It's really worth more

Older Man in Italia shirt: ...because I'm Italian, that's why. Now, how much do I owe you?
Cashier woman: A million dollars. Well, a hundred thousand because you're Italian.
Older Man in Italia shirt: Fair enough.


Overheard at Amato's

The Happiest Season of All

Woman in twenties: ...so, and it was Christmas Eve, and it bit me, and I was swinging it back and forth when it just died! And I never got another hamster.

(Overheard at Scarborough Beach)

A condradiction, perhaps?

Man: I am Josef Stalin, the Pope, and God, all in one.
Teen girl: Yur pope-name should be Eular. Then you'd be Pope-Eular.
Man: I am the most pope-eular.

I'm telling you, I didn't think so

Teen Boy: I'm telling you, I did NOT give birth.

Overheard at South Portland tennis courts.

Papaya?

Non-latina non-Spanish speaking teenage girl: I can't read anything on this bottle! God, I wish it was in English. What is this anyway? Oh, a papayera. That's the blood fruit right?
Spanish speaking teenage girl: What? Papayera?
Non-latina non-Spanish speaking teenage girl: Papayaya? Papapapayah?

He'll do that for a while.

Comrade Rafa's Dad: What's the score?
Gas Station Clerk: Don't know. Here, I'll turn it up.
Comrade Rafa's Dad: They were losing last time I checked.
Gas Station Clerk: Yeah, but they're the Sox! They can turn it around. Oh, here's Kevin Youkilis.
Comrade Rafa's Dad: Youk, Youk, Youk!!!
Comrade Rafa: I'm going.
Comrade Rafa's Dad: Youk, Youk, Youk!


Overheard/Spoken at Blue Canoe on Commercial St.

So many types of killing.

Woman: Was he a serial killer or a mass killer?
Man: Mass killers kill a bunch of people they know. Serial killers just kill a bunch of random people in random places.
Woman: Well, which was it?
Man: Did he know them? Cause that changes it.
Woman: Maybe he was a spree killer.
Man: Which one's that?
Woman: About halfway between.


Overheard at Videoport

But how many name their animals after candy?

Somewhat Crazy man with dog walks out of bathroom.
Somewhat Crazy Man: She's a service dog! She can go anywhere.
Woman: I see.
Somewhat Crazy Man: Anywhere. Her name is Snickers. Just like the candy.
Woman. Oh.
Somwhat Crazy Man: Just like it!
Man: You get all kinds in the men's room.

Overheard at the Nickelodeon Theatre

More Delicious

Wild Oats Manager (gesturing to meat case): ...and free range animals are happier animals. And happy animals are healthier animals. And healthy animals are more delicious!

Brownie Troop: Yay!


(Overheard in the meat department in Wild Oats)

About to Dump

Woman talking to sky: OHHHHH, looks like it's about to DUMP!

(Overheard in parking lot of Wild Oats.)

Bad Ass

Punk girl #1: She's, like, a bad ass, but she's really pretty!

Punk girl #2: I know, I saw her, and I was like, "Damn!"

Punk girl #1: That's like, totally how I want to be percieved by people.


(Overheard in the Old Port.)

Skinny Meg

Woman #1: Well, you are small.

Woman #2: But I'm not like skinny Meg!

(Overheard by Artemis at Bubblemaineia)

Tall Means Power

Woman #1: I always feel tall in shoes; it's a psychological thing.

Woman #2: That's okay. Tall means power.

(Overheard by Artemis in Kohl's, in South Portland)

The Fuck Song

Teenage girl: Oh, do we have the Fuck Song? Or does Grandma still have it?

(Overheard in a car)

Love in the Quick Check-Out

Man: That turns me on.
Woman: Oh, does it? (While rubbing a box containing a whole rotisserie chicken against Man's chest.)

(Overheard at Westbrook Shaw's supermaket)

Theivery!

Cool Dude: And then he was all like "Gimme a sip of your drink."
Hip Chick: What did you say?
Cool Dude: I was like, "No way man, I've fallen for that way too many times before."
Hip Chick: Good, like, assertiveness.

They're Everywhere

Guy: Wait, so where are they?
Girl: They live, like, on the skin of apples.
Guy: Whoa.

Overheard on Emery St. Sunday afternoon

546 Years Young

Teacher: I actually went to visit Ponce de Leon's house in Puerto Rico.
8th grader: Oh, he's still alive? Oh...

(Overheard at King Middle School)

Ain't That the Truth?

Loud Lady: Sometimes, when you're very angry, it's hard to say the word "defecation."

(Overheard at Panera in Westbrook)

Middle School Communist

8th grader 1: Why do you hate Communists?
Communist 8th grader: I am a Communist.
Long pause
8th grader 1: So why do you hate them?
Communist 8th grader: I don't.
8th grader 1: Oh.
Long pause
8th grader 1: Wait, so like, what is Communism?

(Overheard at King Middle School)

Not Bad, For a Hundred Bucks

Guy with an earring: Yep, I've been to Fore Street [the restaurant]. Oh, oh yeah... it's not great, but it's decent.

(Overheard on the sidewalk outside Fore Street)

Balthazar

8th grader 1: Ha, ha, Balthazar.
8th grader 2: What, Balthazar? What, who, why, who told you about Balthazar? Did you just say Balthazar?
8th grader 1: Ha, ha. I just called her Balthazar.

(Overheard at King Middle School)

Circumchances

Man with slick hair style walking by with group of friends with shiny shoes: It's just different circumchances.

Shogun

Party animal A : We'll pretend I didn't just do that (after knocking over a grill on back porch).
Party animal B : We'll blame it on me.
Party animal A : We'll blame it on you.
Party animal B : We'll blame it on me because I'm the shogun.
Party animal A : Yes.

Lisp

My Mom: My daughter plays the harp.
Korean Tailor: OHHH! The harp! Your daughter happy playing, and you happy just shitting there watching her play!

(Overheard at The Sewing Shop)

Interesting Metaphor

Woman: ...so then yesterday, I went hiking with this guy who has size 14 feet, but they don't make size 14 hiking shoes, so he had to get size 13! Can you imagine? Anyway, then we biked all the way to the general store, bought a couple bananas and a bottle of beer, and ate it like a rat!

(Overheard at Yosaku.)

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

8th Grader 1: You touch my stuff?!
8th Grader 2: No, why would I touch your stuff?
8th Grader 1: You don't touch my stuff! You touch my stuff and I kick your head off!!!

(Overheard at King Middle School)

Mispro-nown-ciation

Pompous Business Guy: NAN! NAN! COULD WE HAVE SOME NAN OVER HERE!
{meant naan}

(Overheard at Tandoor Indian Cuisine)

Weapons of Mass Destruction

Hippie art student #1: Yeah, that would be so cool!
Hippie art student #2: And we could have, like, car bombs!

(Overheard at UMaine Orono)

Mattress Car

Art Student #1: Oh, man! Look at this!
Art Student #2: Cool! Metal bed frame!
Art Student #1: OH! We could put on bicycle wheels and a mattress, and ride it down the street!!!


(Overheard near USM)