Dream Girl

Guy, to his friend: "I shoulda stayed with her. She was debt free...she had a king sized bed!"




(Overheard by KB on Congress Street)

America's Next Top Model

Enthusiastic eccentric man, to Starbucks barista: "You look like America's Next Top Model! I watch that show: you look just like her!"

(Overheard at a Starbucks in Portland)

Appreciation

One lady to another, admiring a five foot tall wooden nutcracker: "But look at the price tag..."

Second lady: "Oh, but it's such a good investment!"

(Overheard at the Christmas Tree Shops in Scarborough)

Let Us Do You

(Seen on Forest Avenue)

Does the Trick

One of four gentlemen to his associates: "Hey! My voice is back! See? I told you. All I need is a little booze and my voice comes back."

(Overheard by Captain Confrontation at the corner of India and Congress Streets)

Hunting Season

My sister, to a friend in honor of hunting season: "Here's the deal: if they shoot me, you make sure they eat me!"






(Seen on Facebook)

The Disgusting Facts of Life

One middle school girl to another: "Like seriously, does it have to have that disgusting stuff all over it?"

(Overheard by JP in the girls' bathroom after the sex ed. class where students practice putting condoms on test tubes, at a middle school north of Portland)

Get Fudged First

Kid on a BMX bike, to another kid: "It's like a classic P. Diddy party -- no booze, so you have to get really fudged before you go."



(Overheard by LJ in the West End)

Bow Tie

Intoxicated, Monchichi-haired young woman to friend: "You could have rocked the shit out of a bow tie. It's your moral obligation to wear a bow tie."




(Overheard by JL outside of Ruski's)

Do Not Fret

(Seen on Free Street by EZ)

Maybe We Should Just Go In and Find Out

Confused woman, peering at Bard Coffee: "Is it shopping?"

Man: "Hmm. Yeah...I think so?"

Woman: "It's a shopping -- oh, or it's an internet cafe?"

Man: "Oh, that could be."

Woman: "Or a coffee shop maybe?"






(Overheard by M P-S in front of Bard on Middle Street)

Fumes

(Seen at the Nickelodeon)

Voting on the Issues

Elderly woman, chatting with politicians outside of polling place: "I'll vote for anyone that can take care of the damned turkeys in my yard. I had 65 this year!"

(Overheard by JL outside the Italian Heritage Center)

Gross Gas

(Seen in Stonington)

Costume Storage

Woman in a Halloween costume which includes a short skirt and a sparkly wig: "My boobs are full of, like, my phone and my keys...."





(Overheard on Congress Street near Otto Pizza)

Catchy

First Guy: "They were great! They had this song, it was so good, it went "Murder. Death. Kill. Rape."

Second Guy: "Nice. Catchy!"

(Overheard by DM in Monument Square)

I.Q. Test

Nine year-old boy #1, watching leaves fall: "It's snowing!"

Nine year-old boy #2: "It's not snowing, Will. Will, do you need to be tested again?"

(Overheard near Nathan Clifford Elementary School)

Think Before You Vote

One Marden's customer to another: "I love Mahden's. But do ya really want Maine to look like Mahden's?"

(Overheard by KB at Marden's)

Which is Really What Halloween is All About

Little boy, admiring creepy Halloween decorations: “I think the girls’ll be freaked out.”





(Overheard by ES at the Falmouth Walmart)

Yo!

Man on cell phone: "Yo! It's me! Yo, it's me, brother, your Negro friend!"




(Overheard on Congress Street near Green Hand Books)

The Age of Consent

Guy: "I love this place! There were a bunch of really hot girls sitting around the statue earlier."

Girl: "They were probably girls from Portland High School."

Guy: "Oh. (Pause) But if they're seniors, that means that some of them might be 18, right?"




(Overheard by ED in Monument Square)

Philosophy

Man, stopping at the Philosophy department's table: "Philosophy! Is that even a real subject?"




(Overheard by JR at the USM open house)

This Fancy Bread Thing

Normal-looking man in line at Hannaford, holding two bags of English muffins, speaking to no one: "I don't know about no bread. See, I play sports - that's what I do, so I don't know about no bread. I'm from New York City, we don't do this, this fancy bread thing. See, this here's the country, in Maine, and that's the city. Yankees win tomorrow, I'll go on back home."




(Overheard at the Back Cove Hannaford)

Purves, etc.

(Seen by MT in the woods near the Maine/New Hampshire border)

It Doesn't Matter

Woman, to bookstore clerk: "Do you have any children's language books? I want to teach someone to speak American. She's from Iraq (pronounced eye-rack)."

Clerk: "Is she an adult?"

Customer: "No, but it doesn't matter."

(Overheard by JF at Borders in South Portland)

Be Safe, Kids

(Seen in Deering Oaks)

Not Tripping...

Woman, to fellow "healing practices" students: "Now I want to say: I didn't take LSD."

The group: "Okay, sure..."

Woman: "I had a journey where I was farted out of a crazy person and breathed in by star people. Then I popped out as an egg."




(Overheard at a restaurant on Congress Street)

...Or Not

College-aged girl to a group of friends: "I 'heart' anal. I should have that printed on my mailbox!"



(Overheard by DC in the Old Port)

Free

(Seen on State Street)

Bad Ass Snickers

Congress Street guy, abruptly crossing the street with a tiny dog on a leash, causing a pickup truck to screech to a halt: "They see Snickers coming, they fucking stop."




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)