Happy Birthday!

Woman, to male companion: "I gave her a birthday card. Not a pornographic one."

(Overheard by DM at Arabica)

Some Days Are Like That

Congress Street guy, to no one in particular: "In just one day, I lost ten trillion dollars. In just one day."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Eww.

Woman on cell phone: "Sorry I'm so late getting back to you. You must have slipped through my crack."

(Overheard by CK in Monument Square)

Vacationland?

Indian contractor #1: "It is cold here, even in the summer."

Indian contractor #2: "Yes, I do not know why people come here to vacation."






(Overheard by DA in a Portland office)

Pick Up The Phona!

(Seen by AG on Milk Street)

How Long is Your Short?

Cute girl, to sharp looking fella: "How long is your short?"

Sharp looking fella, flashing a smile: "Ten minutes."





(Overheard by LB at Rogues Gallery)

Great Minds

Male voice: "Great minds piss alike."





(Overheard by DM in the restroom at Bayside Bowl)

It's Coming Back

Frail old gray-haired man with slight beard: "The cops made me shave. Punks thought I was a terrorist, so I shaved the motherfucker. But look -- it's coming back. Five days."





(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Vive la Différence

One café patron to another: "In Portland there is so much to do, but there is never any parking: in Lewiston there is plenty of parking but no place to go."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

These Days

Street commenter, referring to a group of senior citizen Egypt solidarity demonstrators: "Anything for a buck these days!"

(Overheard by DM at the corner of Exchange and Middle Streets)

It's Not Really Your Fault

Boyfriend, to his girlfriend: "It's not really your fault. He knew he was blind when he got on that bicycle!"

(Overheard by SJ in Lincoln Park)

A Friend

Man in wheelchair, to woman: "Ya lookin' for someone?"

Middle-aged woman: "Oh, I'm just looking for my friend."

Man (gesturing to teenage boy): "I bet he'd be your friend!"

(Overheard outside Otto on Congress Street)

Puddle Jumpers

Man: "Do you think that guy is gay?"

Woman: "You mean the guy in the white puddle jumpers?"

(Overheard by SC at Nosh)

Intervention

Man: "Have you ever had an intervention?"

Woman: "No."

Man: "Don't ever, EVER, let that happen to you."

(Overheard by Captain Confrontation outside of Mama's Crowbar)

Inside Joke?

Guy in big group of people emerging from a cab: "These people here have personality."

(Group laughs uproariously.)

Girl: "Who knew?!"

(Overheard by MM at the corner of Winter and Danforth Streets)

Vitamin D Works Wonders

Happy guy in a baseball cap, walking into the bank out of the 27 degree sunshine: "It's like a balmy summah day today!"

(Overheard by MC at the TruChoice Credit Union)

Street Poet

Congress street gentleman, to passerby: "Diamonds for teeth."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Anatomical Graffiti

(Seen on Woodmont Street)

Black Market Toe

Middle aged woman: "I'd call the black market, 1-800-BLACK-MARKET, and tell them to just take my toe."

(Overheard by AP at the Falmouth Goodwill)

Be Prepared

Sixty-something woman, to her friend: "It's okay as long as I go to bed before he does and, you know, prepare myself."





(Overheard at Target in South Portland)

My Fluffy and Your Fluffy

Woman in a big winter coat, navigating down an aisle between a display table and another woman at a register: "Okay: I'm right behind you here, and my fluffy is about to rub up against your fluffy!"





(Overheard by MT at Wyler's on Exchange Street)

Hair Loss

(Seen by Tony on Fore St. Photo Credit: Bennison Hagelin, who had a camera)

No Alcoholics Beyond This Point

(Seen at the Irish Heritage Center)

Make Mine Medium Rare

Eleven year old, after listening to several adults discussing someone with Asperger's: "Wait, what are ass burgers?"

(Overheard by MC in the Back Cove Hannaford parking lot)

Sounds Like a Good Deal

Possibly homeless, extremely cheerful man, to young woman: "I'll read you a funny poem for a dollar! I wrote it myself!"




(Overheard by ZWH on Commercial Street)

Merry Christmas!

Little girl, looking in a shop window: "Look, Mommy! It's Santa!"

Older boy: "Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!"

Even older boy: "Shut the fuck up!"

*Little girl starts crying, mother yells at boy*




(Overheard on Congress Street)

A Snuggie and a Hot Bath

Crazy man, to barista: "You look very stressed and unhappy. Do you always feel that way, or is it just today?"

Barista: "Uh, just today I guess."

Crazy man: "Well, I hope you have something comforting to go home to. Like a snuggie. Are you gonna take a hot bath when you get home?"

Barista: "Can I help the next person in line?"






(Overheard by ZWH at a Portland cafe)

Not With Those Rubber Bands Around Their Claws, Anyway

Little girl with her face pressed up against a tank of lobsters, hollering to her father: "DADDY! I'm not afraid! They can't hurt me!"

(Overheard at Walgreen's on Forest Avenue)

Dream Girl

Guy, to his friend: "I shoulda stayed with her. She was debt free...she had a king sized bed!"




(Overheard by KB on Congress Street)

America's Next Top Model

Enthusiastic eccentric man, to Starbucks barista: "You look like America's Next Top Model! I watch that show: you look just like her!"

(Overheard at a Starbucks in Portland)