Sunday, September 14, 2008

Must've Been Left By Tourists

Mom (avoiding pile of vomit in the gutter): Watch out!

Kid (examining vomit): Oh my God! It's a lobster roll!

(overheard near Tommy's Park)

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Whipping Cream

Hannaford Bagger (putting a pint of heavy whipping cream in a bag): Oh no, I bought this one time -- it gave me, you know, diarrhea!

Shopper: Oh...really?

Bagger: Yeah -- you gonna put it on cereal? Cause that's what I did, put it on cereal.

Shopper: No, I was actually...going to whip it, you know? Cause it's whipping cream.

: Well, all I know is it really gave me diarrhea.

(Overheard at Hannaford)

Monday, June 23, 2008


Foursquare Kid Number One (shoving Kid Number Two): Faggot!

Foursquare Kid Number Two: You're a faggot!

Foursquare Kid Number Three: I don't want to play foursquare with you anymore. You guys are homophobic.

Kid One: Huh? What does that mean?

Kid Three: It means you're either afraid of gay people, or you hate gay people.

(Kid One and Kid Two look at each other, horrified)

Kid Two: Oh my God, he's gay, he's gay! Run!

(Kids One and Two run away)

(overheard by Boo at the Nathan Clifford playground)

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Your mom cut you

World of Warcraft-playing teen #1: Hey, Dylan! Did you cut your hair?

World of Warcraft-playing teen #2: No, my hair cut me.

World of Warcraft-playing teen #3: Your mom cut you.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Color Blind

Middle School Kid #1: Man, I'm so angry. I'm banned from Xbox, period.

Middle School Kid #2: Why don't you put it in your pocket?

Middle School Kid #1: My mom's not retarded.

Middle School Kid #2: Yeah, duh, she's color blind.

Middle School Kid #1: That has nothing to do with it, you idiot!

Middle School Kid #2: I had no idea your mom was color blind.

(Overheard near King Middle School.)