Chickens

Man to family: "Chickens for five dollars? Down at the corner store they're ninety-nine cents!"







(Overheard by MH in the poultry barn at the Common Ground Fair)

Shut Up

Dude sitting in a Civic Center alcove across from Margaritas Mexican Restaurant: "Shut up...goddamn...Mexican...(long, long pause)...restaurant."






(Overheard by DM on Free Street)

The Best Seats in Heaven

Elderly lady wearing a floppy straw hat: "You can give some girls the best seats in heaven and they still want more."






(Overheard by Pleko at the Getty on Broadway in South Portland)

Probation

Very loud young man on cell phone: "I wasn't going to go out there, you know, 'cause of probation and shit...but I ended up going and had a real good time!"





(Overheard by BC on Congress Street)

First Class

Woman on cellphone: "I will not so much as step foot on a plane unless I know that someone is at some point going to hand me a fresh hot towel."







(Overheard by JR at Whole Foods Market)

Hindsight

50ish professional-looking woman to 50ish professional-looking man: “I would have gone out with you sooner, but I didn’t know then I was married to such an asshole.”






(Overheard by LK at On the Border in South Portland)

Congratulations!

Tank-topped, jeans-ass-dragging youth to buddy: "Hey man, even though I'm still unemployed, I manage to get up at 8am every morning!"






(Overheard by KC in Monument Square)

Mmm, Salty.

Tourist man, looking at water fountain: "Do you think it's sea water?"

Tourist woman: "I'm not sure, let me try."






 (Overheard by CM on the Eastern Prom)

That's Freedom Dressing to You

Man to woman: "I can't believe they don't have French dressing. That's just weird."






(Overheard at Trader Joe's)

Hot Dog Wisdom

Hot dog vendor to customer: "...It'd still be breaking the law. Even though it's a photo of you, it's still child porn..."


Hot dog vendor, five minutes later: "...Even I can't afford a sports car, and I own a cellphone!"





 (Overheard by WB near Tommy's Park)

Only a White Lie

Dude in chair: ‎"A lie is a lie. People say, 'Oh, it's only a white lie.' A lie is a lie. What's the alternative, a black lie? Ha ha ha. Hey, now you're getting racist. Ha ha ha."






(Overheard by DM at the Congress Street Coffee by Design)

Bananas

Middle-aged man running down the street: "But I don't have any bananas!"

(Overheard by AJGL on Congress Street)

Watch Your Mouth, Watson

Meek-sounding male voice: "Honey, I...(garbled words)...fish...(garbled)..."

 Harsh female voice: "Oh, really? Well no SHIT, Sherlock!"

 Meek-sounding male voice: "Aww...(garble)..."






(Overheard by AJGL on Prospect Street)