It Happens To The Best Of Us

Woman, petting someone else's dog: "My dog gets older and grumpier as he gets older."





(Overheard in Congress Square during the Tower of Song)

Jungle to Grass

In a little sheltered neighbor hood, 50ish man to a friend as they looked across the street to a house that is for sale: "I hear the guy who's buying it wants to turn it all back to grass. The Jungle garden is gone, it's been sad to watch it come apart. It was fun, while she was here. She really loved to garden."


sometimes that is the way of things.....

Saliva With Resin

Seems Wrong

50-ish man to wife: "So, the Republican boyfriend is apparently also Catholic. (after a pause) Just doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd drive a Prius, though, right?"

Meant to hear...

Voices barely audible,
full of story sitting on the steps
a voice says loudly while chatting on his phone,
"yeah, my voice is sounding weird even to me tonight"
the seagulls start to laugh
the women's voices continue to share their stories,
barely audible
unless you are meant to hear.


1am Saturday morning - Park Street

Throw that kid

Man holding little boy to wife in dressing room: Okay, get ready, I'm going to throw him over! (After a pause) What, you don't believe me?

Little boy: (laughs) He'll never do that!

The Cat Man

Extremely tattooed, facially pierced man, on cell phone: "Yo, I was just talking to the fucking cat man!"

(Overheard in the Old Port)

Bar Truisms

Older gentleman: "When you go out alone, you may think the grass is greener. The grass ain't greener. The grass is brown. Nah, ladies, that grass? That grass is brown."

Bar patron, possibly intoxicated: "It must be open mic night!"
Bar patron, definitely intoxicated: "It's open BLACK night!"

Shakespeare fan: "Have you seen those poets? They think they're so grandiose. Shakespeare, man, we should have a Shakespeare open mic. That would show those poets how to use words."

(Overheard by JJ @ The White Heart)

What's The Poop?

Man, to clothing store clerk: "What's the poop on this shirt?"

Clerk, alarmed: "There's poop on the shirt?"

Man: "Yeah...what's the poop on this shirt?"

(Awkward pause while clerk sort of picks at the shirt the man is holding.)

Man's wife, walking over: "He means what's the story with the shirt."


(Overheard by CVC in the Old Port)

Ukulele Her

Eccentric-looking woman, wielding a ukulele and yelling: "LOOK! It's a ukulele! (Appearing to produce a receipt and waving that around in the other hand) I BOUGHT it!"


(Overheard in Monument Square)

THE PIG CAME HOME

(woman in Ben Kay answers cell phone)

"The pig?! The pig came home?!? Ok! Round him in, put Jesse on it,  and have the kids put the goats in the kitchen, but hide all the telescopes because they'll eat those!"

Carrot/Stick

Guy at bar, to his friend: The carrot that's hanging in front of your face isn't a carrot, it's a cock. And she's never going to get it. Good luck with that, honey.



(Overheard by DM at Local 188)

Anti-anxiety Bread

Older Woman: "What's 'Cymbalta bread'?"

Sandwich Guy: "Um, that's 'ciabatta bread', ma'am."

Cloudy

Loud woman talking on cell phone: "Hey Gail, remember me? I'm the pregnant girl that calls you every year for your horse pick! (Pauses) Oh, is your crystal ball looking cloudy?"




(Overheard outside Bard Coffee)

Women

Middle School Boy 1: "I like women!"

Middle School Boy 2: (Says nothing while they continue walking)





(Overheard near King Middle School)

Swine Flu 3 for 1

Tennis Coach: Do we have an odd number?

Tennis Coach 2: Yeah, but I could tell Mike he has swine flu and send him home.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gym Employee: Swine flu is the new Twitter!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teen girl: Jeremy has swine flu. 

Woman: Jeremy is swine flu!

That Helmet is Hot

Guy in cycling gear to girl: You got to get a helmet that looks good, so you want to wear it all the time. Everyone likes to look good.

(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

GIRL ON HER CELL PHONE IN THE STAIR WELL AT USM

" YOU DID NOT JUST HANG UP. WHY DID YOU HANG UP? NO. YOU SAY GOODYE, AND THEN YOU HANG UP. RIGHT? THATS WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO, THEY SAY GOODYE BYE AND THEN THEY HANG UP." THEN SHE HUNG UP.

It's actually a secret code.

Male Deli Employee: Everybody loves BOGO!

Female Deli Employee: I don't even know what that is.

Male Deli Employee: Everybody knows what BOGO is.

Female Deli Employee: Well, I don't.

Male Deli Employee: It's "Buy one get one"!

Female Deli Employee: Seriously? Well I don't even wanna tell you what I thought it was!

Overheard at West End Deli

Somebody Needs to Consult the Urban Dictionary

Middle school teacher, trying hard to be cool: Oh, dish!




(Overheard at King Middle School)

Only 364 Shopping days to Easter!

Small Boy: (spotting bunny with Red Sox hat in sale Easter bin): I want the Red Sox one for Easter!

Mother (exasperated): Easter was yesterday.

Boy (equally exasperated): No, next Easter.

(Overheard by JR at Hannaford)

That Novel Was NUTS

Homeless man: Hey sister! Hey! Care to help out a crazy novel?

(Overheard in Congress street)

You Call This Art?

Distinguished-looking older woman, examining a painting: Look at all that white space! He wasted two-thirds of the painting on white space!


(Overheard by MH at the Portland Museum of Art Biennial opening)

I knew it had SOME purpose

High School Boy 1: You can write about crap, that's ok. But you don't write about your feelings!
High School Boy 2: Yeah, that's what poetry is for!

Overheard on the bus

Obviously an Animal Rights Activist

Middle aged lady in a fur coat: So THAT'S how the dog got electrocuted!

(Overheard on Exchange Street)

Wow.

Mid 20's age Girl on Cell Phone: I don't know what you did to me last night, but it worked!

(Overheard on Munjoy Hill)

Wood in the Street

Person One: There's wood in the street.

Person Two: So, it is neccessary to have wood in the street?

Person One: I'll take wood anywhere I can get it - but in the street works for me.

(overheard in the Old Port)

You Could Fry an Egg on the Sidewalk

Man: Wow! Look at that!
Other man: What?

Man: (Pointing) Some guy fried an egg on the pavement!
Other man: Holy shit!

Man: What do you think it tastes like?

(overheard in warmer months near Gilbert's Chowder House by Antonio)

Perfect Hair

Man in trench coat at 2am: Hello young lady.

Me, a man: Hello.

Man, realizing I'm a man: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a young lady because your hair, it's so perfect.


(Overheard on Preble Street by DM)

Deering Oaks

Man: We should play frisbee at Deering Oaks this summer.

Kid: I don't like Deering Oaks anymore.

Man: Why not?

Kid: I just don't like it ever since I saw a homeless guy skinning a bird there.

(overheard on Brackett Street)