Boys Vs Girls

Grocery bagger, to cashier: "Boys or girls?"

Cashier: "Two boys, girl in the middle. If I'da known then what I know now, I'da figured out a way to make 'em all boys."





(Overheard at Hannaford)

Also Known as Sunlight

Man to Hannaford employee (gesturing to rain, arms wide open): "Isn't this great, liquid radiation!"






(Overheard by JR in the Hannaford parking lot)

Real Men

Drunk woman, screaming:  "Real men eat pussy!"





(Overheard by DM on Brackett Street)

LP

Young woman on her cell phone: “I finally figured it out. LP stands for long playing!”





(Overheard by NK at the corner of Pearl Street and Middle Street)

Or the Weather Channel

Sharply-dressed young man to two scruffy guys: "Hey, do you know what the weather's going to be like tonight?"

Scruffy guy number one: "No."

Sharply-dressed man: "Maybe you should watch the news."

Scruffy guy number one to scruffy guy number two: "What the fuck is he talking about?"






(Overheard by JF on Preble Street)

Text Me?

Early 30's man, speaking to a woman walking several yards in front of him: "If you're gonna ditch me for your ex-boyfriend, at least give me a fuckin' text."





(Overheard by DM on Free Street)

Whatever

Woman to man: "What do you want for dinner? Sushi? Whatever, you're cooking."






(Overheard by EB at Hannaford in Rockland)

Don't Knock Like a Cop

20-something woman, restraining large pitbull, to two baggy pants wearing 20-ish men: "When you get up to the door, knock loud. But not, you know, not like a cop loud!"





(Overheard by AN on Congress Street)

Chickens

Man to family: "Chickens for five dollars? Down at the corner store they're ninety-nine cents!"







(Overheard by MH in the poultry barn at the Common Ground Fair)

Shut Up

Dude sitting in a Civic Center alcove across from Margaritas Mexican Restaurant: "Shut up...goddamn...Mexican...(long, long pause)...restaurant."






(Overheard by DM on Free Street)

The Best Seats in Heaven

Elderly lady wearing a floppy straw hat: "You can give some girls the best seats in heaven and they still want more."






(Overheard by Pleko at the Getty on Broadway in South Portland)

Probation

Very loud young man on cell phone: "I wasn't going to go out there, you know, 'cause of probation and shit...but I ended up going and had a real good time!"





(Overheard by BC on Congress Street)

First Class

Woman on cellphone: "I will not so much as step foot on a plane unless I know that someone is at some point going to hand me a fresh hot towel."







(Overheard by JR at Whole Foods Market)

Hindsight

50ish professional-looking woman to 50ish professional-looking man: “I would have gone out with you sooner, but I didn’t know then I was married to such an asshole.”






(Overheard by LK at On the Border in South Portland)

Congratulations!

Tank-topped, jeans-ass-dragging youth to buddy: "Hey man, even though I'm still unemployed, I manage to get up at 8am every morning!"






(Overheard by KC in Monument Square)

Mmm, Salty.

Tourist man, looking at water fountain: "Do you think it's sea water?"

Tourist woman: "I'm not sure, let me try."






 (Overheard by CM on the Eastern Prom)

That's Freedom Dressing to You

Man to woman: "I can't believe they don't have French dressing. That's just weird."






(Overheard at Trader Joe's)

Hot Dog Wisdom

Hot dog vendor to customer: "...It'd still be breaking the law. Even though it's a photo of you, it's still child porn..."


Hot dog vendor, five minutes later: "...Even I can't afford a sports car, and I own a cellphone!"





 (Overheard by WB near Tommy's Park)

Only a White Lie

Dude in chair: ‎"A lie is a lie. People say, 'Oh, it's only a white lie.' A lie is a lie. What's the alternative, a black lie? Ha ha ha. Hey, now you're getting racist. Ha ha ha."






(Overheard by DM at the Congress Street Coffee by Design)

Bananas

Middle-aged man running down the street: "But I don't have any bananas!"

(Overheard by AJGL on Congress Street)

Watch Your Mouth, Watson

Meek-sounding male voice: "Honey, I...(garbled words)...fish...(garbled)..."

 Harsh female voice: "Oh, really? Well no SHIT, Sherlock!"

 Meek-sounding male voice: "Aww...(garble)..."






(Overheard by AJGL on Prospect Street)

Hype

Young man to friend: "Hurricane Irene totally did not live up to all of the hype."

Friend: "Yeah, just like Avatar."








(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

Marijuana People

Man to his wife, walking past fire dancers: "Well...they look like marijuana people to me."

(Overheard by TF in Tommy's Park)

41-Okay

Sharp teenage grandson: "My dad wants a new job. Someplace where they have a retirement plan or something."

Not quite as sharp grandfather: "Yeah, he really needs one of those 41-okay plans."






(Overhead by BS in Mercy Hospital's Emergency Department)

Thanks For The Advice

Scrawny, tattooed, toothless man pushing baby carriage, to passing woman: "Hey, I like your shades. Aviators are the way to go. You should get the mirrored kind, though, so you can see if someone's checking out your ass."







(Overheard in Deering Oaks)

...To Go To College?

Guy to group of guys: "I was the first dude in my family...to fuck a bitch in all 50 states."







(Overheard by SE outside of Joe's Smoke Shop)

Not-So-Funtown

Woman with Maine accent, to dental hygienist: "After all those rides in Orlando, I just don't think Funtown's gonna be very fun for him."







(Overheard at a pediatric dentist's office in Scarborough)

Good Idea

Old man explaining his philosophy on women: "I've had two of 'em try to hit me, and they ended up with broken arms. I just try to stay away from 'em now. I learned from my mama, and she had an IQ of 187!"








(Overheard by MB on a Portland Metro bus)

Words to Live By

Seemingly gay man to girl: "Rule number one: never grab a gay man by the flaccid penis."

Girl: "Words to live by."







(Overheard by LB at Local 188)

Okay.

Mid 20's woman on cellphone: "She's been fucked by everyone in Portland, but I'm not going to fuck her."







(Overheard by AC on Commercial Street)