Prince Charming

Woman to friend: "I know he smokes crack and wets the bed sometimes, but he's all about me."





(Overheard by VB in the women's restroom at Spring Point Tavern)

How About if I Give You 50 Cents NOT To?

Fellow pushing a cart, to young woman: "Hey, excuse me. If I tell you a joke...will you give me 50 cents?"





(Overheard by MS on Congress Street near Joe's Smoke Shop)

Baby's First Word

Woman: "I'm teaching my baby to say 'chakra!'"





(Overheard by HC in Mexicali Blues)

Both Trendy and Useful

Guy: "I don't question fashion, I just follow the trends!"

Woman: I just don't understand what makes cargo shorts out but fanny packs in, you know what I mean?"

Guy: "At least you can store your drugs in either one."





(Overheard by AS on Congress Street)

Anarchists vs Libertarians

Mother to teenage son: "Well, anarchists frustrate me sometimes, but libertarians make me sick."





(Overheard near USM)

Cutest Cities

Man to woman: "It's cute in San Francisco. It's not cute in Portland, Maine."

Woman to man: "Patrick! Yes it is!"





(Overheard by IWH on Exchange Street)

Sweet Potato Fries and Broccolini

Man perusing frozen grocery section: "...broccolini..."

Kid in cart: "Sweet potato fries!"

Man: "Oho, but we're going to make our own sweet potato fries, aren't we? But yes, you're right, those are premade sweet potato fries."




(Overheard at the Back Cove Hannaford)

A Pigeon By Any Other Name

Two year-old (pointing to bird): "Pee-jun."

Hip young dad: "Yes, that is a pigeon. Another much prettier name for it is Rock Dove."

Hip young mom: "Oh yes, that is much prettier for a name. It is a dove, after all. We'll call it a Rock Dove from now on!"

Two year-old (pointing to bird): "Pee-jun."






(Overheard by KC outside Longfellow Books)

Conspiracy Theorist

Normal-looking middle-aged woman: "I could tell you things that'd make your head spin. Especially about nine-eleven of 2001."





(Overheard by SP at Coffee By Design on Congress Street)

Pride

Young man on cell phone: "No, Mom, I refuse to work there. A chain? There's no pride in working at Applebee's, Mom."






(Overheard by AJL on the Metro bus)

Married Life

Old drunk man: "My wife asked me to take out the garbage. I told her, 'You cooked it--you take it out.'"




(Overheard by MK at Amigos)

Soulmates

One haggard old man to another: "You know and the shitty thing is she didn't realize that we both love dolphins."





(Overheard by HC outside of the Time and Temperature building)

Fun and Games

One woman to another, shouting: "IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE GETS CUT WITH A RAZOR BLADE. Actually, even then I guess it could still be fun, but y'know..."





(Overheard by MS in front of Reny's)

Money

Panhandler, replying to pedestrian: "'Sorry.' Yeah, I'll be sorry, too, when I have money."





(Overheard by LW in Monument Square)

Like a Boot

Hipster 1: "Why doesn't LL Bean brew beer?"

Hipster 2: "Yeah, that would be really popular..."

Hipster 1: "But I guess we know how it would taste--like a boot."





(Overheard by AW at Hilltop Coffee Shop)

State Street Confucius

Bald man, to passerby: "Trying to have a good night, sir. But disrespect is disrespect, ain't it?"




(Overheard by DM on State Street)

The Morning After

20-something woman in gold lamé leggings, to friend: "There was so much safe sex going on in that room last night."





(Overheard by AP at 11:20 am on Congress Street)

If You Want

Weathered man, to group of weathered men, in a very matter-of-fact conversational tone: "I have my knife with me. I could put it in him if you want."





(Overheard by MS in front of the Station A Post Office on Congress Street)

You're Thinking of Congress Street

Old man to young woman: "Fuck this street! Where are all the freakshows?"





(Overheard by AJL on Free Street during Art Walk)

Kind of fun

Young man, to friend: I went to the pep rally and it was no fun. Until that girl broke her leg, and then it was kind of fun."




(Overheard on Brighton Avenue)

All Soft and Fluffy

Woman to man: "When I was a kid they used to call me biscuit butt cause, you know...how biscuits rise up all soft and fluffy."




(Overheard by JS at Burger King)

I Hate When That Happens.

Young man to young woman: "You know what I hate about Facebook? I hate when someone posts a picture of me on their wall and it's my mug shot."




(Overheard by KC on Elm Street near the Metro Pulse)

Bad Chi?

Guy number one to guy number two: "I was in a really bad mood when I was making chai."




(Overheard by SD at Local Sprouts)

Farmer's Market Philosophy

Woman (buying two pumpkins, a peck of apples, and cider) : "I just love fall!"

Man behind counter: "Fall is all right, I just don't like what comes next."

Woman: "You could say the same about living, and I try to enjoy that."




(Overheard by JR at the Westbrook Farmer's Market)

Backstory

Young Segway tour guide, to older tourist lady, also on a Segway: "...so I moved to Portland a year ago to get sober, and I've lived here ever since!"

Lady: "Oh, that's so nice!"




(Overheard on the Eastern Prom Trail)

Another Street Poet

Male voice, 10:00 am, to the tune of 40 ounce beer bottles being opened: "Death, I think, is the only real destination we got. Oh, it sucks."




(Overheard by MS on Avon Street)

Why Yes, They Do.

Southern lady straight off a cruise ship: "Excuse me, sir. Do all of these people work at the same place? They're all using the same laptop."





(Overheard by AS at Crema Coffee and Bakery)

That Communism Shit

Metro bus passenger, looking out at the OccupyMaine event in Monument Square: "Shit, it's those Communists--all that Occupy shit. Obama started that Communism shit when he was in Chicago." (short pause)  "I'm even sober now, too."





(Overheard by KC on the Metro #1 bus)

And Yet, There's No Synonym for "Thesaurus"

Man, arguing with woman: "There's more ways to say 'Fuck you' besides 'Fuck you!'"





(Overhead by JW in Monument Square)

Everyone Knows That.

First barista, to second barista: "Businessmen love Black Sabbath."

(Overheard at Speckled Ax)