Bedbugs?

Eccentric woman, sighing and plucking at her orange sweatshirt: "Oh, look at me. I look terrible, I look like I just rolled out of bed. You ever have days like that?"

Barista: "Yeah."

Eccentric woman: "It's just hard when you have to boil all your clothes."

(Overheard by Margot at Starbucks on Congress Street)

Deering Oaks/Carnegie Hall

Man on cell phone: "It's a Liza Minnelli at Carnegie Hall crowd!"



(Overheard by N F-S at the Lady Gaga rally to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell)

What Do You Think He Looks Like?

Person One: "What does he look like?"

Person Two: "He's gay."




(Overheard by Kit Marlowe at the Lady Gaga rally to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell)

And Why Does Mommy Refer to Herself in the Third Person?

Woman pushing a shopping cart, to her toddler child: "Why does Mommy always get afraid to ask? She knows she should, but she's always too afraid."


(Overheard at Target in South Portland)

Brought to You by Meat

Movie patron, in a loud announcer's voice, responding to a commercial preceding Scott Pilgrim vs The World: "Science! Brought to you by meat!"



(Overheard at the Nickelodeon)

Gallows Humor

Obese lady in an electric wheelchair, laughing dismissively:  "Does it look like I could die of congestive heart failure?"

(Overheard by Dylan M. at the Rite Aid on Congress Street)

Be Brave

(Seen on Congress Street near Eli Phant)

Highway to the Danger Zone

College-age guy on plane, holding two pairs of aviator-style sunglasses, to seatmate: "Hey, will you put these on and sing the Top Gun theme song as we take off? You know, 'Danger Zone'?"

Seatmate: "Uh. No, I don't think so."

College guy (sadly): "Wow, somebody around here's gotta do it with me."




(Overheard by MH on a Portland-to-Detroit flight)

No Nitrous Required

Little boy on his way into the dentist's office: "I'm already calm."


(Overheard by ZWH at Just For Kids Pediatric Dentistry in Scarborough)

It Will Be Awkward

(Seen in the restroom at Bard on Middle Street )

No, Lady Gaga Calls the Shots

Harried mother, dragging her crying child by his forearm: "You do not call the shots -- there's a lot of people here!"



(Overheard in Deering Oaks at the Lady Gaga rally to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell)

We Have Our Whole Lives Ahead of Us

Hungry Friend 1: (to two people walking past with plates of pizza): "I'm so jealous of your slices!"

Hungry Friend 2: "No, you're not jealous. That pizza is old. We have our whole lives ahead of us."


(Overheard by Kate in front of Otto Pizza on Congress Street)

Having Zipper Troubles?

(Seen on Congress Street in the window of Antoine's)

No Way!

Man with long gray hair and a matching beard, stopping abruptly at the shampoo aisle, in a very loud voice: "Oh no, I'm not going down that aisle -- it smells!"



(Overheard at the back cove Hannaford)

Walking

One fiftyish guy to another: "You know what I hate about walking? The tripping and falling!"



(Overheard by JR in front of the Nickelodeon)

Almost 110 Percent, But Not Quite

Young man on cell phone: "Dude, I just want you to know that I'm behind you 101 percent.  101 percent."




(Overheard by CM on Gray Street)

The State of Maine

Middle-aged woman, scowling at broken hand drier, which has an "out of order" sign on it:  "You'd think it would behoove the state of Maine to fix that thing!"



(Overheard in the women's restroom at Wolf Neck State Park in Freeport)

As the Old People Say

Man standing in line at the bank, to his friend: "As the old people say, I've got too much month at the end of my money!"


(Overheard by DM at Five County Credit Union)

A Bad Idea

Young woman on her front porch speaking loudly into her cell phone: "Man, I told you that methadone was a baaaaad idea!"



 (Overheard by CM on Tate Street)

What, this old thing?

Fancy woman, to friend: "Oh this? (gestures to necklace) Pavé diamonds. Fortieth anniversary. Trust me, I deserved it."



(Overheard in Freeport at the Ralph Lauren outlet store)

We Need to Pee

(Seen by LT outside the Portland Public Library)

Who Controls the Past

(Seen on Portland Street)

Sidewalk Philosophy

Intoxicated man, to passers-by: "Know so much but be so young. Look inside yourself and find what you want!"



(Overheard on Middle Street)

All a Man Got

Man, earnestly, to twelve year-old boy sitting beside him: "All a man got in this world is his heart. His heart and his work, that's all a man got in this world."




(Overheard on Free Street)

Men and Dogs

(Seen by DM on Alder Street)

Commandeered

Odious, intoxicated man, to Otto Pizza patrons:  "I commandeered this jacket from Nazis during World War II. Do you know what commandeered means?"



(Overheard on Congress Street in front of Otto)

For Good Behavior?

Woman in a sun hat, talking loudly on her cell phone: "They let you skype in prison?!"



(Overheard by LT at the farmer's market in Longfellow Square)

Clear Meat

(Seen on Congress Street)

Fake Accents

Woman in her late 20s, on her cellphone: "I stopped talking in fake accents for you! (In German accent) Or I could talk like this, how about this, huh baby? I'm going to get you back for this! I caffeinated you and I can bring you down!"

(Overheard by AJL on Fore Street)

Self Defense

Gentleman in mid 50s, to newly homeless gentleman: "They don't consider it self defense when you cut a guy's head off. I was never taught self defense in the military, which you'd think they'd teach you. I was only taught how to kill quietly and efficiently."



(Overheard by AS at the Portland Public Library)