Catchy

First Guy: "They were great! They had this song, it was so good, it went "Murder. Death. Kill. Rape."

Second Guy: "Nice. Catchy!"

(Overheard by DM in Monument Square)

I.Q. Test

Nine year-old boy #1, watching leaves fall: "It's snowing!"

Nine year-old boy #2: "It's not snowing, Will. Will, do you need to be tested again?"

(Overheard near Nathan Clifford Elementary School)

Think Before You Vote

One Marden's customer to another: "I love Mahden's. But do ya really want Maine to look like Mahden's?"

(Overheard by KB at Marden's)

Which is Really What Halloween is All About

Little boy, admiring creepy Halloween decorations: “I think the girls’ll be freaked out.”





(Overheard by ES at the Falmouth Walmart)

Yo!

Man on cell phone: "Yo! It's me! Yo, it's me, brother, your Negro friend!"




(Overheard on Congress Street near Green Hand Books)

The Age of Consent

Guy: "I love this place! There were a bunch of really hot girls sitting around the statue earlier."

Girl: "They were probably girls from Portland High School."

Guy: "Oh. (Pause) But if they're seniors, that means that some of them might be 18, right?"




(Overheard by ED in Monument Square)

Philosophy

Man, stopping at the Philosophy department's table: "Philosophy! Is that even a real subject?"




(Overheard by JR at the USM open house)

This Fancy Bread Thing

Normal-looking man in line at Hannaford, holding two bags of English muffins, speaking to no one: "I don't know about no bread. See, I play sports - that's what I do, so I don't know about no bread. I'm from New York City, we don't do this, this fancy bread thing. See, this here's the country, in Maine, and that's the city. Yankees win tomorrow, I'll go on back home."




(Overheard at the Back Cove Hannaford)

Purves, etc.

(Seen by MT in the woods near the Maine/New Hampshire border)

It Doesn't Matter

Woman, to bookstore clerk: "Do you have any children's language books? I want to teach someone to speak American. She's from Iraq (pronounced eye-rack)."

Clerk: "Is she an adult?"

Customer: "No, but it doesn't matter."

(Overheard by JF at Borders in South Portland)

Be Safe, Kids

(Seen in Deering Oaks)

Not Tripping...

Woman, to fellow "healing practices" students: "Now I want to say: I didn't take LSD."

The group: "Okay, sure..."

Woman: "I had a journey where I was farted out of a crazy person and breathed in by star people. Then I popped out as an egg."




(Overheard at a restaurant on Congress Street)

...Or Not

College-aged girl to a group of friends: "I 'heart' anal. I should have that printed on my mailbox!"



(Overheard by DC in the Old Port)

Free

(Seen on State Street)

Bad Ass Snickers

Congress Street guy, abruptly crossing the street with a tiny dog on a leash, causing a pickup truck to screech to a halt: "They see Snickers coming, they fucking stop."




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

So True

Disheveled woman, sitting sprawled with her belongings in a driveway, hollering across the street: "You're gonna deteriorate, motherfucker!"

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Moving to Maine

Man on cellphone: "First of all, you're going to need a shovel. For shoveling snow. Yeah. And even more, you'll need an ice scraper. An ice scraper. To scrape the ice off your car. No, see, when the rain falls? It freezes on your car, and you got to scrape it off."

(Overheard in the parking lot at the Back Cove Hannaford)

Mediocre Deli

(Seen on Route 25 in Standish)

Would You Ever Drink From a Mug With a Picture of a Toilet On It?

(Seen at the Forest Avenue Goodwill)

Big Halloween Plans

Woman, to little boy: "I don't know, maybe Daddy could be Shaggy. Although...I think Daddy would prefer to be Fred."



(Overheard at the Goodwill on Forest Avenue)

Autumn Leaves Drift Down

(Seen at the Greyhound station on Congress Street)

Bedbugs?

Eccentric woman, sighing and plucking at her orange sweatshirt: "Oh, look at me. I look terrible, I look like I just rolled out of bed. You ever have days like that?"

Barista: "Yeah."

Eccentric woman: "It's just hard when you have to boil all your clothes."

(Overheard by Margot at Starbucks on Congress Street)

Deering Oaks/Carnegie Hall

Man on cell phone: "It's a Liza Minnelli at Carnegie Hall crowd!"



(Overheard by N F-S at the Lady Gaga rally to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell)

What Do You Think He Looks Like?

Person One: "What does he look like?"

Person Two: "He's gay."




(Overheard by Kit Marlowe at the Lady Gaga rally to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell)

And Why Does Mommy Refer to Herself in the Third Person?

Woman pushing a shopping cart, to her toddler child: "Why does Mommy always get afraid to ask? She knows she should, but she's always too afraid."


(Overheard at Target in South Portland)

Brought to You by Meat

Movie patron, in a loud announcer's voice, responding to a commercial preceding Scott Pilgrim vs The World: "Science! Brought to you by meat!"



(Overheard at the Nickelodeon)

Gallows Humor

Obese lady in an electric wheelchair, laughing dismissively:  "Does it look like I could die of congestive heart failure?"

(Overheard by Dylan M. at the Rite Aid on Congress Street)

Be Brave

(Seen on Congress Street near Eli Phant)

Highway to the Danger Zone

College-age guy on plane, holding two pairs of aviator-style sunglasses, to seatmate: "Hey, will you put these on and sing the Top Gun theme song as we take off? You know, 'Danger Zone'?"

Seatmate: "Uh. No, I don't think so."

College guy (sadly): "Wow, somebody around here's gotta do it with me."




(Overheard by MH on a Portland-to-Detroit flight)

No Nitrous Required

Little boy on his way into the dentist's office: "I'm already calm."


(Overheard by ZWH at Just For Kids Pediatric Dentistry in Scarborough)