They Just Don't Cut It

Elderly woman, to veggie/herb vendor at the farmer's market: "Lesbian shavers are great, but they just don't always cut it for me."







(Overheard by DC at the Monument Square farmer's market)

The Clowns

Middle-aged woman, to two little girls: "I don't know if any more alcohol is such a good idea, since you've already had a donut and we have the clowns later."






(Overheard by DC at the Monument Square farmer's market)

Nudity

Art walking man, to female friend: "I would be so embarrassed to see a naked baby!"





(Overheard by BCM at a Portland art gallery)

That Never Works

One frowny teenager to another: "You tried to cheat on your girlfriend on Congress--that never works."






(Overheard by AP on Congress Street)

Just Like New York

Woman (pointing to parking lot): "If you park here you'll feel just like you were in New York City: someone will yell at you and everything."





(Overheard by JR in the West End)

Vive la Différence

Middle-aged L.L.Bean catalog woman to Trader Joe's worker: "What is the difference between the extra firm tofu and the firm tofu? Is it the taste?"





(Overheard by @jugglinggeese at Trader Joe's)

Oh My God

Well-dressed man with Jesus sign who rides a bike: (preaches the gospel)

Passing man with 666 tattooed on his forehead, disgustedly: "Oh my GOD!"






(Overheard by Captain Confrontation in Congress Square)

Welcome to Portland

Man shouting out his car window: "Does anybody know where I can get some god damn weed in this fucking town?!"





(Overheard by KT in Longfellow Square)

Did I Ask You if You Smoked?

Crazy customer: "Hey, you got a lighter?"

Barista: "No, I'm sorry. I don't smoke..."

Crazy customer: "I DIDN'T ASK YOU IF YOU FUCKING SMOKED."





(Overheard by KT at Coffee By Design on Congress Street)

A Dollar Fifty

Skinny guy with basketball shorts, a wife beater, and calf tattoos: "Hey! Hey! Ask him about CJ borrowing a dollar-fifty. SERIOUSLY, DO that."

CJ's friend: "I will! I will!"

CJ: "Tell 'em, 'CJ wants a dolla-fifty for a bee-ahh! For a Pabst...'"






(Overheard by EC on Brackett Street)

Hey, Bro

One guy to another: "I'm not gonna be like, 'Hey, bro, don't do this, like, ever, but we're gonna go pick up some prostitutes...'"






(Overheard by JW on Congress Street)

Very Problematic

Thirty-something professional man, to fifty-something professional male companion: "It's NOT a wine bar. You have to order food too. And there are all these disgusting tattoos...on women. It's very problematic."






(Overheard by AN outside Figa on Congress Street)

Hey Girl

Red-haired teenage boy, with a knowing smile, to passing man: "Hey girl."






(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

You're Too Good For Her

Lady buying movie tickets: "You're nice. Want to meet my daughter? Sure. Well, to be honest, you're too good for her."






(Overheard by @iwasthewalrus at the Nickelodeon)

Quintessentially New York

20-something biker hipster to group of friends: "Oh my God: Mexican chocolate! It’s, like, the two things that are quintessentially New York!”





(Overheard by GS in the Mt. Desert ice cream shop on Exchange Street)

First Date?

Man on cell phone: "That's the only time I was with her. When I got Tased, I went home."

(Overheard by KR on Congress Street)

You Know Me

One man to another: "You know me: I like my sorcery."

(Overheard by DM at the Congress Street Coffee By Design)

The Problem With Urban Living

One man to a group of his friends: "The problem with urban living is that you have to hear other people's music and smell other people's cooking."

Older friend: "That is why we are not going to move to the city until we retire: by then we won't be able to hear or smell a thing."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

The Way Bus Driving Should Be

Bus driver, furious about late arriving passengers: "Jesus Christ, I gotta dump this Maine route."







(Overheard on the South Station to Portland Concord Coach Line bus)

Winning the Lottery

One teenager to another: "What would you do if you won the lottery?"

The other teenager: "Yo, I would do it up! I would get corn rows and everything, yo!"






(Overheard by AW on Cleeve Street at 2am)

Cancer

Mother, with lit cigarette in lips, to elementary school aged son: "What you need to know is that cancer is not a death sentence. 98% of the time it's not."






(Overheard by AN on North Street)

Kids in Portland

Maine mom in tank top, to kid running down the sidewalk dodging pedestrians: "Hey, I hope you said, 'Excuse me' to those people when you ran by them! Half the kids in Portland think they're gangstah!"






(Overheard by KC on Congress Street near Joe's Smoke Shop)

Organic Cheese

Mother in her kitchen: "I just want my goddamn organic cheese!"

(Overheard by AJGL on Highland Street)

Dream Date

Girl 1: "So you have a date, eh?"

Girl 2: "Yeah, he's a Jewish graphic designer that loves sushi and commitment."






(Overheard by VP in Portland)

More Sexy

One old man to another: "You know, what this town needs is more sexy. Good looking guys like us can only compensate for so much ugly."






(Overheard by MW on the Eastern Prom)

Getting Old

30-something guy, holding bouquet of flowers, to girl: "I am getting old. My knees are stiff, and I have never been with two women."






(Overheard by KC In front of an art gallery on Congress Street)

A Change of Plans

Man on cellphone: "Hey dude, I thought that we had plans to eat grilled cheese sandwiches today."







(Overheard by JR on Free Street)

Do You Understand What This Means?

Man outside window: "I care not about the fucking electrical storm. I am going to tie you to a tree and burn you to death forever, Jerry. Do you hear me? [screaming] DO YOU UNDERSTAND. WHAT. THIS. MEANS?!"





(Overheard by DM on State Street)

You're Not Fuckin' Four

Stroller-pushing Maine mom, to older child walking alongside: "Quit whinin'! What are you, nine? You're not fuckin' four! God damn."






(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Nice Weather

One burly bald guy to another: "So nice out today. Perfect drinkin' weather."






(Overheard in the parking lot at the Back Cove Hannaford)