Be Safe, Kids

(Seen in Deering Oaks)

Not Tripping...

Woman, to fellow "healing practices" students: "Now I want to say: I didn't take LSD."

The group: "Okay, sure..."

Woman: "I had a journey where I was farted out of a crazy person and breathed in by star people. Then I popped out as an egg."




(Overheard at a restaurant on Congress Street)

...Or Not

College-aged girl to a group of friends: "I 'heart' anal. I should have that printed on my mailbox!"



(Overheard by DC in the Old Port)

Free

(Seen on State Street)

Bad Ass Snickers

Congress Street guy, abruptly crossing the street with a tiny dog on a leash, causing a pickup truck to screech to a halt: "They see Snickers coming, they fucking stop."




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

So True

Disheveled woman, sitting sprawled with her belongings in a driveway, hollering across the street: "You're gonna deteriorate, motherfucker!"

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Moving to Maine

Man on cellphone: "First of all, you're going to need a shovel. For shoveling snow. Yeah. And even more, you'll need an ice scraper. An ice scraper. To scrape the ice off your car. No, see, when the rain falls? It freezes on your car, and you got to scrape it off."

(Overheard in the parking lot at the Back Cove Hannaford)

Mediocre Deli

(Seen on Route 25 in Standish)

Would You Ever Drink From a Mug With a Picture of a Toilet On It?

(Seen at the Forest Avenue Goodwill)

Big Halloween Plans

Woman, to little boy: "I don't know, maybe Daddy could be Shaggy. Although...I think Daddy would prefer to be Fred."



(Overheard at the Goodwill on Forest Avenue)

Autumn Leaves Drift Down

(Seen at the Greyhound station on Congress Street)

Bedbugs?

Eccentric woman, sighing and plucking at her orange sweatshirt: "Oh, look at me. I look terrible, I look like I just rolled out of bed. You ever have days like that?"

Barista: "Yeah."

Eccentric woman: "It's just hard when you have to boil all your clothes."

(Overheard by Margot at Starbucks on Congress Street)

Deering Oaks/Carnegie Hall

Man on cell phone: "It's a Liza Minnelli at Carnegie Hall crowd!"



(Overheard by N F-S at the Lady Gaga rally to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell)

What Do You Think He Looks Like?

Person One: "What does he look like?"

Person Two: "He's gay."




(Overheard by Kit Marlowe at the Lady Gaga rally to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell)

And Why Does Mommy Refer to Herself in the Third Person?

Woman pushing a shopping cart, to her toddler child: "Why does Mommy always get afraid to ask? She knows she should, but she's always too afraid."


(Overheard at Target in South Portland)

Brought to You by Meat

Movie patron, in a loud announcer's voice, responding to a commercial preceding Scott Pilgrim vs The World: "Science! Brought to you by meat!"



(Overheard at the Nickelodeon)

Gallows Humor

Obese lady in an electric wheelchair, laughing dismissively:  "Does it look like I could die of congestive heart failure?"

(Overheard by Dylan M. at the Rite Aid on Congress Street)

Be Brave

(Seen on Congress Street near Eli Phant)

Highway to the Danger Zone

College-age guy on plane, holding two pairs of aviator-style sunglasses, to seatmate: "Hey, will you put these on and sing the Top Gun theme song as we take off? You know, 'Danger Zone'?"

Seatmate: "Uh. No, I don't think so."

College guy (sadly): "Wow, somebody around here's gotta do it with me."




(Overheard by MH on a Portland-to-Detroit flight)

No Nitrous Required

Little boy on his way into the dentist's office: "I'm already calm."


(Overheard by ZWH at Just For Kids Pediatric Dentistry in Scarborough)

It Will Be Awkward

(Seen in the restroom at Bard on Middle Street )

No, Lady Gaga Calls the Shots

Harried mother, dragging her crying child by his forearm: "You do not call the shots -- there's a lot of people here!"



(Overheard in Deering Oaks at the Lady Gaga rally to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell)

We Have Our Whole Lives Ahead of Us

Hungry Friend 1: (to two people walking past with plates of pizza): "I'm so jealous of your slices!"

Hungry Friend 2: "No, you're not jealous. That pizza is old. We have our whole lives ahead of us."


(Overheard by Kate in front of Otto Pizza on Congress Street)

Having Zipper Troubles?

(Seen on Congress Street in the window of Antoine's)

No Way!

Man with long gray hair and a matching beard, stopping abruptly at the shampoo aisle, in a very loud voice: "Oh no, I'm not going down that aisle -- it smells!"



(Overheard at the back cove Hannaford)

Walking

One fiftyish guy to another: "You know what I hate about walking? The tripping and falling!"



(Overheard by JR in front of the Nickelodeon)

Almost 110 Percent, But Not Quite

Young man on cell phone: "Dude, I just want you to know that I'm behind you 101 percent.  101 percent."




(Overheard by CM on Gray Street)

The State of Maine

Middle-aged woman, scowling at broken hand drier, which has an "out of order" sign on it:  "You'd think it would behoove the state of Maine to fix that thing!"



(Overheard in the women's restroom at Wolf Neck State Park in Freeport)

As the Old People Say

Man standing in line at the bank, to his friend: "As the old people say, I've got too much month at the end of my money!"


(Overheard by DM at Five County Credit Union)

A Bad Idea

Young woman on her front porch speaking loudly into her cell phone: "Man, I told you that methadone was a baaaaad idea!"



 (Overheard by CM on Tate Street)