Give That Man a Dollar

Panhandler's homemade cardboard sign: "What the Fuck?? It's Just a Buck!"





(Seen by MP outside the Hay Building)

Multitasking

Seven year-old boy: "I can walk the walk and talk the talk. But not at the same time."






(Overheard by LBE at Jet Video)

Medical Advice

Woman on cellphone: "I am pretty sure that you can drain the pus and talk on the phone at the same time."





(Overheard by JR on Chadwick Street)

Mustache Party

First guy: "Don't I know you? Were you at that mustache party the other night?"

Second guy: "Uh, yeah! Maybe!"

First guy: "The one at Matty's, right?"

Second guy: "Oh, no. I wasn't at that one."






(Overheard by MR at Otto)

Time Travel

Kid Number One, to Kid Number Two, playing inside a steampunk "time machine": "It's my turn. You've been in there for years."




(Overheard by JR at  the Victoria's Wonderama  show at Victoria Mansion)

Don't.

Young woman, smoking and yelling into cell phone: "Shit fucking Christ! Don't masturbate on a photo of me, then take a picture of it, and then text the picture to me!"





(Overheard by MH on Portland Street)

Street Poetry

Heavy Metal Rick,* to passerby: "You could die and be reborn with a bag of Santa Claus money and still not make it."





(Overheard by DM on Pine Street)

*the guy who plays an electric guitar while riding his bike.

Like a Dog

Woman on cell phone: "I know, I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I had to shake my head like a dog shakes its ears."





(Overheard at Target in South Portland)

We Love Your Money

Man with Connecticut plates feeding a meter: "Jesus, everywhere I go in this state I have to pay."

Passing Portlander: "IT'S CAUSE WE LOVE YOUR MONEY!"






(Overheard by SL on Commercial Street)

Go, team

Apparently homeless man, to Japanese pedestrian: "GO KOREA!"





(Overheard by SP on Congress Street)

Plans

Dude with a Maine accent and a baseball cap: "Hell yeah, I'm going to a fucking hotel to get drunk."




(Overheard by DM on Portland Street)

Wait, What Day Is It?

20-something woman to 20-something man: "I think it's, like, National Go Grocery Shopping Day."





(Overheard at the Back Cove Hannaford)

Spilled Beer

Guy on cell phone: "Well, you know I only cry over spilled beer."





(Overheard by Anonymous at the South Portland Target)

Uh Oh

Sports fan, to a friend: "If the Patriots lose, I'm going to burn a car. Then I'm going to stab the first Giants fan I see. You're safe, because I know you. But the next one I see is getting stabbed."





(Overheard by PM at the Front Room)

A Future

One 20-something woman: "I know you never thought I had a future with him."

Second 20-something woman: "He has a face tattoo."

First woman: "So?"

Second woman: "So, having a face tattoo is just like saying: 'Eff you, society. I never want a job with benefits.'"





(Overheard by MAJ in Monument Square)

Childhood Dreams

Coffee-drinking man #1: "It's not like I ever told my mom that I wanted to work at B&M my whole life."

Coffee-drinking man #2: "No little boy dreams of pig guts."




(Overheard by JR in front of Cumberland Farms)

Check-a-Date

One 20-something woman to another: "I used Check-a-Date, where you can get a background check on your date. Well...I was single for five years."





(Overheard by RJC at a Portland Pirates game)

Wouldn't Miss It

Young man: "Join us for the first official meeting of Maine's only facial hair club."





(Overheard by LKW outside Hannaford)

The Talk

Woman talking to friend: "It is going to be our first road trip together so we had to have the talk."

Friend: "What talk?"

Woman: "You know, deciding which podcasts we will listen to."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

Outside

Woman to friend: "Well, I don't smoke. So I never go outside."





(Overheard by GB at Planet Fitness)

Then Why are You Eating at Anthony's?

Truly obnoxious kid: "Our parents are rich. That's why we have all this money."






(Overheard by ARA in Anthony's Italian Kitchen)

Lady, You Could Not Be More Wrong

Woman on cellphone: "No one wants two books for their birthday. No one."





(Overheard by JR on Congress Street)

Home For the Holidays

20-something girl: "Hey, I live in South Portland and I am trying to get home for Christmas--you got two bucks?"





(Overheard by KC in Monument Square on Christmas Eve)

Pathetic is the New Cool

Hipster discussing his favorite hip hop performer with a friend: "What I like about him is that he is so pathetic that he doesn't even try to be more than pathetic."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

Mall Security

Man sweeping the floor, to woman sitting on a bench: "You know what they call that? Mall security."





(Overheard at the Maine Mall)

Seven Years

Guy to friend: "Hey, what's up with your brother? What'd he get?"

Friend: "Seven years."

(Raucous laughter from group of friends.)






(Overheard by JL in Monument Square)

Dinner

Woman to friend: "Let's just get baby carrots and brainstorm!"





(Overheard by JR at the Back Cove Hannaford)

Judged

Very loud woman on cell phone: "What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Huh? What the fuck? No, I told you, I'm judged because I'm fat. I'm called a slut. I don't have any teeth, people tell me go get new teeth. ‎I'm not fucking anyone but you, I swear. Look, I gotta go. (Pause, then to friend): "Let's go smoke a blunt."




(Overheard by PL in the main branch of the Portland Public Library)

Aphorism

Landscaper to coworkers: "Thinking is like money: I never have either, but neither do me any good." 





(Overheard by JR on Chadwick Street)

Too Much Bath Salts

Concerned yuppie-type woman, to Shaky Bob (a.k.a. Shaky Pete/Bobby Roberts), who was lying on the sidewalk: "Are you okay? Can we call someone for you? Did you take too much bath salts?"





(Overheard by EB at the corner of Spring Street and High Street)