Love

One guy to another: "Oh yeah, he still loves her! (pause) But he's gettin' sick of it."





(Overheard by John R. on Temple Street)

Excitement

Man on cell phone: "Snow, blue moon, lunar eclipse, beginning of a new year -- how much excitement can ya handle? 'Cause we got it all going on! Yeah today!"





(Overheard on Park Street)

Forever Roman Numerals

Shopper, to store clerk: "Excuse me, can you tell me where Forever Twenty-One is?"

Clerk: "Uhh...this is Forever Twenty-One."

Shopper: "Oh! I thought it was Ex-Ex-Eye!"

(Overheard by AA at Forever Twenty-One in South Portland)

Who Needs Meters?

Teenage girl looking at parking lot sign: "Monthly parking? Who parks for a month?"

(Overheard in downtown Portland)

Hate or Need?

Young woman: "I hate this store."

Friend: "I thought you liked coming here."

Young woman: "I do, but I still hate this store. I need everything!"





(Overheard at Michael's in South Portland)

Jedi Mind Tricks

Grizzly street person, speaking in a whiskey monotone: "Fucking Jedi mind tricks. Cut out that eyeball shit. Go away."





(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Easier then Training Someone New

Business owner: "You busy?"

Contractor: "Yeah, I'm so busy, I hired back a guy that stole from me. It was easier then training someone new!"





(Overheard at Haggarty's)

Thank you would be nice

Women to friend: "You'd think if they're going to ransack your car and take all your change the least they could do is leave a post it note -- 'thanks for the spare change.' Now I have no parking meter change."





(Overheard on Middle Street)

2-Ply

Man to woman: "What do you think you are doing? We need this -- I have a two-ply butt."

Woman to man: "Oh, sensitive New Age guy?"






(Overheard at the Forest Avenue Hannaford)

Sexiest Man

Man to woman: "Do you want People? It's got the sexiest man!"

Male cashier, indignantly, and with a strong Maine accent: "Sexiest man, hrrmph, well they didn't ask my opinion."




(Overheard by JR at the Portland Jetport)

Role Model

Fully grown, adult man on cellphone: "Holy fuck, he was so cool. I really want to be cool like that."




(Overheard at Hannaford)

The Dog

Fancy guy, to friend: "Yeah, she's gone, but I got the dog!"





(Overheard by Margot somewhere south of Portland)

Careful Where You Step

Girl to her friend: "Careful where you step. Those yellow berries smell like dog poop!"






(Overheard on Spring Street, passing Ginkgo Trees)

Discussing Gay Marriage With a Ten Year Old

Ten year-old: "Do we even know any gay people?"

Mom: "Well, what about Nellie's dads?"

Ten year-old, incredulous: "Nellie's dads are gay?!"




(Overheard by Emily in Topsham)

Virtually Overheard

Short dude with hippy-like hair: "I just want you to know, I did NOT cut you off, I was there BEFORE that dude..."




(Overheard, sort of, on Craigslist.)

It's a Glamorous Life

Drug dealer in line at the bank, whispering, just prior to exchanging ten dollars in penny rolls for a Hamilton: “Yeah. I got two left. Yeah, I got weed. Dude, I’m at the bank! Can I call you back?”




(Overheard by AP at Bank of America)

Crazy

Son: "Do you remember Michel, the crazy guy?"

Mother: "He wasn't crazy, he was just Canadian."

(Overheard by DM on State Street)

Restaurant Review

Hobbit-like woman, to friend: "The Corner Room was terrible. The whole experience was kinda gay. Good thing I didn't pay. I'm a woman; that's my rule."





(Overheard by AS at the UHaul on Marginal Way)

A Religious Education

Mom, having just explained what a cemetery is for: "Do you know anyone who has died?"

Preschooler number one: "Jesus."

Preschooler number two: "Who's Jesus?"

Preschooler number one: "You know... that naked guy."




