 2018

The Funny Thing About Bill

Older woman to younger woman: "The funny thing about Bill is that although he has great taste when it comes to furnishings, and a great eye for art, when it comes to food he is just an old white guy."





(Overheard by JR at Mami)

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

Hugging the City Councillor

Man to friends: "I had the weirdest dream: I saw Jill Duson, and I ran up to her and gave her a huge hug and started sobbing and sobbing."



(Overheard on Brighton Avenue)

Monday, October 30, 2017

Priorities

Person to companion: "People who dress their dogs? I don't even have time to dress myself."




(Overheard by MBF at Maelily Ryleigh's)

Monday, October 23, 2017

Same.

Woman to co-workers: "I would definitely rather watch porn than go to Kennebunk."




(Overheard in the office at SPACE Gallery)

Thursday, October 19, 2017

He'd Be Hirsute

First grader to teacher: "What if a man had a beard so long it went all the way to New Jersey?"




(Overheard by ARA at an elementary school north of Portland)

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Videoport Throw Back

First Man in porn nook: "'Girls Gone Wild: My Big Breakfast'…?"

Second Man in porn nook: "That says 'BREASTS.' 'My Big BREASTS.'"

First Man: "Oh. I thought it said 'breakfast.'"




(Overheard years ago by JL at Videoport)

Friday, October 06, 2017

Some Days It Sure Feels Like It

First grader to teacher: "Are you going to teach until you die?"






(Overheard by ARA at an elementary school north of Portland)

Monday, September 04, 2017

Capitalism in a Nutshell

One bro to another: "That's capitalism in a nutshell, bro. That's capitalism in a nutshell, bro. That's capitalism in a nutshell, bro."




(Overheard by AS on Congress Street near Empire)

Friday, August 25, 2017

Dog People

Woman (watching dogs play): "Sometimes she chases every dog she sees, and sometimes she's not interested in playing at all."

Man: "Yeah, my dog wants to meet every dog he sees, but he really only ever plays with like a third of them. Mostly he just sniffs and moves on."

Woman:"I guess we shouldn't underestimate their intelligence. I don't want to talk to most of the people I meet."

Man: "Me too."

(silence)




(Overheard by JR at Willard Beach)

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

The Sound of Summer

Guy, swirling ice cubes in iced coffee, to friend: "Hey, I'm a Foley artist! That's the sound of summer!"

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Back to the Future

One tourist to another: "I love Portland! People riding bikes, sitting on benches, eating ice cream... It's just like the 1950s!"



(Overheard by SH on Moulton Street)

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

A Regular Shithole

Person #1 to Person #2: "Portland? It's so busy. And it used to be nothing! It used to be a regular shithole."





(Overheard by AS near The Sock Shack on Congress Street)

Monday, July 10, 2017

The Real Portland

Tourist 1 to Tourist 2, crossing Temple Street toward Monument Square: "Now we're in the real Portland. Not boutique-y Portland."




(Overheard by SH near Monument Square)

Tuesday, May 02, 2017

The Answer To This Question Is Always Yes

Person 1 to Person 2, gesturing toward their pooping dog: "Do you think I need to pick that up?"

Person 2: "Nah."




(Overheard by J and C outside Quarry Run Dog Park)

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

My Wish


(Seen by MK on Ocean Avenue)

Monday, February 06, 2017

Protest Fatigue

Locally famous school librarian, to friend: "Just got off work, and now I'm going to another goddamned demonstration."




(Overheard on Congress Street before the Rally Against the Muslim Immigration Ban)

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Jewish Time Zone

Teacher:  (Briefly explains the Jewish calendar.)

Student: "Isn't Jewish like three hours ahead of us?"






(Overheard by ARA at a Portland area school)

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Dentist in Training

Young dental student, to another young dental student: "Oh my God, I had to do this extraction, and I could not get #15 out! I was seriously trying for like an hour. I can barely feel my hands now!"





(Overheard at the Starbucks on Forest Avenue)

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Good Advice

Six year old girl to woman: "Tell her to listen to punk rock music. It will make her feel confident."






(Overheard by ER at a block party in Deering Center)

Monday, August 22, 2016

You Wouldn't Understand, It's an American Thing

Woman, gesturing at the crowd singing along with "Hamilton": "How do they know all the words?"

Singer: "Oh--well, they've been listening to the cast recording and singing along."

Woman: "But...I don't understand. What is it? I'm Canadian."






(Overheard at the Hamilton Singalong in Congress Square Park)