Home For the Holidays

20-something girl: "Hey, I live in South Portland and I am trying to get home for Christmas--you got two bucks?"





(Overheard by KC in Monument Square on Christmas Eve)

Pathetic is the New Cool

Hipster discussing his favorite hip hop performer with a friend: "What I like about him is that he is so pathetic that he doesn't even try to be more than pathetic."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

Mall Security

Man sweeping the floor, to woman sitting on a bench: "You know what they call that? Mall security."





(Overheard at the Maine Mall)

Seven Years

Guy to friend: "Hey, what's up with your brother? What'd he get?"

Friend: "Seven years."

(Raucous laughter from group of friends.)






(Overheard by JL in Monument Square)

Dinner

Woman to friend: "Let's just get baby carrots and brainstorm!"





(Overheard by JR at the Back Cove Hannaford)

Judged

Very loud woman on cell phone: "What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Huh? What the fuck? No, I told you, I'm judged because I'm fat. I'm called a slut. I don't have any teeth, people tell me go get new teeth. ‎I'm not fucking anyone but you, I swear. Look, I gotta go. (Pause, then to friend): "Let's go smoke a blunt."




(Overheard by PL in the main branch of the Portland Public Library)

Aphorism

Landscaper to coworkers: "Thinking is like money: I never have either, but neither do me any good." 





(Overheard by JR on Chadwick Street)

Too Much Bath Salts

Concerned yuppie-type woman, to Shaky Bob (a.k.a. Shaky Pete/Bobby Roberts), who was lying on the sidewalk: "Are you okay? Can we call someone for you? Did you take too much bath salts?"





(Overheard by EB at the corner of Spring Street and High Street)

Fantastic

Cashier, to man: "How are you?"

Man, loudly: "I'm fantastic! It's my birthday! And I'm a homosexual!" (pause, then to smiling customer) "Bitch."




(Overheard by MR at the Catholic Charities Thrift Store on St. John Street)

Down South

50-something, possibly homeless man: "I need money for beer so I can go down south."






(Overheard by SP outside Joe's Smoke Shop on Congress Street)