(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at Evergreen Cemetery)

Call This Number

(Seen by IWH near USM)

Hamster Derby

Cyclist number one: "I went to the coffee shop up on the hill yesterday."

Cyclist number two: "Oh, so you do have a life!"

Cyclist number three to Cyclist number four: "So, you have hamster derby kids?"

Cyclist number four: "Yep, two of 'em! My wife wants to race sometime, so that should be pretty wild."

Cyclists numbers one, two, and three: "Oh yeah! Put 'er there!"



(Overheard on the Eastern Prom)

Watergate

Teacher, to history class: "What I remember about Watergate was being with my grandmother, and she was crying. And I just wanted her to make me a grilled cheese sandwich."

Student: "That's such a great memory! You remember the exact situation!"

Teacher: "Yes, all I cared about was that grilled cheese sandwich. You know, that's just how children are. Especially fat children!"




(Overheard at a Portland high school by Margot)

Walking For My Heart

Younger man to older man, who is shuffling: "Are you okay? Can I help you?"

Older man: "No, but thanks. I've got bad feet."

Younger man: "I see you walking all the time."

Older man: "Indeed, I walk for my heart. I still need to take care of all of me."

Younger man: "You GO!"




(overheard early in the morning on Park Street)

I Think She Means "Heron."

Girl on bike calling to friends on bikes: "Another huge herring!"




(Overheard by John R on the Back Cove trail)

Eighth Grade

Crazy guy in art gallery: "In life, it's not all about EDUCATION. You need, need, to learn important survival skills. If you're at a party... and there's alcohol... know what I'm sayin'? Get a glass of water between every 2, 3 drinks."

13 year old boy: "Ok."

Crazy guy in art gallery: "What grade are you in?"

13 year old boy: "Eighth..."

Crazy guy in art gallery: "Ooh. Eighth grade. That's a tough one. I got 4 of my teeth knocked out. I got my arm broken. All in eighth grade. See this? *Shows hand* A kid, stabbed me. Eighth grade."

13 year old boy: "Wow... So, what do you do?"

Crazy guy in art gallery: "If I told you... you see, the last person I told. My doctor. He DIED. He died of a heart attack."




(Overheard by IWH at a Portland art gallery during artwalk)

Those Were The Days

One shopper to another: "You know it, man! Like peyote buttons and Disaronno!"



(Overheard at Rosemont Market by MD)

Virtually Overheard

One health conscious man to another: "we met today near the almond butter."





(Sort of overheard on craigslist)

Are You a Good Witch? Or a Bad Witch?

Guy running up to me: "Are you an undercover cop giving out tickets, or a vigilante secretly feeding the meter?"

Me (somewhat shocked by the question): "I am just unlocking my bike."

Guy (putting quarters in meter): "Oh."





(Overheard beside a parking meter in downtown Portland by JR)

Lollygagging

Sketchy street kid: "Hey, how's it going?"

Man walking by: "It's going fine."

Street kid: "Hey, can I borrow your cell phone?"

Man: "Uh, sure." (dials for the kid, then hands over the phone)

Street kid, into cell phone: "I'm at the corner, man! Quit lollygagging!"




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Half-Vegetarian

Middle School Aged Boy 1: "Today is International Hug a Vegetarian Day!"

*Everyone around gives hugs*

Middle School Aged Boy 2: :Wait, aren't you only, like, half vegetarian? Like, your mom is vegetarian, and you're dad's like, Colombian or something like that, right?"




(Overheard at King Middle School)

A Big Problem in Haiti

Hipster girl, pushing her bike while talking on her cell phone: "What if she gets kidnapped and turned into a zombie? I hear that's a big problem in Haiti. Is that what you're worried about? (pauses to listen) No, listen, this is legit!"

(Overheard on Congress Street by Margot)

Cookies

Women #1, admiring cookie cutters: "I like these, I could put them on my kitchen wall."

Women #2: "Or you could make some cookies."





