The Jewish Time Zone

Teacher:  (Briefly explains the Jewish calendar.)

Student: "Isn't Jewish like three hours ahead of us?"






(Overheard by ARA at a Portland area school)

Dentist in Training

Young dental student, to another young dental student: "Oh my God, I had to do this extraction, and I could not get #15 out! I was seriously trying for like an hour. I can barely feel my hands now!"





(Overheard at the Starbucks on Forest Avenue)

Good Advice

Six year old girl to woman: "Tell her to listen to punk rock music. It will make her feel confident."






(Overheard by ER at a block party in Deering Center)

You Wouldn't Understand, It's an American Thing

Woman, gesturing at the crowd singing along with "Hamilton": "How do they know all the words?"

Singer: "Oh--well, they've been listening to the cast recording and singing along."

Woman: "But...I don't understand. What is it? I'm Canadian."






(Overheard at the Hamilton Singalong in Congress Square Park)

What Will They Think of Next?

Person #1: "What is this 'cold brew' that I keep hearing about?"

Person #2: "It's this new iced coffee that Starbucks invented."






(Overheard by AS on Congress Street near Starbucks)

Picnic Tables

Loud lady, to friend: "Salvage Barbecue--picnic tables? Really? I think it's one of those places that's designed to be uncomfortable so you'll leave. You know, if John and I aren't fighting--like all the time--we actually like to sit and chat. So we'll stick to Congress Bar and Grill."




(Overheard by MH at Thurston's Wicked Good Burgers)

Virtual Portland

Man, to lost-looking young woman: "Can I help you find anything?"

Woman, relieved: "Yes! Do you have any tips?"

Man: "Are you looking for a place to eat, or..?"

Woman: "No, I'm playing Pokémon Go."





(Overheard by MH on the Eastern Promenade Trail)

She's Got Legs

Woman in a black dress: "I've been working out a lot lately, I mean look at this. Seriously, I've never had this muscle in my leg before."

Woman in a white dress: "Oh my god, your thighs are amazing."




(Overheard by CR at Congress Bar & Grill)

Modern Jackass on the Bus

Lady, to seat mate, in an authoritative voice: "Oh yeah, they have terrible teeth, Europeans. Because of the water. And they drink wine from the age of five. Coffee, tea, wine."




(Overheard on the Portland to Boston Concord Coach Lines bus)

The Churros

Young woman on the phone: "Abby. Abby! ABBY! You shoulda had the churros!"





(Overheard by MR on Congress Street in front of MECA)

A Real City

Woman to friend: "I love the way that Portland becomes a real city in the summer, with models doing photoshoots at the beach and transients passed out drunk on picnic tables."





(Overheard by JR on East End Beach)

Munjoy Who?

Dad to son, walking bikes across the street: "...to Munjoy Hill."

Son: "What hill?"

Dad: "Munjoy Hill."

Son: "What's that?"

Dad: "I don't know. It's named after somebody named Munjoy, I guess."






(Overheard by LD on Commercial Street)

Pokémon Go Dog Go

One guy to another, watching two dogs greet each other by bowing, sniffing, and wrestling: "So much better than Pokémon Go."





(Overheard by JR at the corner of Deering and Mellen Streets)

New Portland Motto?

Tourist teen to siblings and parents: "I hate this place. Even the hot dogs smell like fish."





(Overheard by EN near hotdog cart on Commercial Street)

The God Darn Berlin Wall

Tourist wife to husband: "Oh my God, Walter, look! I had no clue they moved the Berlin Wall to here!?"

(Husband silent, not listening.)

Wife: "WALTER LOOOOK! IT'S THE GOD DARN BERLIN WALL!"





(Overheard by EN on the Long Wharf off Commercial Street, by the piece of the Berlin Wall)

Welcome to Portland!

Woman to friend: "Every time I come here, someone yells at me or one of my friends."




(Overheard by JR in the Old Port)

#ThanksApplebees

Panhandling man outside of Applebee's, staring in amazement at the five dollar bill a passer-by has just handed him: "Thanks, Applebee's!"





