It was a Good day in the Neighborhood!

One trash guy to the other: "Oh, my gosh - these cookies are still warm."

(later the same day)

Young man to his lady friend: "Of course they love me! I just got new socks."




(overheard by Hanson's Carriage House Antiques)

Here's Where Math Skills Come in Handy

Gushy Woman (admiring adorable baby): "How old is she?"

Mom: "She just turned one."

Gushy Woman (noticing the baby's brothers): "How old are they?"

Mom: "One is three, and one is five."

Gushy Woman: "Twins?"

Mom: "Um, no."






(Overheard by JSF in Monument Square)

Musical

Preschooler (emits a long fart, then contemplates for a while): "Sounds like jazz!"






(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at a Portland area preschool)

What's The Big Deal?

Young zombie girl, with deathly pale skin, long reddish braids, many wounds and bloodstains, and one arm: "Why is everybody staring at me? So I only have one arm - it's not that unusual!"






(Overheard at Zombie Kickball on the Eastern Prom in the rain)

Career Paths

Man: "She was a post hole digger. She put in fence posts for the county. This was after the money-laundering."



(Overheard on Park Street)

President Ninja

First thirteen year-old boy: "I love Obama."

Second thirteen year-old boy: "Me too, I love Obama. He's a ninja."

First thirteen year-old boy: "Yeah, he is a ninja."







(Overheard on Brighton Ave)

I think I'll let the Universe Step Up to the Plate

Cashier, to woman buying lottery tickets: "Do you keep the ones that aren't winners?"

Woman (shaking her head): "I think I'll let the universe step up and help me become a winner. Easy pick. Though if I don't win, it doesn't mean the universe doesn't love me. Just not my turn."






(overheard at Hannaford on Forest Avenue in the morning)

Sunshine Scat Mid-week

30-ish brunnette women by voice, approximately 5'8ish walking down the street, I could only see her head as her voice called out to no one for the sheer act of Singing.

A clear voice singing Scat that was so full of Joy!



Thank you! After so much rain it was a gladness to hear joy vs. complaints about the weather.





(overhead from a window on Park Street, around 8:30pm)

It's Gonna Be an Awesome Party

Macho guy on cellphone, standing in line with his shopping cart: "Yo, I got a 30-pack of Coors Light and some Dunkeroos, bro!"





(Overheard at Hannaford)

A World of Work

Bedraggled guy talking to himself on Congress Street at 10PM: "It's a premonition! Stay away from me, I have a world of work to do."





(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

That is SO Portland

Portland voter: "I love gay marriage. And I would vote for the freaking dog catcher if she were a democrat."






(Overheard by J J-M at the June 12th special election)

Sick

Young boy watching friend play Gameboy: "Sick! Sick! Sick!"

Friend, playing Gameboy: "I am not throwing up!"

First boy: "I know! It's just awesome!"

It's a miracle!

Teenage girl to mother using Slap-Chop: "Mom, you are Vince! My mother is the Chosen One!"

Dawn's Announcement

Girl on Phone: "Well, whatever you do, it won't be as bad as the time Dawn stood up and told everyone she was a racist."






(Overheard by M P-S at Material Objects)

A Perfect Example of Why You Shouldn't Ask That Question

Woman number one: "So, are you pregnant?"

Woman number two: "No, I'm just fat."






(Overheard by MH in an office waiting room in Portland)

Indoor Cat

Catch-playing girl number one: "Your cat's name is Tigger? That is like the most unoriginal name ever. I bet that there are a million cats named Tigger."

Catch-playing girl number two: "So? He'll never know: he's an indoor cat!"






(Overheard by JR on the Western Prom)

I'm Going to Assume She's Not Talking to a Commercial Pilot

Young woman, on cell phone: "Well, if you fuck up, nobody's gonna die."






(Overheard at Hannaford)

They're everywhere

Mom to toddler: "Careful! Human beings! Human beings! You're an infant!"





(Overheard at the Old Port Festival)

RUSH...great last name when ordering take out.

Person taking a to-go order to person on the phone: "And a name please."

(Person on phone replies)

Order taker: "RUSH, ok. It'll be ready in 15 minutes."

Order taker turns to kitchen hands in order and says: "RUSH!"




(Overheard around 8ish while dining at Haggarty's)

You Just Couldn't Understand

Kid: "I love grapefruit."

Mom: "That's good."

Kid: "No, really, I love grapefruit."

Mother Load...

Late into the night or we could call it morning.
Out picking for bottles, it's trash day on the West End
Ah, he found a Mother Load
Man to friend, in truck.

"Hey take the truck up that alley
there are boxes of bottles. Lots of boxes!"

The sound of looking for bottles continues,
Others are out looking for a good find as well.



(overheard on Park from bedroom window about 3am, Wednesday)

Into Orbit

Woman, excitedly: "I've never had the iced coffee here, but I've heard great things about it!"

Barista: "Yeah, it's good."

Woman: "Will it send me into orbit?"

Barista: "Uhh..."

Woman: "I guess I'll have a cappuccino."





(Overheard at Arabica)

Narwhals are Cool

Man: "I really need a cigarette."

Boy: "Yeah, narwhals are cool!"




(Overheard at The Green Elephant)

Mom's Pajamas

Preschooler #1, to Preschooler #2: "Why did your dad put his penis in your mom's pajamas?"




(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at the lunch table in a Portland area preschool)

Computer Smart

By the voices; estimated guess is 30ish males:
arguing as they walk down the street -

Hey listen, listen I'm computer smart and I get virus and shit. So don't tell me....

as they continue down the street.

Heard on Park Street around noon, from a window as they passed by

It's In The Air

Teen Boy #1: "Dude, Dude, wait!"

Teen Boy #2: "Huh...?"

Teen Boy #3: "Man, we're in Maine. You gotta recycle that!"





(Overheard by the trash & recycle bins at Whole Foods)

Living the Examined Life

Cook/Proprietor (handing menu to passerby): "Here you are sir."

Possible Customer (noticing that the menu has twelve items on it): "So, I'd have to eat here a dozen times?"

Cook/Proprietor (confused): "Excuse me?"

Possible Customer: "There are twelve items on your menu; it would take me a dozen times to try them all."

Cook/Proprietor: "You could, or some people just stick to one thing that they like. Like this young man (indicating me), he just gets the falafel."

Me: (Feeling a little awkward at being singled out) "The falafel is quite good."

Possible Customer (To himself as he walks away): "But if I just ate the same thing, how would I know that I actually liked it?"

(Overheard by JR at Spartan Grill)

OhNo

(image copyright Béatrice de Géa for The New York Times)


Man, after studying the above photograph in the New York Times, to friend: "Whoa, weird. I saw all the green in this photo and figured it was an article about farming, and my first thought was, 'Is that like a rutabaga or something?'"

Guy eating nearby: "That's the most fucked up thing I ever heard."




(Overheard at OhNo Cafe)

Fire Bombs

Agitated boy on the computer listening to a heavy metal song consisting of a brief lyric "First you gotta fuck it then you gotta eat it": "Gram....Gram! I need an energy pack...no look I'll give you my fire bombs...hey Gram how many fire bombs does it take? What do you need? Wait Gram! Gram!!!"




(overheard at Casco Bay Movers Dance Studio)

A Pretty Penny

Stylish woman, to even more stylish man: "My son would make an adorable sex slave. Wait, that sounds bad. I just mean that if he was on the auction block, he'd fetch a pretty penny."



(Overheard by DM in Congress Square)