I Can't Decide Between the Cherry and the Buttscotch

(Seen on Brighton Avenue in Westbrook)

They're Certainly Dressed For It

One very skinny aged man in a long, flowing white robe and head scarf to another (nearly) identical man: "We are now prepared for that day when Jesus appears in the clouds!"





(Overheard by DM at Mesa Verde)

Or Maybe Your Chicken

Keynote speaker at Model U.N., visiting from India: "And remember, the world is your rooster!"




(Overheard by ZWH at USM Gorham)

Lost

Furiously smoking woman, leaning out of her car window: "Excuse me! Excuse me! Is this the way to the hospital and the jail?"





(Overheard by MH on Brighton Avenue)

F**k Love

(Seen on Forest Avenue)

Who Asked You?

(Seen on Deering Avenue)

Vacuum Cleaner

Late 20's Woman #1: "Hey, how was your date to that party?"

Late 20's Woman #2: "I'm here to tell you I might as well have been dancing with a vacuum cleaner."

Woman #1: "Oh! Well, at least he was easy on the eyes."




(Overheard at Coffee By Design)

The People I Kill

Clerk, to large, bug-eyed man with a Mohawk and a portable oxygen tank: "Excuse me sir, are you next?"

Man: "No, I do believe these young ladies are next [gestures to two boys]. I don't cut in lines: the people who cut in lines are the people I kill."



(Overheard by LJ at Cumberland Farms)

It's Undeniable

(Seen at the Nickelodeon)

Dog Years

Woman: "My dog died last week."

Man: "Oh, I am sorry to hear that, it must be hard."

Woman: "Well, he was old."

Man (wistfully): "I wonder when they will ever discover a cure for dog years."

(Overheard by JR in Monument Square)

Asparagus

Belligerent drunk man, angrily: "You have a simple life; you just sit and eat asparagus all day."




(Overheard by AS at Krista's in Cornish)

A Goat and a Wild Horse, To Be Specific

Eighth grade boy: "So, there are two new teachers at school. They both look like forest creatures."




(Overheard on Brighton Avenue)

Wait...What?

Loud woman on cellphone in movie theater: "My mother's big joke was 'you could rob a bank with a booger.'"





(Overheard at the Nickelodeon)

What Next?

30ish woman to man pushing a baby carriage and walking about ten feet in front of her: "I didn't want a tattoo. I got it cause you wanted it! And now you want a big screen TV!"




(Overheard on Congress Street)

Vegan People

Older man, wearing a camouflage hat and speaking loudly to his seatmate in a strong Boston accent: "I love being with vegan people. They think different."






(Overheard on the Concord Trailways bus from Portland to Boston)

Shakira?

Three year old girl in grocery cart, to stranger: "Pants on fire..."

(Overheard by Artemis in Hannaford)

Track and Field

Garrulous, elderly woman, to passing stranger: "Boy I'm exhausted! That last track meet really took a lot out of me."

(Overheard on Free Street)

Planning Ahead

Older cashier to man with 18 month old baby girl in shopping cart: "You'd better get a shot gun to keep the boys away from that one!"

Man to cashier: "Already got one."




(Overheard by KL at Marden's)

Tides

Dad to child: "So, do you know how to tell when the tide's out?"

5ish little girl: "Yup -- when the bottom of the ocean is up!"








(Overheard on Mackworth Island)

Not Really

Man, to companions: "I want to buy a ladder. But I don't want to buy a ladder. You know what I mean?"





(Overheard on Willard Beach, South Portland)

Practice

50ish woman: "Well, I'm not so good at sitting still."

50ish man: "That's why it's called a meditation practice."





(Overheard at the Good Egg)

Second Time's a Charm

Loquacious man, to friends: "Well, the two of us -- we're on our second marriage. And this time, she's like a completely different woman."




(Overheard at the Udder Place)

In the Dressing Room

Woman: "She always wears bras that are a size too big for her. But she likes it that way!"

Other woman: "Soon, I'll probably do what my mother does -- she doesn't even wear a bra anymore!"

Woman: "Who could blame her?"




(Overheard by Margot in the Target dressing room in South Portland)

The Hole

Convenience store worker (shouting across the parking lot): "Did you get it straightened out?"

40-something woman shouting back: "I can't find the hole!"

Convenience store guy: "Have your husband or somebody look at it for you."




(Overheard by MP in Gorham)

The Boring Revolution

Eighth Grader: "Betsy Ross was number 8 out of 17 kids!"

English Teacher From Out of Nowhere: "Well, there wasn't much to do back then...no TV, no fridge."




(Overheard by LMB at King Middle School)

World War One

American History Teacher: "Foxholes were disgusting back then. They were full of rats and feces. I actually got to go in one once."

Student: "Yuck, you went in a foxhole? Were there rats and feces in there?"

American History Teacher: "No! There were no feces in the foxhole!"





(Overheard by Margot at a Portland public high school)

Oh!

(Seen by Crystal on Cottage Road, South Portland)

It's a Small World After All

Words written on a note found on the ground: "My heart stopped too when you texted me. Maybe I'll run into you again. The world ain't that big. So be ready."





(Overheard by LMB on Brighton Avenue)

The Barter System

Girl to friend: "He traded one of his chickens for a dime bag. No! Three dime bags!"





(Overheard by MD on Munjoy Hill)

The Sweatpants Treatment

Woman to Friend: "I expect that kind of treatment when I am wearing sweatpants, but this is a nice sweater" (unzips coat to reveal sweater).






(Overheard by JR in the Old Port)