Monday, April 21, 2014

Red Sox Fan

Loud airline passenger, as his plane began its descent over Citi Field, home of the New York Mets: “Wow! Look! Yankee Stadium! Cool!” And then more quietly, “I hate the fucking Yankees."




(Overheard by MP on a PWM to LGA flight)

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

An Observation

Beer-swilling Sea Dogs fan, every time the opposing team's pitcher threw the ball: "PITCHER HAS A BIG BUTT!"



(Overheard by JR at Hadlock Field)

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Hirsute Derriere

Teenage boy, to friends: "Did you like that Snapchat of my hairy ass?"

Teenage girl: "I thought that was your arm! Asses get that hairy?"




(Overheard by CC on Clinton Street)

Monday, April 14, 2014

No, I Didn't

Smiling man with a hand-lettered cardboard sign reading: “Did you know Liberce (sic) was bald?”



(Seen by DC on Middle Street)

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Chim Chiminey Chim Chim Cheree

Older gruff man in work shirt to similarly dressed man: "I could make a killing in this town. Sweeping chimneys, man? I could make a killing."




(Overheard by IWH near Joe's Super Variety Store)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

White Lines

70-something lady to her older gentleman companion: "I only do cocaine when I'm not home."




(Overheard by LEB at Silly's)

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

It Gets Better

Young woman, to friend: "You've gotten a lot better. I've only seen you puke that bad twice. I used to worry you'd puke on my couch when you'd stay over."




(Overheard by AS at Jimmy the Greek's in South Portland)

Monday, March 10, 2014

Ask a Silly Question

Woman: "I see you have a watch on. Do you know what time it is?"  

Little boy: "It's right now!"



(Overheard by LR at 302 West Smokehouse & Tavern in Fryeburg)

Friday, March 07, 2014

Your Mom is Everywhere

Future bridesmaid, to other future bridesmaids: "Now my mom has Snapchat."



(Overheard by AS at Jimmy the Greek's in South Portland)

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

THAT'S Ohio

First college girl: "I can't even imagine what Ohio is like."

Second college girl: "Okay, I'm going to this American themed party. I have to wear, like, America all over my body and drink beer all night. In a bar. THAT'S Ohio."



(Overheard at the Portland Transportation Center)

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Free At Last

School bus driver, hollering out the window: "Juny Judeson retired! He just walked off! He's on a cruise now!"




(Overheard by IWH on a Portland Public School bus)

Monday, March 03, 2014

Actually, Good Question

Person #1, to Person #2: "You have an iPhone? What's the "i" stand for?"




(Overheard by RC at the Gulf of Maine Research Institute)

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

You Know Me

Middle-aged guy, to his buddy: "You know me, sometimes I wear pants."




(Overheard by TEK at Mama's Crowbar)

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Reading Comprehension

Woman to Friend: "Oh my God, I just realized that this novel I have been reading is YA. It has a reading guide at the end and everything."




(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

Monday, February 17, 2014

Good Idea

Man in bathroom stall, on cell phone: "I'm going to try drinking some cranberry juice to see if that helps."



(Overheard by AS at Target)

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Job Hunting

Young woman, to her friend: "I mean, I can't work at Target. I'm a Bates graduate!"




(Overheard quite a bit south of Portland)

Friday, January 17, 2014

Zero Dollars

Little kid: "Dad, why don't they make a $0 bill?"

Dad: "Well, what would you do with it?"

Little kid: "Pretend it's a $50 bill?"




(Overheard by BD on the Metro bus)

Friday, November 08, 2013

Your Mom

Written on the bathroom wall: "Only those bold enough to dream big seem big."

Written underneath: "Your mom must dream really big."





(Seen by IWH in the restroom at the South Portland Goodwill)

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Fall

Elderly gentleman #1, looking up: "Man, I really like fall. Do you like fall?"

Elderly gentleman #2, also looking up: "Yeeaahh."




(Overheard by MA on Preble Street)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Dilemma

Woman on cell phone: "He's great when he's sober. He's just never fucking sober."



(Overheard by AB near the Eastland Park Hotel)

Monday, October 14, 2013

Real Swell

Guy to friends: "Chris is real swell. He bailed me out of jail."



(Overheard by AB in front of Paul's Food Center)

Saturday, October 12, 2013

The Dog Whisperer of Maine

One lunch lady to another: "Yeah, he charges $175 a day."

Second lunch lady: "Wait, who?"

First lunch lady: "The dog whisperer of Maine!"




(Overheard at Casco Bay High School)

Friday, October 11, 2013

Hate Crime

Woman, earnestly: "I like those wood carvings, but I feel that they are a hate crime against trees."



(Overheard by JR at First Friday Art Walk)

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Quiet Dad, You're Embarrassing Me

Man, smelling his jacket: "Man, this jacket smells like butt."



(Overheard by IWH in the waiting room of Just For Kids Pediatric Dentistry)

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

You Should See My Dentist

Middle aged man, looking at his phone, to no one in particular: "God, my pharmacist is gorgeous."




(Overheard by DM at Local Sprouts)

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Three Things

Hip grandma to friend: "Fireworks are one of the three illegal things I enjoy."




(Overheard by JR at Crema Coffee)

Monday, September 09, 2013

Fascinating.

30-year-old-nerdish guy to bored-looking 70-year-old-lady: "You know, if you asked me what my favorite type of 18th-century sailing ship is, I'd have to say...a Bermuda-rigged topsail sloop."



(Overheard by BD on the Metro bus)

Monday, August 26, 2013

New Trader Joe's Slogan: It's Real Wine--The Good S***.

First guy: "Man, I like to get a 42 ounce can of Arizona Iced Tea. Drink like half and then fill it up with Wild Irish Rose...sit on the porch. Just watch people walk by."

Second guy: "I do that too."

First guy: "Wild Irish Rose?"

Second guy: "No. I hate that shit. Man, real wine's just three or four dollars more. Shit, $2.87 at Trader Joe's. It's…"

First guy: "What? Trader Joe's?"

Second guy: "Two-buck Chuck. Fucking $2.87 and it's real wine. The good shit."

First guy: "Wow. Where?"

Second guy: "Trader Joe's. It's like a supermarket."

First guy: "Man. (Lets out a long sigh.) I wish I could find that place."




(Overheard by BD on the Metro bus)

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Jerry at the Yellow House

Drunk guy #1: "You seen Jerry lately?"

Drunk guy #2: "Naw. I don't go to the yellow house anymore."

Drunk guy #1: "He's fine through the first 40, but then he gets the second one in him and he's crazy. He was this morning, anyway."





(Overheard by BD on the Metro bus)

Friday, August 23, 2013

Work Ethic

First drunk guy: "You up for another 40 now?"

Second drunk guy: "I don't have time for a 40. I gotta go to work."





(Overheard by BD on the Metro bus)