Saturday, May 30, 2009

Narwhals are Cool

Man: "I really need a cigarette."

Boy: "Yeah, narwhals are cool!"

(Overheard at The Green Elephant)

Friday, May 29, 2009

Mom's Pajamas

Preschooler #1, to Preschooler #2: "Why did your dad put his penis in your mom's pajamas?"

(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at the lunch table in a Portland area preschool)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Computer Smart

By the voices; estimated guess is 30ish males:
arguing as they walk down the street -

Hey listen, listen I'm computer smart and I get virus and shit. So don't tell me....

as they continue down the street.

Heard on Park Street around noon, from a window as they passed by

It's In The Air

Teen Boy #1: "Dude, Dude, wait!"

Teen Boy #2: "Huh...?"

Teen Boy #3: "Man, we're in Maine. You gotta recycle that!"

(Overheard by the trash & recycle bins at Whole Foods)

Living the Examined Life

Cook/Proprietor (handing menu to passerby): "Here you are sir."

Possible Customer (noticing that the menu has twelve items on it): "So, I'd have to eat here a dozen times?"

Cook/Proprietor (confused): "Excuse me?"

Possible Customer: "There are twelve items on your menu; it would take me a dozen times to try them all."

Cook/Proprietor: "You could, or some people just stick to one thing that they like. Like this young man (indicating me), he just gets the falafel."

Me: (Feeling a little awkward at being singled out) "The falafel is quite good."

Possible Customer (To himself as he walks away): "But if I just ate the same thing, how would I know that I actually liked it?"

(Overheard by JR at Spartan Grill)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


(image copyright Béatrice de Géa for The New York Times)

Man, after studying the above photograph in the New York Times, to friend: "Whoa, weird. I saw all the green in this photo and figured it was an article about farming, and my first thought was, 'Is that like a rutabaga or something?'"

Guy eating nearby: "That's the most fucked up thing I ever heard."

(Overheard at OhNo Cafe)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Fire Bombs

Agitated boy on the computer listening to a heavy metal song consisting of a brief lyric "First you gotta fuck it then you gotta eat it": "Gram....Gram! I need an energy look I'll give you my fire bombs...hey Gram how many fire bombs does it take? What do you need? Wait Gram! Gram!!!"

(overheard at Casco Bay Movers Dance Studio)

A Pretty Penny

Stylish woman, to even more stylish man: "My son would make an adorable sex slave. Wait, that sounds bad. I just mean that if he was on the auction block, he'd fetch a pretty penny."

(Overheard by DM in Congress Square)

Monday, May 25, 2009

It Happens To The Best Of Us

Woman, petting someone else's dog: "My dog gets older and grumpier as he gets older."

(Overheard in Congress Square during the Tower of Song)

Jungle to Grass

In a little sheltered neighbor hood, 50ish man to a friend as they looked across the street to a house that is for sale: "I hear the guy who's buying it wants to turn it all back to grass. The Jungle garden is gone, it's been sad to watch it come apart. It was fun, while she was here. She really loved to garden."

sometimes that is the way of things.....

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Seems Wrong

50-ish man to wife: "So, the Republican boyfriend is apparently also Catholic. (after a pause) Just doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd drive a Prius, though, right?"

Meant to hear...

Voices barely audible,
full of story sitting on the steps
a voice says loudly while chatting on his phone,
"yeah, my voice is sounding weird even to me tonight"
the seagulls start to laugh
the women's voices continue to share their stories,
barely audible
unless you are meant to hear.

1am Saturday morning - Park Street

Throw that kid

Man holding little boy to wife in dressing room: Okay, get ready, I'm going to throw him over! (After a pause) What, you don't believe me?
Little boy: (laughs) He'll never do that!

The Cat Man

Extremely tattooed, facially pierced man, on cell phone: "Yo, I was just talking to the fucking cat man!"

(Overheard in the Old Port)

Friday, May 22, 2009

Bar Truisms

Older gentleman: "When you go out alone, you may think the grass is greener. The grass ain't greener. The grass is brown. Nah, ladies, that grass? That grass is brown."

Bar patron, possibly intoxicated: "It must be open mic night!"
Bar patron, definitely intoxicated: "It's open BLACK night!"

Shakespeare fan: "Have you seen those poets? They think they're so grandiose. Shakespeare, man, we should have a Shakespeare open mic. That would show those poets how to use words."

(Overheard by JJ @ The White Heart)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

What's The Poop?

Man, to clothing store clerk: "What's the poop on this shirt?"

Clerk, alarmed
: "There's poop on the shirt?"

Man: "Yeah...what's the poop on this shirt?"

(Awkward pause while clerk sort of picks at the shirt the man is holding.)

Man's wife, walking over: "He means what's the story with the shirt."

(Overheard by CVC in the Old Port)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Ukulele Her

Eccentric-looking woman, wielding a ukulele and yelling: "LOOK! It's a ukulele! (Appearing to produce a receipt and waving that around in the other hand) I BOUGHT it!"

(Overheard in Monument Square)

Sunday, May 10, 2009


(woman in Ben Kay answers cell phone)

"The pig?! The pig came home?!? Ok! Round him in, put Jesse on it,  and have the kids put the goats in the kitchen, but hide all the telescopes because they'll eat those!"

Thursday, May 07, 2009


Guy at bar, to his friend: The carrot that's hanging in front of your face isn't a carrot, it's a cock. And she's never going to get it. Good luck with that, honey.

(Overheard by DM at Local 188)

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Anti-anxiety Bread

Older Woman: "What's 'Cymbalta bread'?"

Sandwich Guy: "Um, that's 'ciabatta bread', ma'am."

Monday, May 04, 2009


Loud woman talking on cell phone: "Hey Gail, remember me? I'm the pregnant girl that calls you every year for your horse pick! (Pauses) Oh, is your crystal ball looking cloudy?"

(Overheard outside Bard Coffee)

Saturday, May 02, 2009


Middle School Boy 1: "I like women!"

Middle School Boy 2: (Says nothing while they continue walking)

(Overheard near King Middle School)