(Overheard at LaRoux's Kitchen, cookie cutter wall)

I Triple Dogg Dare You

It's a Rental

Dad, to his son who is driving: "It doesn't matter if you ride the curb. It's a rental."




(Overheard on Park Street)

I only eat soft serve!

Grammar School Child Number One: "I love ice cream!"

Grammar School Child Number Two: "Me too. Especially soft serve. I love that stuff."

Number One: "So what were you guys playing?"

Number Two: "Soccer."

Number One: "Yeah, soft serve is the best."





(Overheard on Glenwood Street)

Loses All Its Nutrients?

Guy from Kansas, chopping carrots: "If we're cutting this up so finely, doesn't it lose all its nutrients?"

Woman: "HAHA! That doesn't matter!"

Guy from Kansas: "But... if you cook it, it does, right?"

Woman: "That's different!"






(Overheard in a kitchen on Brighton Avenue)

In A Can

Intoxicated individual: "Hey! You've got - that's my shirt!! Rude!"

Just a Guy: "Hey! Go do it in a can!"




(Overheard on the Maine State Pier)

High School Will Be Better, I Promise

Eager middle school girl: "Did you notice my new sweatshirt from Aéropostale?"

Snotty middle school girl: "No. I didn't."





(Overheard near King Middle School on the first day of school)

Religious Dialogue on Congress Street

Angrily shouting homeless guy number one: "The Ten Commandments were written for Moses! That's who they were written for!"

Angrily shouting homeless guy number two: "The Ten Commandments were written for the Jewish people! And no one else!"





(Overheard on Congress Street by Margot)

How To Meet Your Next Date?

Parking guy: "Hey, I've dated some of the women whose cars I've booted. I've even had to boot some of them again."





(Overheard on Sliver Street)

Infrared Conversion

Customer: "Photoshop has an infrared conversion effect??"




(Overheard by Anthony Joe at the Photo Market)

Crazy Navajo

Crazy guy, doing spiritual native American hand gestures: "Hey sister! Any chance you can help out a crazy Navajo?"

Me, a boy: "What?"

Crazy Navajo: "I'm wet, I'm from Tuscon Arizona, and I need your umbrella!"





(Overheard by IWH on Congress Street in the rain)

And You Know What That Means!

Girl, describing why her two friends should meet and possibly hit it off romantically: "She likes tinctures, he likes tinctures..."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

So Cute

Crazy Woman with gold tooth: "How old is your baby?"

Babysitter: "Almost a year."

Crazy Woman: (laughs maniacally for an extremely uncomfortable length of time)

Crazy Woman: "She's so cute! How old is she?"




(Overheard by Z and I in Monument Square)

Hands Up, Buddy

Little Kid A to Little Kid B: "I've got seaweed, and I'm not afraid to use it!"






(Overheard by Anonymous at Crescent Beach)

German Bus

Concord-Trailways bus driver, to passengers over the loudspeaker: "This is my favorite bus...NOT. Those Germans don't know how to design a bus. This bus is a piece of crap!"






(Overheard by Margot on the Boston-to-Portland bus)

Poop

Young boy, from inside a bathroom stall: "Mom, it feels so good when the poop comes out!"




(Overheard by Deb at Flatbread)

Patriots

Blond 20-something woman in car with New Hampshire plates, gesturing to the bumper sticker on the back of my car, which is parked in my driveway: "Way to ruin America!"

Me, confused: "Huh? Way to ruin America?"

Her companion, an equally annoying 20-something man, doing a "thumbs-down" gesture: "Obama SUCKS!"




(Overheard in my driveway)

A Wet Situation

Four year-old boy, from bathroom stall, to his mother in an adjacent stall: "Uh oh. I've got kind of a wet situation here. It's mostly piddle."






