Gollum, You Idiot!

Little kid #1: "Daddy, was Bilbo Baggins a liar?"

Dad: "Yes, he was."

Little kid #2: "What did he lie about?"

Dad: "I don't really remember, but he was a liar."

Random guy walking by: "He lied about Gollum and the ring, idiot!"

(Overheard by AJGL on the Eastern Prom)

Queen of the World

Congress Street man: "Fifteen million for a watch. A hundred million for a yacht. I'm the queen of the world. I'm the richest homosexual in the world."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Mess You Up

(Seen by EZF on a cooler full of beer at a high school graduation party)

John White

Smoking man #1: "I saw John White yesterday."

Smoking man #2, agitated: "John White's a murderer!"

Smoking man #1: "What? Who'd he murder?"

Smoking man #2: "ME!"







(Overheard by LKW outside a Cumberland Farms in Augusta)

Roger

Older man to young woman: "Roger likes you. He really does. If you needed to borrow five dollars, you could get it from Roger."







(Overheard by LKW outside a Commercial Street bar)

They Just Don't Cut It

Elderly woman, to veggie/herb vendor at the farmer's market: "Lesbian shavers are great, but they just don't always cut it for me."







(Overheard by DC at the Monument Square farmer's market)

The Clowns

Middle-aged woman, to two little girls: "I don't know if any more alcohol is such a good idea, since you've already had a donut and we have the clowns later."






(Overheard by DC at the Monument Square farmer's market)

Nudity

Art walking man, to female friend: "I would be so embarrassed to see a naked baby!"





(Overheard by BCM at a Portland art gallery)

That Never Works

One frowny teenager to another: "You tried to cheat on your girlfriend on Congress--that never works."






(Overheard by AP on Congress Street)

Just Like New York

Woman (pointing to parking lot): "If you park here you'll feel just like you were in New York City: someone will yell at you and everything."





(Overheard by JR in the West End)

Vive la Différence

Middle-aged L.L.Bean catalog woman to Trader Joe's worker: "What is the difference between the extra firm tofu and the firm tofu? Is it the taste?"





(Overheard by @jugglinggeese at Trader Joe's)

Oh My God

Well-dressed man with Jesus sign who rides a bike: (preaches the gospel)

Passing man with 666 tattooed on his forehead, disgustedly: "Oh my GOD!"






(Overheard by Captain Confrontation in Congress Square)

Welcome to Portland

Man shouting out his car window: "Does anybody know where I can get some god damn weed in this fucking town?!"





(Overheard by KT in Longfellow Square)

Did I Ask You if You Smoked?

Crazy customer: "Hey, you got a lighter?"

Barista: "No, I'm sorry. I don't smoke..."

Crazy customer: "I DIDN'T ASK YOU IF YOU FUCKING SMOKED."





(Overheard by KT at Coffee By Design on Congress Street)

A Dollar Fifty

Skinny guy with basketball shorts, a wife beater, and calf tattoos: "Hey! Hey! Ask him about CJ borrowing a dollar-fifty. SERIOUSLY, DO that."

CJ's friend: "I will! I will!"

CJ: "Tell 'em, 'CJ wants a dolla-fifty for a bee-ahh! For a Pabst...'"






(Overheard by EC on Brackett Street)

Hey, Bro

One guy to another: "I'm not gonna be like, 'Hey, bro, don't do this, like, ever, but we're gonna go pick up some prostitutes...'"






(Overheard by JW on Congress Street)

Very Problematic

Thirty-something professional man, to fifty-something professional male companion: "It's NOT a wine bar. You have to order food too. And there are all these disgusting tattoos...on women. It's very problematic."






(Overheard by AN outside Figa on Congress Street)

Hey Girl

Red-haired teenage boy, with a knowing smile, to passing man: "Hey girl."






(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

You're Too Good For Her

Lady buying movie tickets: "You're nice. Want to meet my daughter? Sure. Well, to be honest, you're too good for her."






(Overheard by @iwasthewalrus at the Nickelodeon)