Skinny Meg

Woman #1: Well, you are small.

Woman #2: But I'm not like skinny Meg!

(Overheard by Artemis at Bubblemaineia)

Tall Means Power

Woman #1: I always feel tall in shoes; it's a psychological thing.

Woman #2: That's okay. Tall means power.

(Overheard by Artemis in Kohl's, in South Portland)

The Fuck Song

Teenage girl: Oh, do we have the Fuck Song? Or does Grandma still have it?

(Overheard in a car)

Love in the Quick Check-Out

Man: That turns me on.
Woman: Oh, does it? (While rubbing a box containing a whole rotisserie chicken against Man's chest.)

(Overheard at Westbrook Shaw's supermaket)

Theivery!

Cool Dude: And then he was all like "Gimme a sip of your drink."
Hip Chick: What did you say?
Cool Dude: I was like, "No way man, I've fallen for that way too many times before."
Hip Chick: Good, like, assertiveness.

They're Everywhere

Guy: Wait, so where are they?
Girl: They live, like, on the skin of apples.
Guy: Whoa.

Overheard on Emery St. Sunday afternoon

546 Years Young

Teacher: I actually went to visit Ponce de Leon's house in Puerto Rico.
8th grader: Oh, he's still alive? Oh...

(Overheard at King Middle School)

Ain't That the Truth?

Loud Lady: Sometimes, when you're very angry, it's hard to say the word "defecation."

(Overheard at Panera in Westbrook)

Middle School Communist

8th grader 1: Why do you hate Communists?
Communist 8th grader: I am a Communist.
Long pause
8th grader 1: So why do you hate them?
Communist 8th grader: I don't.
8th grader 1: Oh.
Long pause
8th grader 1: Wait, so like, what is Communism?

(Overheard at King Middle School)

Not Bad, For a Hundred Bucks

Guy with an earring: Yep, I've been to Fore Street [the restaurant]. Oh, oh yeah... it's not great, but it's decent.

(Overheard on the sidewalk outside Fore Street)

Balthazar

8th grader 1: Ha, ha, Balthazar.
8th grader 2: What, Balthazar? What, who, why, who told you about Balthazar? Did you just say Balthazar?
8th grader 1: Ha, ha. I just called her Balthazar.

(Overheard at King Middle School)

Circumchances

Man with slick hair style walking by with group of friends with shiny shoes: It's just different circumchances.

Shogun

Party animal A : We'll pretend I didn't just do that (after knocking over a grill on back porch).
Party animal B : We'll blame it on me.
Party animal A : We'll blame it on you.
Party animal B : We'll blame it on me because I'm the shogun.
Party animal A : Yes.

Lisp

My Mom: My daughter plays the harp.
Korean Tailor: OHHH! The harp! Your daughter happy playing, and you happy just shitting there watching her play!

(Overheard at The Sewing Shop)

Interesting Metaphor

Woman: ...so then yesterday, I went hiking with this guy who has size 14 feet, but they don't make size 14 hiking shoes, so he had to get size 13! Can you imagine? Anyway, then we biked all the way to the general store, bought a couple bananas and a bottle of beer, and ate it like a rat!

(Overheard at Yosaku.)

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

8th Grader 1: You touch my stuff?!
8th Grader 2: No, why would I touch your stuff?
8th Grader 1: You don't touch my stuff! You touch my stuff and I kick your head off!!!

(Overheard at King Middle School)

Mispro-nown-ciation

Pompous Business Guy: NAN! NAN! COULD WE HAVE SOME NAN OVER HERE!
{meant naan}

(Overheard at Tandoor Indian Cuisine)

Weapons of Mass Destruction

Hippie art student #1: Yeah, that would be so cool!
Hippie art student #2: And we could have, like, car bombs!

(Overheard at UMaine Orono)

Mattress Car

Art Student #1: Oh, man! Look at this!
Art Student #2: Cool! Metal bed frame!
Art Student #1: OH! We could put on bicycle wheels and a mattress, and ride it down the street!!!


(Overheard near USM)

Tourist Wisdom

Tourist #1: What's that?
Tourist #2: Oh, nothing. That's just the tidehorn.
Tourist #1: The what?
Tourist #2: It tells you when the tide's coming in.


(Overheard at the Lobster Shack in Cape Elizabeth)