(Overheard by Mama D in Brunswick)

Profit & Loss

Fairly cheerful and extremely intoxicated woman, to a group of gallery goers: "My brother has $10,000 in the bank, but he won't give me twenty cents to park my car. I'm gonna put a rock through his windshield and that's gonna cost a lot more than twenty cents!"



(Overheard outside Field Gallery on India Street)

Bad

(Seen in Deering Oaks)

Dead Dogs

Dentist, to hygienist: "God, I hate my dogs. I just can't wait for those dogs to die."





(Overheard at a dentist's office in Scarborough)

Stuffing Machine

(Seen on Exchange Street)

Dog on a Leash

Six year old boy with a dog on a leash (and the end of the leash around his own neck), to his mother, who is about 20 steps ahead of him: "Now I know what it feels like to be a dog on a leash! It HURTS!"





(Overheard by CVC on Wharf Street)

Apples and Bananas

Very thoughtful six year old boy after singing the Apples and Bananas song: "You can say that you know...apples and bananas...just not around European people..."










(overheard on Hale st.)

Ma

Man, casually: "Hey, did you hear ma died?"

Woman, even more casually: "Yeah, that's what I heard."




(Overheard on Congress Street)

Idaho?

Blond women talking to herself and laughing: "Idaho? NO - you da ho!"






(overheard on Park Street)

I Wonder Which House the Sorting Hat Would Put You In

Attractive woman, to friend: "I think Severus Snape is a sexpot. I might be in the minority on that one."



(Overheard at the Forest Avenue Rite Aid)

Can you help me?

Intoxicated man, holding cellphone in outstretched hand: "Can you help me...? Can you help me...? Can you finish this text message for me??"

(overheard on Congress Street)

Bits, like shells washed up

Five year old in green swim suit, running: "Mommy! Look, it's a sea shell!"

Teenage girl, with friends: "Och, Och, the sand is hot."

Another teenage girl, to friends: "I guess I'll take off my pants. Oops, that didn't sound right."

Her friend: "If I could get as dark as Ivy, my life would be complete."

Random male to other random male as he stops to check him out: "Hey, don't you go to Blackstones?"

30ish women on cell phone "Push the crazy mixed drinks. I want her to have to make a butt load of Pina Coladas."

Young child running out of the water to her dad: "I'm hungry and I'm cold. I'm going to build a moat."

Woman in bike shorts: "What a glorious day!"



(Overheard at Willard Beach)

Goodwill

Cape Camp Director: "Lost and Found items that are not picked up will be taken to Goodwill."

Cape Young Camper: :"What's Goodwill?"





(Overheard in Cape Elizabeth)

Martha's Vineyard

Kid: "Mom, what's Martha's Vineyard?"

Mom: "It's an island off the coast of Massachusetts."

Kid: "Oh! I thought it was a theme restaurant."






(Overheard somewhat south of Portland)

Witness Protection?

Waiter: "Visiting from England?"

Matronly, British-sounding woman: "No! People have a hard time believing I'm from Limerick, Maine."

Waiter: "Oh...I'm going to put your dip order in now."





(overheard at the Oak Street Bistro in Alfred, Maine)

Deity with Purple Hair.

Older man: "You are a deity!"

Young woman with wild purple hair: "Oh?"

Older man: "Do you know what that means?"

Young woman: "No."

Older man: "That's okay, it doesn't mean you aren't one, it only means you'll have to learn to grow into what it means to be one!"





(overheard in Monument Square during the Farmer's Market)

Sad

Screaming woman, walking behind a guy who is pushing a shopping cart full of bottles: "I hate you! Your place is sad! You sit with (offensive term omitted here)! I hate you!"






(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Recycling

7 year old: "Now, instead of throwing things away, I like to recycle. I recycle everything! (After a pause) I like to help Earth."

Know your landmarks

Woman: "This isn't the beach. It's the ocean!"

Man: "Oh, really?"

Woman: "The Atlantic Ocean."





(Overheard at Popham Beach in Phippsburg.)

