And You Know What That Means!

Girl, describing why her two friends should meet and possibly hit it off romantically: "She likes tinctures, he likes tinctures..."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

So Cute

Crazy Woman with gold tooth: "How old is your baby?"

Babysitter: "Almost a year."

Crazy Woman: (laughs maniacally for an extremely uncomfortable length of time)

Crazy Woman: "She's so cute! How old is she?"




(Overheard by Z and I in Monument Square)

Hands Up, Buddy

Little Kid A to Little Kid B: "I've got seaweed, and I'm not afraid to use it!"






(Overheard by Anonymous at Crescent Beach)

German Bus

Concord-Trailways bus driver, to passengers over the loudspeaker: "This is my favorite bus...NOT. Those Germans don't know how to design a bus. This bus is a piece of crap!"






(Overheard by Margot on the Boston-to-Portland bus)

Poop

Young boy, from inside a bathroom stall: "Mom, it feels so good when the poop comes out!"




(Overheard by Deb at Flatbread)

Patriots

Blond 20-something woman in car with New Hampshire plates, gesturing to the bumper sticker on the back of my car, which is parked in my driveway: "Way to ruin America!"

Me, confused: "Huh? Way to ruin America?"

Her companion, an equally annoying 20-something man, doing a "thumbs-down" gesture: "Obama SUCKS!"




(Overheard in my driveway)

A Wet Situation

Four year-old boy, from bathroom stall, to his mother in an adjacent stall: "Uh oh. I've got kind of a wet situation here. It's mostly piddle."






(Overheard by Mama D in Brunswick)

Profit & Loss

Fairly cheerful and extremely intoxicated woman, to a group of gallery goers: "My brother has $10,000 in the bank, but he won't give me twenty cents to park my car. I'm gonna put a rock through his windshield and that's gonna cost a lot more than twenty cents!"



(Overheard outside Field Gallery on India Street)

Bad

(Seen in Deering Oaks)

Dead Dogs

Dentist, to hygienist: "God, I hate my dogs. I just can't wait for those dogs to die."





(Overheard at a dentist's office in Scarborough)

Stuffing Machine

(Seen on Exchange Street)

Dog on a Leash

Six year old boy with a dog on a leash (and the end of the leash around his own neck), to his mother, who is about 20 steps ahead of him: "Now I know what it feels like to be a dog on a leash! It HURTS!"





(Overheard by CVC on Wharf Street)

Apples and Bananas

Very thoughtful six year old boy after singing the Apples and Bananas song: "You can say that you know...apples and bananas...just not around European people..."










(overheard on Hale st.)

Ma

Man, casually: "Hey, did you hear ma died?"

Woman, even more casually: "Yeah, that's what I heard."




(Overheard on Congress Street)

Idaho?

Blond women talking to herself and laughing: "Idaho? NO - you da ho!"






(overheard on Park Street)

I Wonder Which House the Sorting Hat Would Put You In

Attractive woman, to friend: "I think Severus Snape is a sexpot. I might be in the minority on that one."



(Overheard at the Forest Avenue Rite Aid)

Can you help me?

Intoxicated man, holding cellphone in outstretched hand: "Can you help me...? Can you help me...? Can you finish this text message for me??"

(overheard on Congress Street)

Bits, like shells washed up

Five year old in green swim suit, running: "Mommy! Look, it's a sea shell!"

Teenage girl, with friends: "Och, Och, the sand is hot."

Another teenage girl, to friends: "I guess I'll take off my pants. Oops, that didn't sound right."

Her friend: "If I could get as dark as Ivy, my life would be complete."

Random male to other random male as he stops to check him out: "Hey, don't you go to Blackstones?"

30ish women on cell phone "Push the crazy mixed drinks. I want her to have to make a butt load of Pina Coladas."

Young child running out of the water to her dad: "I'm hungry and I'm cold. I'm going to build a moat."

Woman in bike shorts: "What a glorious day!"



(Overheard at Willard Beach)

Goodwill

Cape Camp Director: "Lost and Found items that are not picked up will be taken to Goodwill."

Cape Young Camper: :"What's Goodwill?"





(Overheard in Cape Elizabeth)

Martha's Vineyard

Kid: "Mom, what's Martha's Vineyard?"

Mom: "It's an island off the coast of Massachusetts."

Kid: "Oh! I thought it was a theme restaurant."






(Overheard somewhat south of Portland)

Witness Protection?

Waiter: "Visiting from England?"

Matronly, British-sounding woman: "No! People have a hard time believing I'm from Limerick, Maine."

Waiter: "Oh...I'm going to put your dip order in now."





(overheard at the Oak Street Bistro in Alfred, Maine)

Deity with Purple Hair.

Older man: "You are a deity!"

Young woman with wild purple hair: "Oh?"

Older man: "Do you know what that means?"

Young woman: "No."

Older man: "That's okay, it doesn't mean you aren't one, it only means you'll have to learn to grow into what it means to be one!"





(overheard in Monument Square during the Farmer's Market)

Sad

Screaming woman, walking behind a guy who is pushing a shopping cart full of bottles: "I hate you! Your place is sad! You sit with (offensive term omitted here)! I hate you!"






(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Recycling

7 year old: "Now, instead of throwing things away, I like to recycle. I recycle everything! (After a pause) I like to help Earth."

Know your landmarks

Woman: "This isn't the beach. It's the ocean!"

Man: "Oh, really?"

Woman: "The Atlantic Ocean."





(Overheard at Popham Beach in Phippsburg.)

Good Cop/Bad Cop

Drunk Guy: "You be the good cop, I'll be the bad cop. Which is awesome cause you're bigger and I'm littler!"







(Overheard on Congress Street near the Eastern Prom before the fireworks)

Oops

Teenage boy, to his friend: "You know, man, Kaitlin's looking pretty hot tonight."

Friend: (unintelligible)

Teenage boy: "I didn't mean to hit her in the face!"







(Overheard by MH after the fireworks on the Eastern Prom)

Street Soap Opera

Very intoxicated woman, to equally intoxicated man: "Listen to me: listen, wouldja? It's a marriage of convenience."








(Overheard on Park Street)

Lazy

Woman 1: "You know, I really don't like Kristin."

Woman 2: "What, 'cause she's mean?"

Woman 1: "No, 'cause she's lazy! I mean, come on, if you can't walk around for two hours then you have a problem. It's not strenuous. We are not asking her to jog."

The Inheritance

Older man, to boy with phone at next table: "You talkin' to California?"

Boy's mom: "No, we are at Starbucks."

Older man: "You got a rich aunt out there! Be good to her!"