Steak

Man in pickup truck, to young woman: "Hey, do you like steak? This car is full of steak! Hey, did I mention that I love you?"








(Overheard by ZWH on Marginal Way)

Pigeon Love

First plain-clothed cyclist to second: "Did you see that guy!? He just kissed that pigeon!"







(Overheard by CM and SV at Congress and High Streets)

Inside Joke

One Trader Joe's employee to another: "Do you have any xylophones?"

Other Trader Joe's employee: "Oh yeah!"







(Overheard at Trader Joe's)

Iced Coffee

Man carrying beer up Munjoy Hill: "So this crackhead totally smashed a coffee pot in the store today--chucked it at this dude's head."

Second man, concerned: "Was it iced coffee?"








(Overheard by A on Munjoy Hill)

Crazy Neighbors

12 year old girl, to two younger children: "So, this house is where our neighbor who doesn't own a car lives. The boy's grandmother has a car, but they don't. They walk everywhere!"







(Overheard by Captain Confrontation on Munjoy Hill)

No Search Warrant

Angry man yelling on telephone: "I don't care what she said, they didn't have a search warrant!"






(Overheard by JC near the Nickelodeon)

Fancy Clothes

Smoking woman to man: "Fuck all my bitchy co-workers and their fancy clothes."







(Overheard on Congress Street)

Tired

Woman to friends: "I mean, I'm like so tired of Nazis...that's what she said!"







(Overheard by AF at the Dogfish Bar and Grille)

Plans

Drunk woman to friends: "Tomorrow morning we're going to shop our shit out at Hannaford's."







(Overheard by AS at Portland Lobster Company)

After the Fireworks

Awkward preteen girl to even more awkward preteen boy: “Halley said she wants you to ask her out under the fireworks after the game. She said she will seriously cry of happiness if you do that, okay?”

Preteen boy: “You’ve already told me three times, just stop.”

Preteen girl: “Michael, you can’t act like a boy about this! Do you know how serious this is?! She said she will cry with happiness if you ask her out!”

(Overheard by GS and RS at the Sea Dogs)

Epilogue: He ended up asking her out, after being bullied throughout the entire game by the group of ten preteen girlfriends.

Just Kidding

High school student, enthusiastically, to his friends: "Hey, who wants to check out the gay bar?!"

(Long, silent pause.)

High school student, abashed: "Just kidding."







(Overheard by AF on Fore Street)

Gollum, You Idiot!

Little kid #1: "Daddy, was Bilbo Baggins a liar?"

Dad: "Yes, he was."

Little kid #2: "What did he lie about?"

Dad: "I don't really remember, but he was a liar."

Random guy walking by: "He lied about Gollum and the ring, idiot!"

(Overheard by AJGL on the Eastern Prom)

Queen of the World

Congress Street man: "Fifteen million for a watch. A hundred million for a yacht. I'm the queen of the world. I'm the richest homosexual in the world."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Mess You Up

(Seen by EZF on a cooler full of beer at a high school graduation party)

John White

Smoking man #1: "I saw John White yesterday."

Smoking man #2, agitated: "John White's a murderer!"

Smoking man #1: "What? Who'd he murder?"

Smoking man #2: "ME!"







(Overheard by LKW outside a Cumberland Farms in Augusta)

Roger

Older man to young woman: "Roger likes you. He really does. If you needed to borrow five dollars, you could get it from Roger."







(Overheard by LKW outside a Commercial Street bar)

They Just Don't Cut It

Elderly woman, to veggie/herb vendor at the farmer's market: "Lesbian shavers are great, but they just don't always cut it for me."







(Overheard by DC at the Monument Square farmer's market)

The Clowns

Middle-aged woman, to two little girls: "I don't know if any more alcohol is such a good idea, since you've already had a donut and we have the clowns later."






(Overheard by DC at the Monument Square farmer's market)

Nudity

Art walking man, to female friend: "I would be so embarrassed to see a naked baby!"





(Overheard by BCM at a Portland art gallery)

That Never Works

One frowny teenager to another: "You tried to cheat on your girlfriend on Congress--that never works."






(Overheard by AP on Congress Street)

Just Like New York

Woman (pointing to parking lot): "If you park here you'll feel just like you were in New York City: someone will yell at you and everything."





(Overheard by JR in the West End)

Vive la Différence

Middle-aged L.L.Bean catalog woman to Trader Joe's worker: "What is the difference between the extra firm tofu and the firm tofu? Is it the taste?"





(Overheard by @jugglinggeese at Trader Joe's)

Oh My God

Well-dressed man with Jesus sign who rides a bike: (preaches the gospel)

Passing man with 666 tattooed on his forehead, disgustedly: "Oh my GOD!"






(Overheard by Captain Confrontation in Congress Square)

Welcome to Portland

Man shouting out his car window: "Does anybody know where I can get some god damn weed in this fucking town?!"





(Overheard by KT in Longfellow Square)

Did I Ask You if You Smoked?

Crazy customer: "Hey, you got a lighter?"

Barista: "No, I'm sorry. I don't smoke..."

Crazy customer: "I DIDN'T ASK YOU IF YOU FUCKING SMOKED."





(Overheard by KT at Coffee By Design on Congress Street)

A Dollar Fifty

Skinny guy with basketball shorts, a wife beater, and calf tattoos: "Hey! Hey! Ask him about CJ borrowing a dollar-fifty. SERIOUSLY, DO that."

CJ's friend: "I will! I will!"

CJ: "Tell 'em, 'CJ wants a dolla-fifty for a bee-ahh! For a Pabst...'"






(Overheard by EC on Brackett Street)

Hey, Bro

One guy to another: "I'm not gonna be like, 'Hey, bro, don't do this, like, ever, but we're gonna go pick up some prostitutes...'"






(Overheard by JW on Congress Street)

Very Problematic

Thirty-something professional man, to fifty-something professional male companion: "It's NOT a wine bar. You have to order food too. And there are all these disgusting tattoos...on women. It's very problematic."






(Overheard by AN outside Figa on Congress Street)

Hey Girl

Red-haired teenage boy, with a knowing smile, to passing man: "Hey girl."






(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

You're Too Good For Her

Lady buying movie tickets: "You're nice. Want to meet my daughter? Sure. Well, to be honest, you're too good for her."






(Overheard by @iwasthewalrus at the Nickelodeon)