Good Cop/Bad Cop

Drunk Guy: "You be the good cop, I'll be the bad cop. Which is awesome cause you're bigger and I'm littler!"







(Overheard on Congress Street near the Eastern Prom before the fireworks)

Oops

Teenage boy, to his friend: "You know, man, Kaitlin's looking pretty hot tonight."

Friend: (unintelligible)

Teenage boy: "I didn't mean to hit her in the face!"







(Overheard by MH after the fireworks on the Eastern Prom)

Street Soap Opera

Very intoxicated woman, to equally intoxicated man: "Listen to me: listen, wouldja? It's a marriage of convenience."








(Overheard on Park Street)

Lazy

Woman 1: "You know, I really don't like Kristin."

Woman 2: "What, 'cause she's mean?"

Woman 1: "No, 'cause she's lazy! I mean, come on, if you can't walk around for two hours then you have a problem. It's not strenuous. We are not asking her to jog."

The Inheritance

Older man, to boy with phone at next table: "You talkin' to California?"

Boy's mom: "No, we are at Starbucks."

Older man: "You got a rich aunt out there! Be good to her!"

It was a Good day in the Neighborhood!

One trash guy to the other: "Oh, my gosh - these cookies are still warm."

(later the same day)

Young man to his lady friend: "Of course they love me! I just got new socks."




(overheard by Hanson's Carriage House Antiques)

Here's Where Math Skills Come in Handy

Gushy Woman (admiring adorable baby): "How old is she?"

Mom: "She just turned one."

Gushy Woman (noticing the baby's brothers): "How old are they?"

Mom: "One is three, and one is five."

Gushy Woman: "Twins?"

Mom: "Um, no."






(Overheard by JSF in Monument Square)

Musical

Preschooler (emits a long fart, then contemplates for a while): "Sounds like jazz!"






(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at a Portland area preschool)

What's The Big Deal?

Young zombie girl, with deathly pale skin, long reddish braids, many wounds and bloodstains, and one arm: "Why is everybody staring at me? So I only have one arm - it's not that unusual!"






(Overheard at Zombie Kickball on the Eastern Prom in the rain)

Career Paths

Man: "She was a post hole digger. She put in fence posts for the county. This was after the money-laundering."



(Overheard on Park Street)

President Ninja

First thirteen year-old boy: "I love Obama."

Second thirteen year-old boy: "Me too, I love Obama. He's a ninja."

First thirteen year-old boy: "Yeah, he is a ninja."







(Overheard on Brighton Ave)

I think I'll let the Universe Step Up to the Plate

Cashier, to woman buying lottery tickets: "Do you keep the ones that aren't winners?"

Woman (shaking her head): "I think I'll let the universe step up and help me become a winner. Easy pick. Though if I don't win, it doesn't mean the universe doesn't love me. Just not my turn."






(overheard at Hannaford on Forest Avenue in the morning)

Sunshine Scat Mid-week

30-ish brunnette women by voice, approximately 5'8ish walking down the street, I could only see her head as her voice called out to no one for the sheer act of Singing.

A clear voice singing Scat that was so full of Joy!



Thank you! After so much rain it was a gladness to hear joy vs. complaints about the weather.





(overhead from a window on Park Street, around 8:30pm)

It's Gonna Be an Awesome Party

Macho guy on cellphone, standing in line with his shopping cart: "Yo, I got a 30-pack of Coors Light and some Dunkeroos, bro!"





(Overheard at Hannaford)

A World of Work

Bedraggled guy talking to himself on Congress Street at 10PM: "It's a premonition! Stay away from me, I have a world of work to do."





(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

That is SO Portland

Portland voter: "I love gay marriage. And I would vote for the freaking dog catcher if she were a democrat."






(Overheard by J J-M at the June 12th special election)

Sick

Young boy watching friend play Gameboy: "Sick! Sick! Sick!"

Friend, playing Gameboy: "I am not throwing up!"

