What Next?

30ish woman to man pushing a baby carriage and walking about ten feet in front of her: "I didn't want a tattoo. I got it cause you wanted it! And now you want a big screen TV!"




(Overheard on Congress Street)

Vegan People

Older man, wearing a camouflage hat and speaking loudly to his seatmate in a strong Boston accent: "I love being with vegan people. They think different."






(Overheard on the Concord Trailways bus from Portland to Boston)

Shakira?

Three year old girl in grocery cart, to stranger: "Pants on fire..."

(Overheard by Artemis in Hannaford)

Track and Field

Garrulous, elderly woman, to passing stranger: "Boy I'm exhausted! That last track meet really took a lot out of me."

(Overheard on Free Street)

Planning Ahead

Older cashier to man with 18 month old baby girl in shopping cart: "You'd better get a shot gun to keep the boys away from that one!"

Man to cashier: "Already got one."




(Overheard by KL at Marden's)

Tides

Dad to child: "So, do you know how to tell when the tide's out?"

5ish little girl: "Yup -- when the bottom of the ocean is up!"








(Overheard on Mackworth Island)

Not Really

Man, to companions: "I want to buy a ladder. But I don't want to buy a ladder. You know what I mean?"





(Overheard on Willard Beach, South Portland)

Practice

50ish woman: "Well, I'm not so good at sitting still."

50ish man: "That's why it's called a meditation practice."





(Overheard at the Good Egg)

Second Time's a Charm

Loquacious man, to friends: "Well, the two of us -- we're on our second marriage. And this time, she's like a completely different woman."




(Overheard at the Udder Place)

In the Dressing Room

Woman: "She always wears bras that are a size too big for her. But she likes it that way!"

Other woman: "Soon, I'll probably do what my mother does -- she doesn't even wear a bra anymore!"

Woman: "Who could blame her?"




(Overheard by Margot in the Target dressing room in South Portland)

The Hole

Convenience store worker (shouting across the parking lot): "Did you get it straightened out?"

40-something woman shouting back: "I can't find the hole!"

Convenience store guy: "Have your husband or somebody look at it for you."




(Overheard by MP in Gorham)

The Boring Revolution

Eighth Grader: "Betsy Ross was number 8 out of 17 kids!"

English Teacher From Out of Nowhere: "Well, there wasn't much to do back then...no TV, no fridge."




(Overheard by LMB at King Middle School)

World War One

American History Teacher: "Foxholes were disgusting back then. They were full of rats and feces. I actually got to go in one once."

Student: "Yuck, you went in a foxhole? Were there rats and feces in there?"

American History Teacher: "No! There were no feces in the foxhole!"





(Overheard by Margot at a Portland public high school)

Oh!

(Seen by Crystal on Cottage Road, South Portland)

It's a Small World After All

Words written on a note found on the ground: "My heart stopped too when you texted me. Maybe I'll run into you again. The world ain't that big. So be ready."





(Overheard by LMB on Brighton Avenue)

The Barter System

Girl to friend: "He traded one of his chickens for a dime bag. No! Three dime bags!"





(Overheard by MD on Munjoy Hill)

The Sweatpants Treatment

Woman to Friend: "I expect that kind of treatment when I am wearing sweatpants, but this is a nice sweater" (unzips coat to reveal sweater).






(Overheard by JR in the Old Port)

Today's Art History Lesson

Guy on cellphone: "I am at the Art Walk. ART WALK... you walk around and look at art in galleries and stuff. It is art, so I figure there have to be some pictures of naked chicks somewhere."

(Overheard by JR on Congress Street)

Princess

Princess: "If you come by my house tryin' to start a fight you best call 911! You ain't gonna f*** with Princess!"







(Overheard on a Portland street by JE)

Crazy Aunt Karen

Customer, to friend, looking at an insane shirt with sequins and squiggles: "It reminds me of Aunt Karen!"

(Overheard at Forever Twenty-One by Artemis)

Crow on the Street

(Seen at the corner of Temple and Middle Street)

Dinosaur Cloning 101

Student #1: "My professor looks just like the professor from Jurassic Park, same glasses and everything. He even talks like him."

Student #2: "That must be such a cool class!"






(Overheard by JR at USM)

Difficult Questions

Eight year-old, to parents: "So, what is sex?"

Dad: "Uh...well..."

Eight year-old: "And also, what are cargo pants?"






(Overheard by MR in Yarmouth)

What A Catch

Blond martini-sipping woman: "Wow, the chef used to be hot...but isn't he hotter now that his wife is pregnant?"

Brunette martini-sipping woman: "I think it's the beard. But yes, hot then, hot now. I need another martini. Was that last one strong?! He's hot and he sells a strong martini. What a catch!"




(Overheard by Delilah at Evangeline)

Personal Space

Teacher, to students: "I hear that in Europe, they stand so close to people -- they stand like this!" (Demonstrates.) "We are not in Europe, people. And we just had a terrorist attack a couple of weeks ago. So give people their personal space."





(Overheard by Margot at a Portland High School)

Rollback

Thirty-something woman: "I'm getting a coffin from Walmart. Rollback prices what!"






(Overheard by MB at a potluck in the West End)

Bad Trip

Late 50ish patron to barista: "You're making that decaf, right? I mean, caffeine would be like a bad trip. And I've never had a bad trip!"





(Overheard at Coffee By Design)

Snow in May

Man to friend: "You think this is snow? Wait til April or May! Now that's snow!"






(Overheard on Spring Street)

Giggles

Red Cross babysitting instructor: "...to avoid getting burns on the genitals."

Babysitting student: "Teacher, what's genitals?"

Instructor, awkwardly: "Well, they're, uh, your sexually private areas."

(Babysitting students giggle hysterically.)




(Overheard by JA at a Red Cross babysitting class)

Cold Heart

Shopper: "It's cold out there!"

Cashier: "Yeah...it's still about 55 degrees warmer than my wife's heart...also 55 degrees warmer than my body if she ever hears that shit..."



(Overheard by MB at Shaw's on outer Congress Street)