Clean After Ur's Dog

(Seen on Congress Street near North Star Cafe)

Tijuana

Congress Street guy, over his shoulder to an invisible person: "Well, at least it's better than Tijuana!"





(Overheard on Middle Street)

Yikes

Guy talking on his cell phone in an extremely loud voice while walking behind me: "Dude, I'm on the hunt right now."




(Overheard in Deering Oaks)

Angry Red Sox Fan

Furious man, pushing bicycle and yelling to himself: "Fucking people with New York Yankees hats. They think they're so fucking gangster."




(Overheard by AJL near Monument Square during Art Walk)

Mr. New England

Guy in his twenties, to friend: "It's all about the girls, you know? All the guys there are meatheads from the midwest. They're not bad guys. It's just that I stand out. I'm Mr. New England -- look at my boat shoes!"




(Overheard on Congress Street during Art Walk)

A Dog and a Half

First woman with small dog on a leash: "What kind of dog is that?"

Second Woman with small dog on a leash: "I don't know, but I figure he's a dog long and half a dog tall."



(Overheard at the farmer's market by ML)

What you think that's costing us?

Young man on bike: "So, what you think that's costing us? Four cops?"

Older man: "Lots, and what did the kid do?"

Young man on bike: "Nothing, really. He's walking down the street with a holstered gun -- which, by the way, is legal in Maine."

Older man: "That all? Four cops with cruisers for that?"

Young man: "I believe so."

Older man: "Hell, in Pasquale nobody would bat an eye."




(Overheard in front of the Hay building in Portland Square)

Book Lovers

Guy #1, perusing a bin of one dollar books: "People don't appreciate books anymore since they got computers, but where did the first computer come from?"

Guy #2: "I dunno."

 

Guy#1: "A book. Yeah, think about it."




(Overheard by JR on Congress Street)

Carpenter, Forester, Golfer or ?

(Seen in Middle Street parking lot)

I Don't Like That Word

Woman in her late 20s, to friend: "That's my new thing. I block pregnant women on Facebook. Please don't send me fetus updates -- I don't like that word."



(Overheard by AS at Downtown Lounge)

If Nothing Else...

Woman on the phone with a kid in each arm: "Well, listen honey. You're kind, you're sweet, you're cute...you're MEXICAN! The whole fuckin' package!"





(Overheard by Anthony at the Old Port Festival)

Kids These Days

Woman to friend: "I love my grand kids, but their status updates are so boring."



(Overheard by JR in a Portland doctor's office waiting room)

When Did the Skies Become So Beautiful?

Man with long gray hair, wearing a karate outfit, to a group of tourists: "MMM, isn't the air today so nice? And my clothes, they're so soft! And and and the leaves are luscious. And that man's dinner jacket fits so well [he gestures to a tourist in a dinner jacket]! Mmm, and my clothes, mmm, my clothes are so soft. AND MMMM [slowly becoming more and more agitated and manic] MY CLOTHES ARE SO SOFT. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? WHEN DID THE SKIES BECOME SO BEAUTIFUL? MMMMM EVERYTHING IS SO NICE!"



(Overheard by LJ in Longfellow Square)

A Very Special Congress Street Moment

First guy on stoop: "Suck it, barbershop motherfucker."

Second guy on stoop: "Yeah, motherfucker."

Woman on stoop: (Vomits copiously all over the sidewalk).




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Excuses

Female employee: "I don't like to drink. It gives people an excuse to be stupid."

Male employee: "I like excuses."




(Overheard by MP at the South Portland Goodwill)

Hi Mom!

(Seen on Exchange Street)

Hold Your Head Up

(Seen on Free Street)

I Can't Decide Between the Cherry and the Buttscotch

(Seen on Brighton Avenue in Westbrook)

They're Certainly Dressed For It

One very skinny aged man in a long, flowing white robe and head scarf to another (nearly) identical man: "We are now prepared for that day when Jesus appears in the clouds!"





(Overheard by DM at Mesa Verde)

Or Maybe Your Chicken

Keynote speaker at Model U.N., visiting from India: "And remember, the world is your rooster!"




(Overheard by ZWH at USM Gorham)

Lost

Furiously smoking woman, leaning out of her car window: "Excuse me! Excuse me! Is this the way to the hospital and the jail?"





(Overheard by MH on Brighton Avenue)

F**k Love

(Seen on Forest Avenue)

Who Asked You?

(Seen on Deering Avenue)

Vacuum Cleaner

Late 20's Woman #1: "Hey, how was your date to that party?"

Late 20's Woman #2: "I'm here to tell you I might as well have been dancing with a vacuum cleaner."

Woman #1: "Oh! Well, at least he was easy on the eyes."




(Overheard at Coffee By Design)

The People I Kill

Clerk, to large, bug-eyed man with a Mohawk and a portable oxygen tank: "Excuse me sir, are you next?"

Man: "No, I do believe these young ladies are next [gestures to two boys]. I don't cut in lines: the people who cut in lines are the people I kill."



(Overheard by LJ at Cumberland Farms)

It's Undeniable

(Seen at the Nickelodeon)

Dog Years

Woman: "My dog died last week."

Man: "Oh, I am sorry to hear that, it must be hard."

Woman: "Well, he was old."

Man (wistfully): "I wonder when they will ever discover a cure for dog years."

(Overheard by JR in Monument Square)

Asparagus

Belligerent drunk man, angrily: "You have a simple life; you just sit and eat asparagus all day."




(Overheard by AS at Krista's in Cornish)

A Goat and a Wild Horse, To Be Specific

Eighth grade boy: "So, there are two new teachers at school. They both look like forest creatures."




(Overheard on Brighton Avenue)

Wait...What?

Loud woman on cellphone in movie theater: "My mother's big joke was 'you could rob a bank with a booger.'"





(Overheard at the Nickelodeon)