Old Lady: Did you see Serena Williams play last night?
Old Lady 2: She has the biggest rear end I've ever SEEN!

Courtesy of Comrade Rafa

Taken

Loud woman, on cell phone: Yeah, I got my masters' in educating the hearing impaired, but I've been in insurance since '79. I guess I'm kind of dating myself.

Teacher: I've taught on four continents, and you guys are the WORST class I've EVER HAD!
Student: Which continents?
Teacher: Africa, North America, and Japan. Well, three. But I've been in a couple earthquakes!

what do you want to call them?

at the latest ENK children's clothing trade show i went to, i overheard an elderly well-to-do woman who must have been a buyer, while standing over a sparkly t-shirt vendor lady inquire aggresively : "WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CALL THEM, FAT KIDS?!"

The Facilities

Woman with huge glasses, a stocking cap, and lots 'o make-up: Are you a customer, or do you work here?

Store Owner: Yeah, i work here.

Woman: The facilities. You know, the facilities. Just wondering. I don't want to see your facilities for the purpose of using them. I just want a place to go through my wallet, you understand.



(Overheard at Casco Bay Books)

Vampires?

Little boy: ...and then the teacher said, "That's not acceptable," and took his paper away from him, just because he was signing his name in blood.

Teen boy: What the hell is NPR?
Teen girl: National public radio.
Teen boy: National? Why does that not make sense?
Teen girl: It's national.
Teen boy: Then how can it be public?
Teen girl: It's a PUBLIC radio station that brodcasts NATIONALLY.
Teen boy: I don't get it.

I'm Just Sayin'

Man, examining soup can, to imaginary companion: Yes, but this one has 220 mg of sodium per serving!

Man, after appearing to listen to imaginary companion's response: Well, I'm just sayin'!



(Overheard at Hannaford)

You can't kill the rooster.

Man on cell phone: Hi Dave, this is 'The Hammer'...

Overheard outside Casco Bay Books

Maybe Our Relationship's Not THAT Interesting

Woman, to friends: Our relationship could be a book.

Woman, reconsidering: Or an article. In a relationship magazine.


(Overheard at the Udder Place)

French teacher: Voila, les devoirs.
Teen girl: Day-vwah? Ohmagod, that's so cool! Day-VWAH!
French teacher writes the homework on the board, titled, "devoirs."
Teen girl: What's dee-vores?
French teacher: Devoirs!
Teen girl: OHMAGOD! THAT'S day-vwah?

Vegan Cookies

First Guy (pointing to cookies): Hey, what's a "vegan cookie"?
Second Guy: That means it doesn't have any ingredients.


(Overheard at Casco Bay Books)

Excuse my spelling.

Tween Girl 1: He's going to get a PhD. He's mad smart.
Tween Girl 2: Aren't PhDs what you need to be a shrink?
Tween Girl 1: Yeah, or a paleantologist.


Overheard near Waynflete.

North Carolina

Crazy Man on Congress Street (in a threatening manner): It's not like you have to tear your face off to North Carolina!

(Overheard by David Meiklejohn)

Swimming Instructor: Ok, everybody, let's go over names.
Little Girl 1: Caitlin.
Swimming Intructor: Hailey?
Little Girl 1: Caitlin.
Swimming Intructor: Caitlin.
Little Girl 2: Eden.
Swimming Instructor: Hailey?
Little Girl 2: Eden.
Swimming Instructor: Eden.
Little Girl 3: Hannah.
Swimming Instructor: Hailey?
Little Girl 3: Hannah.
Swimming Instructor: Hannah. Is Hailey even a real name?

Denmark, Maine?

Young woman, to boyfriend: So just go on over to Denmark and find yourself Wyland St!
Boyfriend: Ok.

Good plan

Girl: These ones don't hurt as much when you get hit by them.
Mom: These whats?
Girl: Tennis balls. This one might break your nose, but these ones can TOTALLY hit you straight on, and it will barely hurt.
Mom: Maybe you shouldn't put your face in front of them, then.


Overheard at Sports Authority

It's really worth more

Older Man in Italia shirt: ...because I'm Italian, that's why. Now, how much do I owe you?
Cashier woman: A million dollars. Well, a hundred thousand because you're Italian.
Older Man in Italia shirt: Fair enough.


Overheard at Amato's

The Happiest Season of All

Woman in twenties: ...so, and it was Christmas Eve, and it bit me, and I was swinging it back and forth when it just died! And I never got another hamster.

(Overheard at Scarborough Beach)

A condradiction, perhaps?

Man: I am Josef Stalin, the Pope, and God, all in one.
Teen girl: Yur pope-name should be Eular. Then you'd be Pope-Eular.
Man: I am the most pope-eular.

I'm telling you, I didn't think so

Teen Boy: I'm telling you, I did NOT give birth.

Overheard at South Portland tennis courts.

Papaya?

Non-latina non-Spanish speaking teenage girl: I can't read anything on this bottle! God, I wish it was in English. What is this anyway? Oh, a papayera. That's the blood fruit right?
Spanish speaking teenage girl: What? Papayera?
Non-latina non-Spanish speaking teenage girl: Papayaya? Papapapayah?

He'll do that for a while.

Comrade Rafa's Dad: What's the score?
Gas Station Clerk: Don't know. Here, I'll turn it up.
Comrade Rafa's Dad: They were losing last time I checked.
Gas Station Clerk: Yeah, but they're the Sox! They can turn it around. Oh, here's Kevin Youkilis.
Comrade Rafa's Dad: Youk, Youk, Youk!!!
Comrade Rafa: I'm going.
Comrade Rafa's Dad: Youk, Youk, Youk!


Overheard/Spoken at Blue Canoe on Commercial St.

So many types of killing.

Woman: Was he a serial killer or a mass killer?
Man: Mass killers kill a bunch of people they know. Serial killers just kill a bunch of random people in random places.
Woman: Well, which was it?
Man: Did he know them? Cause that changes it.
Woman: Maybe he was a spree killer.
Man: Which one's that?
Woman: About halfway between.


Overheard at Videoport

But how many name their animals after candy?

Somewhat Crazy man with dog walks out of bathroom.
Somewhat Crazy Man: She's a service dog! She can go anywhere.
Woman: I see.
Somewhat Crazy Man: Anywhere. Her name is Snickers. Just like the candy.
Woman. Oh.
Somwhat Crazy Man: Just like it!
Man: You get all kinds in the men's room.

Overheard at the Nickelodeon Theatre

More Delicious

Wild Oats Manager (gesturing to meat case): ...and free range animals are happier animals. And happy animals are healthier animals. And healthy animals are more delicious!

Brownie Troop: Yay!


(Overheard in the meat department in Wild Oats)

About to Dump

Woman talking to sky: OHHHHH, looks like it's about to DUMP!

(Overheard in parking lot of Wild Oats.)

Bad Ass

Punk girl #1: She's, like, a bad ass, but she's really pretty!

Punk girl #2: I know, I saw her, and I was like, "Damn!"

Punk girl #1: That's like, totally how I want to be percieved by people.


(Overheard in the Old Port.)

Skinny Meg

Woman #1: Well, you are small.

Woman #2: But I'm not like skinny Meg!

(Overheard by Artemis at Bubblemaineia)

Tall Means Power

Woman #1: I always feel tall in shoes; it's a psychological thing.

Woman #2: That's okay. Tall means power.

(Overheard by Artemis in Kohl's, in South Portland)