Are You a Good Witch? Or a Bad Witch?

Guy running up to me: "Are you an undercover cop giving out tickets, or a vigilante secretly feeding the meter?"

Me (somewhat shocked by the question): "I am just unlocking my bike."

Guy (putting quarters in meter): "Oh."





(Overheard beside a parking meter in downtown Portland by JR)

Lollygagging

Sketchy street kid: "Hey, how's it going?"

Man walking by: "It's going fine."

Street kid: "Hey, can I borrow your cell phone?"

Man: "Uh, sure." (dials for the kid, then hands over the phone)

Street kid, into cell phone: "I'm at the corner, man! Quit lollygagging!"




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Half-Vegetarian

Middle School Aged Boy 1: "Today is International Hug a Vegetarian Day!"

*Everyone around gives hugs*

Middle School Aged Boy 2: :Wait, aren't you only, like, half vegetarian? Like, your mom is vegetarian, and you're dad's like, Colombian or something like that, right?"




(Overheard at King Middle School)

A Big Problem in Haiti

Hipster girl, pushing her bike while talking on her cell phone: "What if she gets kidnapped and turned into a zombie? I hear that's a big problem in Haiti. Is that what you're worried about? (pauses to listen) No, listen, this is legit!"

(Overheard on Congress Street by Margot)

Cookies

Women #1, admiring cookie cutters: "I like these, I could put them on my kitchen wall."

Women #2: "Or you could make some cookies."





(Overheard at LaRoux's Kitchen, cookie cutter wall)

I Triple Dogg Dare You

It's a Rental

Dad, to his son who is driving: "It doesn't matter if you ride the curb. It's a rental."




(Overheard on Park Street)

I only eat soft serve!

Grammar School Child Number One: "I love ice cream!"

Grammar School Child Number Two: "Me too. Especially soft serve. I love that stuff."

Number One: "So what were you guys playing?"

Number Two: "Soccer."

Number One: "Yeah, soft serve is the best."





(Overheard on Glenwood Street)

Loses All Its Nutrients?

Guy from Kansas, chopping carrots: "If we're cutting this up so finely, doesn't it lose all its nutrients?"

Woman: "HAHA! That doesn't matter!"

Guy from Kansas: "But... if you cook it, it does, right?"

Woman: "That's different!"






(Overheard in a kitchen on Brighton Avenue)

In A Can

Intoxicated individual: "Hey! You've got - that's my shirt!! Rude!"

Just a Guy: "Hey! Go do it in a can!"




(Overheard on the Maine State Pier)

High School Will Be Better, I Promise

Eager middle school girl: "Did you notice my new sweatshirt from Aéropostale?"

Snotty middle school girl: "No. I didn't."





(Overheard near King Middle School on the first day of school)

Religious Dialogue on Congress Street

Angrily shouting homeless guy number one: "The Ten Commandments were written for Moses! That's who they were written for!"

Angrily shouting homeless guy number two: "The Ten Commandments were written for the Jewish people! And no one else!"





(Overheard on Congress Street by Margot)

How To Meet Your Next Date?

Parking guy: "Hey, I've dated some of the women whose cars I've booted. I've even had to boot some of them again."





(Overheard on Sliver Street)

Infrared Conversion

Customer: "Photoshop has an infrared conversion effect??"




(Overheard by Anthony Joe at the Photo Market)

Crazy Navajo

Crazy guy, doing spiritual native American hand gestures: "Hey sister! Any chance you can help out a crazy Navajo?"

Me, a boy: "What?"

Crazy Navajo: "I'm wet, I'm from Tuscon Arizona, and I need your umbrella!"





(Overheard by IWH on Congress Street in the rain)

And You Know What That Means!

Girl, describing why her two friends should meet and possibly hit it off romantically: "She likes tinctures, he likes tinctures..."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

So Cute

Crazy Woman with gold tooth: "How old is your baby?"

Babysitter: "Almost a year."

Crazy Woman: (laughs maniacally for an extremely uncomfortable length of time)

Crazy Woman: "She's so cute! How old is she?"




(Overheard by Z and I in Monument Square)

Hands Up, Buddy

Little Kid A to Little Kid B: "I've got seaweed, and I'm not afraid to use it!"






(Overheard by Anonymous at Crescent Beach)

German Bus

Concord-Trailways bus driver, to passengers over the loudspeaker: "This is my favorite bus...NOT. Those Germans don't know how to design a bus. This bus is a piece of crap!"






(Overheard by Margot on the Boston-to-Portland bus)

Poop

Young boy, from inside a bathroom stall: "Mom, it feels so good when the poop comes out!"




(Overheard by Deb at Flatbread)

Patriots

Blond 20-something woman in car with New Hampshire plates, gesturing to the bumper sticker on the back of my car, which is parked in my driveway: "Way to ruin America!"

Me, confused: "Huh? Way to ruin America?"

Her companion, an equally annoying 20-something man, doing a "thumbs-down" gesture: "Obama SUCKS!"




(Overheard in my driveway)

A Wet Situation

Four year-old boy, from bathroom stall, to his mother in an adjacent stall: "Uh oh. I've got kind of a wet situation here. It's mostly piddle."






(Overheard by Mama D in Brunswick)

Profit & Loss

Fairly cheerful and extremely intoxicated woman, to a group of gallery goers: "My brother has $10,000 in the bank, but he won't give me twenty cents to park my car. I'm gonna put a rock through his windshield and that's gonna cost a lot more than twenty cents!"



(Overheard outside Field Gallery on India Street)

Bad

(Seen in Deering Oaks)

Dead Dogs

Dentist, to hygienist: "God, I hate my dogs. I just can't wait for those dogs to die."





(Overheard at a dentist's office in Scarborough)

Stuffing Machine

(Seen on Exchange Street)

Dog on a Leash

Six year old boy with a dog on a leash (and the end of the leash around his own neck), to his mother, who is about 20 steps ahead of him: "Now I know what it feels like to be a dog on a leash! It HURTS!"





(Overheard by CVC on Wharf Street)

Apples and Bananas

Very thoughtful six year old boy after singing the Apples and Bananas song: "You can say that you know...apples and bananas...just not around European people..."










(overheard on Hale st.)

Ma

Man, casually: "Hey, did you hear ma died?"

Woman, even more casually: "Yeah, that's what I heard."




(Overheard on Congress Street)

Idaho?

Blond women talking to herself and laughing: "Idaho? NO - you da ho!"






(overheard on Park Street)