No Cigarettes

Man, being escorted out of the library: "I got no cigarettes and no money. And when you got no cigarettes and no money, you gotta do something. I'm sorry if eveyone thought I was all "scary." (using finger quotes)

Same guy, 10 minutes later, to a female companion, on the sidewalk: "What? I didn't do anything."






(Overheard by LW at the Portland Public Library)

Raining in China

Middle-Aged Man #1: "You know, the weather this week is supposed to be really shitty."

Middle-Aged Man #2: "Where...here?"

Man #1 (sarcastically): "No, in China!"

(Overheard by AJGL in the Planet Fitness locker room)

The Glass is Half Empty

Grocery bagger, to customer: "How's it going today, sir?"

Customer: "It's going well, but there's still plenty of time for it to go bad."







(Overheard at the Back Cove Hannaford)

I Thought I Knew You!

Old, obviously intoxicated man, shouting at a car: "What happened to us, man? I thought I knew you! I really...I really...O Danny boy...the pipes, the pipes are calling...from glen to glen..."

(Overheard by AJGL on Commercial Street)

Him Too!

Man, shouting up a set of stairs: "You! You! You, and that fucking Al from Rite Aid!"

(Overheard by LW on Congress Street near Franklin Street)

Drinking Buddies

Man, to two women: "You know what I like about you guys? When you get drunk, you don't turn mental. You stay normal."

(Overheard by LW near Sangillo's)

A Million Dollars

One landscaper to another (who seems to be hiding in the bushes): "I don't understand those people who say they wouldn't know what to do with a million dollars. I could spend a million dollars in one day. I mean, you could save it and spend it wisely, and live on it for a long time - but you could buy an island or a fighter jet and it would just be gone."




(Overheard by AF in the West End)

Designated Lexus Driver

Friend, to drunk girl: "I don't think you can drive right now."

Drunk girl, stumbling: "I know how to drive -- I have a Lexus!"






(Overheard by KW in Monument Square)

The Children Are Our Future

Random woman in checkout line (gesturing toward a baby): "There's the future, right there. Those kids are all going to find jobs somehow and bail out social security in fifty years."

(Overheard by JR at Whole Foods)

Anger Management

Man on cellphone at 9 am, yelling at the top of his lungs: "Stop fucking harassing me, you drunk bitch!"






(Overheard by MB next to the Nickelodeon)

Oops

Very loud person on cellphone: "You wouldn't believe it - I'm walking down Congress Street, and my pants just split down the middle!"

(Overheard by MS on Congress Street)

Yum

Kid 1: "I am not going to be able to run today."

Kid 2: "Oh, really?"

Kid 1: "Yeah. I just ate a shit..."






(Overheard by MW on Congress Street across from City Hall)

Career Advice

Woman, to friend: "I'd rather be a picker or a packer at L.L.Bean than insert a Foley catheter."





(Overheard on Austin Street)

Time Flies

Bearded man #1 (with Maine accent): "This place has not been the same since J died."

Bearded man #2 (no accent): "When was that?"

Bearded man #1: "Twenty years ago."






(Overheard by JR at J's Oyster Bar)

Olive Garden

Teen mom with baby to teen dad: "It's not fucking McDonald's or Burger King. It's Olive Garden and you're fucking taking me!"





(Overheard by KC outside the Portland Public Library)

Untruths

Studying Girl 1: (reading from a textbook) "...was repetitious. Repetitious. That's not a word, is it? It doesn't sound like a word."

Studying Girl 2: "No, that's definitely not a word. You should tell your teacher that the book is wrong. Maybe he'll cancel the test."

(Overheard by jj @ SMCC)

Deep Thoughts

Intellectual Man: "Everything is so destroyed that nature doesn't even, like, exist."

Intellectual Woman: "Well, what is nature, really?"






(Overheard by DM at Local 188)

Happy Birthday!

Woman, to male companion: "I gave her a birthday card. Not a pornographic one."

(Overheard by DM at Arabica)

Some Days Are Like That

Congress Street guy, to no one in particular: "In just one day, I lost ten trillion dollars. In just one day."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Eww.

Woman on cell phone: "Sorry I'm so late getting back to you. You must have slipped through my crack."

(Overheard by CK in Monument Square)

Vacationland?

Indian contractor #1: "It is cold here, even in the summer."

Indian contractor #2: "Yes, I do not know why people come here to vacation."






(Overheard by DA in a Portland office)

Pick Up The Phona!

(Seen by AG on Milk Street)

How Long is Your Short?

Cute girl, to sharp looking fella: "How long is your short?"

Sharp looking fella, flashing a smile: "Ten minutes."





(Overheard by LB at Rogues Gallery)

Great Minds

Male voice: "Great minds piss alike."





(Overheard by DM in the restroom at Bayside Bowl)

It's Coming Back

Frail old gray-haired man with slight beard: "The cops made me shave. Punks thought I was a terrorist, so I shaved the motherfucker. But look -- it's coming back. Five days."





(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Vive la Différence

One café patron to another: "In Portland there is so much to do, but there is never any parking: in Lewiston there is plenty of parking but no place to go."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

These Days

Street commenter, referring to a group of senior citizen Egypt solidarity demonstrators: "Anything for a buck these days!"

(Overheard by DM at the corner of Exchange and Middle Streets)

It's Not Really Your Fault

Boyfriend, to his girlfriend: "It's not really your fault. He knew he was blind when he got on that bicycle!"

(Overheard by SJ in Lincoln Park)

A Friend

Man in wheelchair, to woman: "Ya lookin' for someone?"

Middle-aged woman: "Oh, I'm just looking for my friend."

Man (gesturing to teenage boy): "I bet he'd be your friend!"

(Overheard outside Otto on Congress Street)

Puddle Jumpers

Man: "Do you think that guy is gay?"

Woman: "You mean the guy in the white puddle jumpers?"

(Overheard by SC at Nosh)