The Barter System

Girl to friend: "He traded one of his chickens for a dime bag. No! Three dime bags!"





(Overheard by MD on Munjoy Hill)

The Sweatpants Treatment

Woman to Friend: "I expect that kind of treatment when I am wearing sweatpants, but this is a nice sweater" (unzips coat to reveal sweater).






(Overheard by JR in the Old Port)

Today's Art History Lesson

Guy on cellphone: "I am at the Art Walk. ART WALK... you walk around and look at art in galleries and stuff. It is art, so I figure there have to be some pictures of naked chicks somewhere."

(Overheard by JR on Congress Street)

Princess

Princess: "If you come by my house tryin' to start a fight you best call 911! You ain't gonna f*** with Princess!"







(Overheard on a Portland street by JE)

Crazy Aunt Karen

Customer, to friend, looking at an insane shirt with sequins and squiggles: "It reminds me of Aunt Karen!"

(Overheard at Forever Twenty-One by Artemis)

Crow on the Street

(Seen at the corner of Temple and Middle Street)

Dinosaur Cloning 101

Student #1: "My professor looks just like the professor from Jurassic Park, same glasses and everything. He even talks like him."

Student #2: "That must be such a cool class!"






(Overheard by JR at USM)

Difficult Questions

Eight year-old, to parents: "So, what is sex?"

Dad: "Uh...well..."

Eight year-old: "And also, what are cargo pants?"






(Overheard by MR in Yarmouth)

What A Catch

Blond martini-sipping woman: "Wow, the chef used to be hot...but isn't he hotter now that his wife is pregnant?"

Brunette martini-sipping woman: "I think it's the beard. But yes, hot then, hot now. I need another martini. Was that last one strong?! He's hot and he sells a strong martini. What a catch!"




(Overheard by Delilah at Evangeline)

Personal Space

Teacher, to students: "I hear that in Europe, they stand so close to people -- they stand like this!" (Demonstrates.) "We are not in Europe, people. And we just had a terrorist attack a couple of weeks ago. So give people their personal space."





(Overheard by Margot at a Portland High School)

Rollback

Thirty-something woman: "I'm getting a coffin from Walmart. Rollback prices what!"






(Overheard by MB at a potluck in the West End)

Bad Trip

Late 50ish patron to barista: "You're making that decaf, right? I mean, caffeine would be like a bad trip. And I've never had a bad trip!"





(Overheard at Coffee By Design)

Snow in May

Man to friend: "You think this is snow? Wait til April or May! Now that's snow!"






(Overheard on Spring Street)

Giggles

Red Cross babysitting instructor: "...to avoid getting burns on the genitals."

Babysitting student: "Teacher, what's genitals?"

Instructor, awkwardly: "Well, they're, uh, your sexually private areas."

(Babysitting students giggle hysterically.)




(Overheard by JA at a Red Cross babysitting class)

Cold Heart

Shopper: "It's cold out there!"

Cashier: "Yeah...it's still about 55 degrees warmer than my wife's heart...also 55 degrees warmer than my body if she ever hears that shit..."



(Overheard by MB at Shaw's on outer Congress Street)

Love

One guy to another: "Oh yeah, he still loves her! (pause) But he's gettin' sick of it."





(Overheard by John R. on Temple Street)

Excitement

Man on cell phone: "Snow, blue moon, lunar eclipse, beginning of a new year -- how much excitement can ya handle? 'Cause we got it all going on! Yeah today!"





(Overheard on Park Street)

Forever Roman Numerals

Shopper, to store clerk: "Excuse me, can you tell me where Forever Twenty-One is?"

Clerk: "Uhh...this is Forever Twenty-One."

Shopper: "Oh! I thought it was Ex-Ex-Eye!"

(Overheard by AA at Forever Twenty-One in South Portland)

Who Needs Meters?

Teenage girl looking at parking lot sign: "Monthly parking? Who parks for a month?"

(Overheard in downtown Portland)

Hate or Need?

Young woman: "I hate this store."

Friend: "I thought you liked coming here."

Young woman: "I do, but I still hate this store. I need everything!"





(Overheard at Michael's in South Portland)

Jedi Mind Tricks

Grizzly street person, speaking in a whiskey monotone: "Fucking Jedi mind tricks. Cut out that eyeball shit. Go away."





(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Easier then Training Someone New

Business owner: "You busy?"

Contractor: "Yeah, I'm so busy, I hired back a guy that stole from me. It was easier then training someone new!"





(Overheard at Haggarty's)

Thank you would be nice

Women to friend: "You'd think if they're going to ransack your car and take all your change the least they could do is leave a post it note -- 'thanks for the spare change.' Now I have no parking meter change."





(Overheard on Middle Street)

2-Ply

Man to woman: "What do you think you are doing? We need this -- I have a two-ply butt."

Woman to man: "Oh, sensitive New Age guy?"






(Overheard at the Forest Avenue Hannaford)

Sexiest Man

Man to woman: "Do you want People? It's got the sexiest man!"

Male cashier, indignantly, and with a strong Maine accent: "Sexiest man, hrrmph, well they didn't ask my opinion."




(Overheard by JR at the Portland Jetport)

Role Model

Fully grown, adult man on cellphone: "Holy fuck, he was so cool. I really want to be cool like that."




(Overheard at Hannaford)

The Dog

Fancy guy, to friend: "Yeah, she's gone, but I got the dog!"





(Overheard by Margot somewhere south of Portland)

Careful Where You Step

Girl to her friend: "Careful where you step. Those yellow berries smell like dog poop!"






(Overheard on Spring Street, passing Ginkgo Trees)

Discussing Gay Marriage With a Ten Year Old

Ten year-old: "Do we even know any gay people?"

Mom: "Well, what about Nellie's dads?"

Ten year-old, incredulous: "Nellie's dads are gay?!"




(Overheard by Emily in Topsham)

Virtually Overheard

Short dude with hippy-like hair: "I just want you to know, I did NOT cut you off, I was there BEFORE that dude..."




(Overheard, sort of, on Craigslist.)