(Overheard by MK in front of Applebee's on Brighton Avenue)

Why Indeed

One young woman to another: "And she was like, 'Why are you even considering going into the military? You come from a rich family!'"





(Overheard by SW at the corner of State Street and Park Avenue)

I Call Him Kitty

Young woman in car to woman walking a 75 pound dog: "Ma'am! Excuse me, ma'am! Your cat is huge!"




(Overheard on Brighton Avenue)

It's Science

Boy: "Men are just stronger than women. It's not sexist; it's science."

Girl: (Punches boy in arm) "So that shouldn't hurt at all then."

Boy: "Oww. I was just stating a fact."




(Overheard by JR at the Reiche School playground)

Fame is a Beast

Usher #1: "Everyone knows about Jaws, but Peter Benchley wrote more than just that one book."

Usher #2: "What else did he write?"

Usher #1: "The Beast: It's basically Jaws but with a giant squid."





(Overheard by JR at the Nickelodeon)

That Dirty Old Man Thing

Woman to man: "You know that 'dirty old man' thing?"

Man to woman: "Yeah. All men are bad. But they get worse as they get older."





(Overheard by LP at Black Cat Coffee)

Ignorance is Bliss

Man to woman (admiring view): "People in the midwest would go nuts for this, they really would."

Woman: "Well, maybe it's better that they don't know about it."





(Overheard by JR on the East End Beach)

A Djibouti Man

Patron One: "Could someone as ignorant as Donald Trump really become President of the United States?"

Patron Two: "I don't know, but if he does, we Somalis need to stick together."

Patron One: "OK brother, but I'm not Somali, I'm a Djibouti man."  





(Overheard by EL near the reference desk at the Portland Public Library)

It Might Just Be You

First guy in group of guys who smell strongly of weed: "I love Portland. You can smell pot everywhere you go!"

Other guys: "Oh yeah!"





(Overheard by JR on Congress Street)

Puppy Eyes

Woman behind counter: "You look as tired as I feel!"

Man: "Yeah."

WBC: "You just get up?"

Man: "How did you know?"

WBC: "You look really tired."

Man: "Well, I've always had puffy eyes."

WBC: "Puppy eyes?"

Man: "Can you just sell me this gum, please?"





(Overheard by RC at the Brighton Avenue 7-11)

You Are The Worst Mom

(Seen by LHT at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore)

Pretty Much Just Like That

Older man standing in very long line for the Democratic caucus, to companion: "It's just like when you go to an auditorium to see Cher!"





(Overheard by MEW near Deering High School)

Get a Job

Trump supporter, to protester: "GET A JOB!"

Man behind him: "Well, we're here and we have jobs."

Trump supporter: "Well I doubt that guy does."





(Overheard by JIP outside the Trump rally at the Westin Portland Harborview)

Decisions, Decisions

Pregnant woman thoroughly browsing the ice cream selection (yelling): "CHOCOLATE OR STRAWBERRY?"

Man's voice from the next aisle: "CHOCOLATE!"

Woman: "CHOCOLATE? OR DOUBLE FUDGE CHOCOLATE?"





(Overheard by JL in the frozen aisle of the Back Cove Hannaford)

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Portland, Mainers: we need your help! Overheard in Portland is the best local eavesdropping blog only because of its team of independent and (usually) anonymous reporters. That means YOU. We here at OIP HQ do our best, but we can't do it alone. So get out there and listen to what your neighbors are saying, then send those gems to us. You can do that by commenting on this blog, emailing liz(dot)woodbury(at)gmail(dot)com, or commenting on our Facebook page.


(Note: we will publish any overheard conversations as long as we consider them to be 1. Funny 2. Inoffensive 3. Authentic and 4. Overheard in or very near the state of Maine.)

Strong Drinks

Guy to girl, peering in window: "They have all these really interesting drinks. They're really strong, like sass-her-ass and stuff."





(Overheard by EWW in front of Vena's Fizz House)

Zuzu's Petals

Dad, to young, giggling child riding in shopping cart: "Every time I touch your hair, an angel gets its wings!"




(Overheard at Target in South Portland)