Sidewalk Philosophy

Intoxicated man, to passers-by: "Know so much but be so young. Look inside yourself and find what you want!"



(Overheard on Middle Street)

All a Man Got

Man, earnestly, to twelve year-old boy sitting beside him: "All a man got in this world is his heart. His heart and his work, that's all a man got in this world."




(Overheard on Free Street)

Men and Dogs

(Seen by DM on Alder Street)

Commandeered

Odious, intoxicated man, to Otto Pizza patrons:  "I commandeered this jacket from Nazis during World War II. Do you know what commandeered means?"



(Overheard on Congress Street in front of Otto)

For Good Behavior?

Woman in a sun hat, talking loudly on her cell phone: "They let you skype in prison?!"



(Overheard by LT at the farmer's market in Longfellow Square)

Clear Meat

(Seen on Congress Street)

Fake Accents

Woman in her late 20s, on her cellphone: "I stopped talking in fake accents for you! (In German accent) Or I could talk like this, how about this, huh baby? I'm going to get you back for this! I caffeinated you and I can bring you down!"

(Overheard by AJL on Fore Street)

Self Defense

Gentleman in mid 50s, to newly homeless gentleman: "They don't consider it self defense when you cut a guy's head off. I was never taught self defense in the military, which you'd think they'd teach you. I was only taught how to kill quietly and efficiently."



(Overheard by AS at the Portland Public Library)

Have a Happy

(Seen in Deering Oaks)

Pronunciation Lesson

Guy, to girl: "El Rayo. It's 'rye-o,' not 'ray-o.' That's like saying 'melk.'"



(Overheard at Whitney Art Works)

Mixed Review

Movie theater lady #1: "I don't know, I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either. I wouldn't give it one star, but I wouldn't give it four. I guess it's a three."

Movie theater lady #2: "Hmmm. I'm mixed. I'm just not sure."

Movie theater lady #1: "Well, that's because you're not a lesbian!"




(Overheard at the Nickelodeon after The Kids Are All Right)

Not a Death March

Father to his daughter: "You need to eat something - this is not a trivial hike. It's not a death march, but it's not trivial."


(Overheard in the parking lot at Camden Hills State Park)

Straight Outta Portland

One bike-riding high school boy to another: "That's Portland. It's like the next Compton."




(Overheard by the quiet one in South Portland)

Dollarionaires

Woman, scratching off her Great Grocery Giveaway ticket: "We're playing for a one-dollar prize."

Man: "We could become one-dollarionaires."




(Overheard by TL at the back cove Hannaford)

Portland Maine Appreciation Club

Enthusiastic young woman, entering Time Lag Records: "This place is sick! I've never been to this town before -- I thought I was just going on a regular family vacation, but this town is crazy!"




(Overheard at Time Lag Records on Congress Street)

Clean After Ur's Dog

(Seen on Congress Street near North Star Cafe)

Tijuana

Congress Street guy, over his shoulder to an invisible person: "Well, at least it's better than Tijuana!"





(Overheard on Middle Street)

Yikes

Guy talking on his cell phone in an extremely loud voice while walking behind me: "Dude, I'm on the hunt right now."




(Overheard in Deering Oaks)

Angry Red Sox Fan

Furious man, pushing bicycle and yelling to himself: "Fucking people with New York Yankees hats. They think they're so fucking gangster."




(Overheard by AJL near Monument Square during Art Walk)

Mr. New England

Guy in his twenties, to friend: "It's all about the girls, you know? All the guys there are meatheads from the midwest. They're not bad guys. It's just that I stand out. I'm Mr. New England -- look at my boat shoes!"




(Overheard on Congress Street during Art Walk)

A Dog and a Half

First woman with small dog on a leash: "What kind of dog is that?"

Second Woman with small dog on a leash: "I don't know, but I figure he's a dog long and half a dog tall."



(Overheard at the farmer's market by ML)

What you think that's costing us?

Young man on bike: "So, what you think that's costing us? Four cops?"

Older man: "Lots, and what did the kid do?"

Young man on bike: "Nothing, really. He's walking down the street with a holstered gun -- which, by the way, is legal in Maine."

Older man: "That all? Four cops with cruisers for that?"

Young man: "I believe so."

Older man: "Hell, in Pasquale nobody would bat an eye."




(Overheard in front of the Hay building in Portland Square)

Book Lovers

Guy #1, perusing a bin of one dollar books: "People don't appreciate books anymore since they got computers, but where did the first computer come from?"

Guy #2: "I dunno."

 

Guy#1: "A book. Yeah, think about it."




(Overheard by JR on Congress Street)

Carpenter, Forester, Golfer or ?

(Seen in Middle Street parking lot)

I Don't Like That Word

Woman in her late 20s, to friend: "That's my new thing. I block pregnant women on Facebook. Please don't send me fetus updates -- I don't like that word."



(Overheard by AS at Downtown Lounge)

If Nothing Else...

Woman on the phone with a kid in each arm: "Well, listen honey. You're kind, you're sweet, you're cute...you're MEXICAN! The whole fuckin' package!"





(Overheard by Anthony at the Old Port Festival)

Kids These Days

Woman to friend: "I love my grand kids, but their status updates are so boring."



(Overheard by JR in a Portland doctor's office waiting room)

When Did the Skies Become So Beautiful?

Man with long gray hair, wearing a karate outfit, to a group of tourists: "MMM, isn't the air today so nice? And my clothes, they're so soft! And and and the leaves are luscious. And that man's dinner jacket fits so well [he gestures to a tourist in a dinner jacket]! Mmm, and my clothes, mmm, my clothes are so soft. AND MMMM [slowly becoming more and more agitated and manic] MY CLOTHES ARE SO SOFT. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? WHEN DID THE SKIES BECOME SO BEAUTIFUL? MMMMM EVERYTHING IS SO NICE!"



(Overheard by LJ in Longfellow Square)

A Very Special Congress Street Moment

First guy on stoop: "Suck it, barbershop motherfucker."

Second guy on stoop: "Yeah, motherfucker."

Woman on stoop: (Vomits copiously all over the sidewalk).




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Excuses

Female employee: "I don't like to drink. It gives people an excuse to be stupid."

Male employee: "I like excuses."




(Overheard by MP at the South Portland Goodwill)