Television

Woman to friend: "I mainly watch shows where bad things happen to celebrities."




(Overheard by JR at Speckled Ax)

History Lesson

Young woman: "I feel like a slave of Egypt...In the Holocaust."




(Overheard by CW on Sherman Street)

Facing the Facts

Woman on cellphone: "You don't got no furniture! You been smokin' coke, too!"




(Overheard by MB in Hannaford)

Whale Tail

70-ish guy with a slow southern drawl: "A whale tail? You know what a whale tail is, right? It's the top piece of a woman's thong. You know, she's bending over a bit, and you see the top part. The whale tail."

Toothless, townie guy at the nearby bar (with a drink in his hand):  "Hey man, you've been on the Internet, haven't you?"





(Overheard by MH at J's Oyster)

In or Out

Tall man, wearing a hat, to no one in particular: "There's only one way in or out: BURN ALIVE."





(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

A Select Clientele

Woman to Male Friend: "I want it to be the kind of place that attracts artists and musicians, not riffraff."




(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

Sacrifice for Savings

Woman (pointing to a box of macaroni and cheese): "I buy these at Walmart."

Second Woman: "Are they a good deal?"

Woman: "I never eat them, so they are a great deal for me."





(Overheard by JR at the USM campus store)

Don't We All?

Scruffy-looking older guy, to pal: "I wonder what cavity searches are like..."




(Overheard by HC at the corner of Franklin and Commercial Street)

Meteorology Dreams

Guy, to dining companions: "I love weather research--it's where my heart is."




(Overheard by WH at Applebee's in Portland)

The Truth

Girl in line, to sales clerk: "Let me tell you thumthing. If thumone tellth you that it doethn't hurt to get your tongue pierthed, don't believe them--it thure doeth hurt!"




(Overheard by KC at the CVS on Congress Street)

The Dating Game

Young man on cell phone: "Yeah, she's a functioning drug addict. Unlike my last girlfriend, who was just an asshole."




(Overheard by BS outside the Portland Public Library)

Between Popes

One old salty dog to another: "Fish n' chips? Fish n'chips? Why you gettin' fish n' chips instead of chili?"

Second salty dog: "It's Friday. Gotta eat fish on Friday."

First salty dog: "No you don't! Ain't no pope: you can eat chili!"





(Overheard by Mindy at Three Dollar Deweys)

Prince Charming

Woman to friend: "I know he smokes crack and wets the bed sometimes, but he's all about me."





(Overheard by VB in the women's restroom at Spring Point Tavern)

How About if I Give You 50 Cents NOT To?

Fellow pushing a cart, to young woman: "Hey, excuse me. If I tell you a joke...will you give me 50 cents?"





(Overheard by MS on Congress Street near Joe's Smoke Shop)

Baby's First Word

Woman: "I'm teaching my baby to say 'chakra!'"





(Overheard by HC in Mexicali Blues)

Both Trendy and Useful

Guy: "I don't question fashion, I just follow the trends!"

Woman: I just don't understand what makes cargo shorts out but fanny packs in, you know what I mean?"

Guy: "At least you can store your drugs in either one."





(Overheard by AS on Congress Street)

Anarchists vs Libertarians

Mother to teenage son: "Well, anarchists frustrate me sometimes, but libertarians make me sick."





(Overheard near USM)

Cutest Cities

Man to woman: "It's cute in San Francisco. It's not cute in Portland, Maine."

Woman to man: "Patrick! Yes it is!"





(Overheard by IWH on Exchange Street)

Sweet Potato Fries and Broccolini

Man perusing frozen grocery section: "...broccolini..."

Kid in cart: "Sweet potato fries!"

Man: "Oho, but we're going to make our own sweet potato fries, aren't we? But yes, you're right, those are premade sweet potato fries."





(Overheard at the Back Cove Hannaford)

A Pigeon By Any Other Name

Two year-old (pointing to bird): "Pee-jun."

Hip young dad: "Yes, that is a pigeon. Another much prettier name for it is Rock Dove."

Hip young mom: "Oh yes, that is much prettier for a name. It is a dove, after all. We'll call it a Rock Dove from now on!"

Two year-old (pointing to bird): "Pee-jun."






(Overheard by KC outside Longfellow Books)

Conspiracy Theorist

Normal-looking middle-aged woman: "I could tell you things that'd make your head spin. Especially about nine-eleven of 2001."





(Overheard by SP at Coffee By Design on Congress Street)

Pride

Young man on cell phone: "No, Mom, I refuse to work there. A chain? There's no pride in working at Applebee's, Mom."






(Overheard by AJL on the Metro bus)

Married Life

Old drunk man: "My wife asked me to take out the garbage. I told her, 'You cooked it--you take it out.'"




(Overheard by MK at Amigos)

Soulmates

One haggard old man to another: "You know and the shitty thing is she didn't realize that we both love dolphins."





(Overheard by HC outside of the Time and Temperature building)

Fun and Games

One woman to another, shouting: "IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE GETS CUT WITH A RAZOR BLADE. Actually, even then I guess it could still be fun, but y'know..."





(Overheard by MS in front of Reny's)

Money

Panhandler, replying to pedestrian: "'Sorry.' Yeah, I'll be sorry, too, when I have money."





(Overheard by LW in Monument Square)

Like a Boot

Hipster 1: "Why doesn't LL Bean brew beer?"

Hipster 2: "Yeah, that would be really popular..."

Hipster 1: "But I guess we know how it would taste--like a boot."





(Overheard by AW at Hilltop Coffee Shop)

State Street Confucius

Bald man, to passerby: "Trying to have a good night, sir. But disrespect is disrespect, ain't it?"




(Overheard by DM on State Street)

The Morning After

20-something woman in gold lamé leggings, to friend: "There was so much safe sex going on in that room last night."





(Overheard by AP at 11:20 am on Congress Street)

If You Want

Weathered man, to group of weathered men, in a very matter-of-fact conversational tone: "I have my knife with me. I could put it in him if you want."





(Overheard by MS in front of the Station A Post Office on Congress Street)