Intervention

Man: "Have you ever had an intervention?"

Woman: "No."

Man: "Don't ever, EVER, let that happen to you."

(Overheard by Captain Confrontation outside of Mama's Crowbar)

Inside Joke?

Guy in big group of people emerging from a cab: "These people here have personality."

(Group laughs uproariously.)

Girl: "Who knew?!"

(Overheard by MM at the corner of Winter and Danforth Streets)

Vitamin D Works Wonders

Happy guy in a baseball cap, walking into the bank out of the 27 degree sunshine: "It's like a balmy summah day today!"

(Overheard by MC at the TruChoice Credit Union)

Street Poet

Congress street gentleman, to passerby: "Diamonds for teeth."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Anatomical Graffiti

(Seen on Woodmont Street)

Black Market Toe

Middle aged woman: "I'd call the black market, 1-800-BLACK-MARKET, and tell them to just take my toe."

(Overheard by AP at the Falmouth Goodwill)

Be Prepared

Sixty-something woman, to her friend: "It's okay as long as I go to bed before he does and, you know, prepare myself."





(Overheard at Target in South Portland)

My Fluffy and Your Fluffy

Woman in a big winter coat, navigating down an aisle between a display table and another woman at a register: "Okay: I'm right behind you here, and my fluffy is about to rub up against your fluffy!"





(Overheard by MT at Wyler's on Exchange Street)

Hair Loss

(Seen by Tony on Fore St. Photo Credit: Bennison Hagelin, who had a camera)

No Alcoholics Beyond This Point

(Seen at the Irish Heritage Center)

Make Mine Medium Rare

Eleven year old, after listening to several adults discussing someone with Asperger's: "Wait, what are ass burgers?"

(Overheard by MC in the Back Cove Hannaford parking lot)

Sounds Like a Good Deal

Possibly homeless, extremely cheerful man, to young woman: "I'll read you a funny poem for a dollar! I wrote it myself!"




(Overheard by ZWH on Commercial Street)

Merry Christmas!

Little girl, looking in a shop window: "Look, Mommy! It's Santa!"

Older boy: "Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!"

Even older boy: "Shut the fuck up!"

*Little girl starts crying, mother yells at boy*




(Overheard on Congress Street)

A Snuggie and a Hot Bath

Crazy man, to barista: "You look very stressed and unhappy. Do you always feel that way, or is it just today?"

Barista: "Uh, just today I guess."

Crazy man: "Well, I hope you have something comforting to go home to. Like a snuggie. Are you gonna take a hot bath when you get home?"

Barista: "Can I help the next person in line?"






(Overheard by ZWH at a Portland cafe)

Not With Those Rubber Bands Around Their Claws, Anyway

Little girl with her face pressed up against a tank of lobsters, hollering to her father: "DADDY! I'm not afraid! They can't hurt me!"

(Overheard at Walgreen's on Forest Avenue)

Dream Girl

Guy, to his friend: "I shoulda stayed with her. She was debt free...she had a king sized bed!"




(Overheard by KB on Congress Street)

America's Next Top Model

Enthusiastic eccentric man, to Starbucks barista: "You look like America's Next Top Model! I watch that show: you look just like her!"

(Overheard at a Starbucks in Portland)

Appreciation

One lady to another, admiring a five foot tall wooden nutcracker: "But look at the price tag..."

Second lady: "Oh, but it's such a good investment!"

(Overheard at the Christmas Tree Shops in Scarborough)

Let Us Do You

(Seen on Forest Avenue)

Does the Trick

One of four gentlemen to his associates: "Hey! My voice is back! See? I told you. All I need is a little booze and my voice comes back."

(Overheard by Captain Confrontation at the corner of India and Congress Streets)

Hunting Season

My sister, to a friend in honor of hunting season: "Here's the deal: if they shoot me, you make sure they eat me!"






(Seen on Facebook)

The Disgusting Facts of Life

One middle school girl to another: "Like seriously, does it have to have that disgusting stuff all over it?"

(Overheard by JP in the girls' bathroom after the sex ed. class where students practice putting condoms on test tubes, at a middle school north of Portland)

Get Fudged First

Kid on a BMX bike, to another kid: "It's like a classic P. Diddy party -- no booze, so you have to get really fudged before you go."



(Overheard by LJ in the West End)

Bow Tie

Intoxicated, Monchichi-haired young woman to friend: "You could have rocked the shit out of a bow tie. It's your moral obligation to wear a bow tie."




(Overheard by JL outside of Ruski's)

Do Not Fret

(Seen on Free Street by EZ)

Maybe We Should Just Go In and Find Out

Confused woman, peering at Bard Coffee: "Is it shopping?"

Man: "Hmm. Yeah...I think so?"

Woman: "It's a shopping -- oh, or it's an internet cafe?"

Man: "Oh, that could be."

Woman: "Or a coffee shop maybe?"






(Overheard by M P-S in front of Bard on Middle Street)

Fumes

(Seen at the Nickelodeon)

Voting on the Issues

Elderly woman, chatting with politicians outside of polling place: "I'll vote for anyone that can take care of the damned turkeys in my yard. I had 65 this year!"

(Overheard by JL outside the Italian Heritage Center)

Gross Gas

(Seen in Stonington)

Costume Storage

Woman in a Halloween costume which includes a short skirt and a sparkly wig: "My boobs are full of, like, my phone and my keys...."





(Overheard on Congress Street near Otto Pizza)