Kind of fun

Young man, to friend: I went to the pep rally and it was no fun. Until that girl broke her leg, and then it was kind of fun."




(Overheard on Brighton Avenue)

All Soft and Fluffy

Woman to man: "When I was a kid they used to call me biscuit butt cause, you know...how biscuits rise up all soft and fluffy."




(Overheard by JS at Burger King)

I Hate When That Happens.

Young man to young woman: "You know what I hate about Facebook? I hate when someone posts a picture of me on their wall and it's my mug shot."




(Overheard by KC on Elm Street near the Metro Pulse)

Bad Chi?

Guy number one to guy number two: "I was in a really bad mood when I was making chai."




(Overheard by SD at Local Sprouts)

Farmer's Market Philosophy

Woman (buying two pumpkins, a peck of apples, and cider) : "I just love fall!"

Man behind counter: "Fall is all right, I just don't like what comes next."

Woman: "You could say the same about living, and I try to enjoy that."




(Overheard by JR at the Westbrook Farmer's Market)

Backstory

Young Segway tour guide, to older tourist lady, also on a Segway: "...so I moved to Portland a year ago to get sober, and I've lived here ever since!"

Lady: "Oh, that's so nice!"




(Overheard on the Eastern Prom Trail)

Another Street Poet

Male voice, 10:00 am, to the tune of 40 ounce beer bottles being opened: "Death, I think, is the only real destination we got. Oh, it sucks."




(Overheard by MS on Avon Street)

Why Yes, They Do.

Southern lady straight off a cruise ship: "Excuse me, sir. Do all of these people work at the same place? They're all using the same laptop."





(Overheard by AS at Crema Coffee and Bakery)

That Communism Shit

Metro bus passenger, looking out at the OccupyMaine event in Monument Square: "Shit, it's those Communists--all that Occupy shit. Obama started that Communism shit when he was in Chicago." (short pause)  "I'm even sober now, too."





(Overheard by KC on the Metro #1 bus)

And Yet, There's No Synonym for "Thesaurus"

Man, arguing with woman: "There's more ways to say 'Fuck you' besides 'Fuck you!'"





(Overhead by JW in Monument Square)

Everyone Knows That.

First barista, to second barista: "Businessmen love Black Sabbath."

(Overheard at Speckled Ax)

Demon Bus

Loud street preacher, to passers-by: "Do you think he was driven by demons?"





(Overheard by DG outside King of the Roll)

A Dinosaur on the Bus

Tiny boy, to his mom: "I'm a tall tall dinosaur, mom. Mom? Dinosaurs eat your face."





(Overheard on the Concord Trailways bus from South Station to Portland)

The Trouble With Painting

One woman to another: "I really do like painting, but sometimes it's just too wet."






(Overheard by MH in front of the Portland Museum of Art)

24/7

Frustrated young man, to friend: "Yeah man, Maine has been nothing but bad luck for me. I'm going back home to Vegas. At least there I can score drugs 24/7 once my check comes in."





(Overheard by BS at Hannaford)

Psychotic Multi-tasking

Man (talking loudly to self while pretending to push buttons on a small notepad): "I AM FUCKIN' TEXTING!"






(Overheard by JR on Congress Street)

A Foolish Purchase

Woman on cellphone, to man: "She says it's seventy-five dollars."

Man: "How much?"

Woman: "Seventy-five. She don't know the value of a dollar."

Man: "Well, how old is it?"

Woman: "She says it's two years old."

Man: "What?!" Seventy-five dollars for a two-year old cat? I thought it was a kitten!" (Grabs cell phone.) "It's two years old? You're stupid. You're stupid. I don't even want to look at it. Go ahead, do whatever you want." (Hangs up.)

Woman: "I told you, she don't know the value of a dollar."





(Overheard at the Back Cove Hannaford)


*The first reader to correctly guess what was in their shopping cart gets a special gift!

It's Sad to See a Catch Phrase Die

Man to friends, well to anyone, repeatedly: "I am single, bilingual, and ready to mingle."






(Overhead by JR at Local 188)

Child Rearing 101

Woman #1 with barefoot toddler and stroller: "I need to change this one's diaper. It stinks!"

Woman #2 with barefoot toddler and stroller: "Do you have any cream for her butt?"

Woman #1: "Yeah, she has a bit of a rash. They gave me something for jock itch and said that should work just fine."

Woman #2: "Cool."




(Overheard by KC on the #1 Metro bus)

Done.

Man, getting into running car, to woman: "The car's been on this whole time?"

Woman, to man: "Yeah. Fuck the environment."







(Overheard by IWH in the Target parking lot in Augusta)

LGBT...C?

Woman, very seriously, to another woman:  "Oh I totally understand, I have a transgender cat."





(Overheard by MI on the patio at David's Restaurant)

Respect

Man's voice: "I beat people up for you and this is how you treat me?!"





(Overheard by @burnsy06 on Congress Street)

First Love

Smoking guy to smoking girl: "You know what, though? I'll never get over the mother of my child."





(Overheard on Preble Street)

Sounds Interesting

One middle-aged female tourist to another: "...he was down there a long time, and I couldn't see what he was doing!"





(Overheard by DM in Monument Square)

Young Adult

Young man on bike: "Stop being such a fucking teenager."

Young woman on bike: "You're a teenager too."

Young man on bike: "Nuh uh, I'm a fucking young adult."





(Overheard on Middle Street)

For the First Time

Clerk: "Oh, you've got a birthday coming up!"

Customer: "Yeah, I'm gonna be 30 for the first time, man."





(Overheard by EB at Beverage Barn in Rockland)

You Know How They Are

Middle-aged woman on cell phone: "...and the dogs are gonna be pissed, 'cause I told them I would only be working til noon, and you know how vindictive they can be."





(Overheard by AJL on Middle Street)

Stupid Americans

Swankily-dressed, agitated young Russian woman on the largest cell phone seen since the '70s, who had just apparently been asked to keep her voice down: "Не волнуйтесь. Люди здесь являются слишком глупый понять, что я говорю." (Translation: "Don't worry. People here are too stupid to understand what I'm saying.")




(Overheard by TN at the Scarborough Walmart)

Wish List

Female MECA student, to friends: "I've had a Storm Trooper costume in my Amazon.com shopping cart for, like, months. It's 70 dollars. But I really want one."

Friends: (complete silence.)




(Overheard by JF outside Casablanca Comics on Free Comic Book Day)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Woman on cell phone: "If you respected your wife you wouldn't have another woman's panties under your bed!"




(Overheard by TC on Spring Street)