First boy: "I know! It's just awesome!"

It's a miracle!

Teenage girl to mother using Slap-Chop: "Mom, you are Vince! My mother is the Chosen One!"

Dawn's Announcement

Girl on Phone: "Well, whatever you do, it won't be as bad as the time Dawn stood up and told everyone she was a racist."






(Overheard by M P-S at Material Objects)

A Perfect Example of Why You Shouldn't Ask That Question

Woman number one: "So, are you pregnant?"

Woman number two: "No, I'm just fat."






(Overheard by MH in an office waiting room in Portland)

Indoor Cat

Catch-playing girl number one: "Your cat's name is Tigger? That is like the most unoriginal name ever. I bet that there are a million cats named Tigger."

Catch-playing girl number two: "So? He'll never know: he's an indoor cat!"






(Overheard by JR on the Western Prom)

I'm Going to Assume She's Not Talking to a Commercial Pilot

Young woman, on cell phone: "Well, if you fuck up, nobody's gonna die."






(Overheard at Hannaford)

They're everywhere

Mom to toddler: "Careful! Human beings! Human beings! You're an infant!"





(Overheard at the Old Port Festival)

RUSH...great last name when ordering take out.

Person taking a to-go order to person on the phone: "And a name please."

(Person on phone replies)

Order taker: "RUSH, ok. It'll be ready in 15 minutes."

Order taker turns to kitchen hands in order and says: "RUSH!"




(Overheard around 8ish while dining at Haggarty's)

You Just Couldn't Understand

Kid: "I love grapefruit."

Mom: "That's good."

Kid: "No, really, I love grapefruit."

Mother Load...

Late into the night or we could call it morning.
Out picking for bottles, it's trash day on the West End
Ah, he found a Mother Load
Man to friend, in truck.

"Hey take the truck up that alley
there are boxes of bottles. Lots of boxes!"

The sound of looking for bottles continues,
Others are out looking for a good find as well.



(overheard on Park from bedroom window about 3am, Wednesday)

Into Orbit

Woman, excitedly: "I've never had the iced coffee here, but I've heard great things about it!"

Barista: "Yeah, it's good."

Woman: "Will it send me into orbit?"

Barista: "Uhh..."

Woman: "I guess I'll have a cappuccino."





(Overheard at Arabica)

Narwhals are Cool

Man: "I really need a cigarette."

Boy: "Yeah, narwhals are cool!"




(Overheard at The Green Elephant)

Mom's Pajamas

Preschooler #1, to Preschooler #2: "Why did your dad put his penis in your mom's pajamas?"




(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at the lunch table in a Portland area preschool)

Computer Smart

By the voices; estimated guess is 30ish males:
arguing as they walk down the street -

Hey listen, listen I'm computer smart and I get virus and shit. So don't tell me....

as they continue down the street.

Heard on Park Street around noon, from a window as they passed by

It's In The Air

Teen Boy #1: "Dude, Dude, wait!"

Teen Boy #2: "Huh...?"

Teen Boy #3: "Man, we're in Maine. You gotta recycle that!"





(Overheard by the trash & recycle bins at Whole Foods)

Living the Examined Life

Cook/Proprietor (handing menu to passerby): "Here you are sir."

Possible Customer (noticing that the menu has twelve items on it): "So, I'd have to eat here a dozen times?"

Cook/Proprietor (confused): "Excuse me?"

Possible Customer: "There are twelve items on your menu; it would take me a dozen times to try them all."

Cook/Proprietor: "You could, or some people just stick to one thing that they like. Like this young man (indicating me), he just gets the falafel."

Me: (Feeling a little awkward at being singled out) "The falafel is quite good."

Possible Customer (To himself as he walks away): "But if I just ate the same thing, how would I know that I actually liked it?"

(Overheard by JR at Spartan Grill)

OhNo

(image copyright Béatrice de Géa for The New York Times)


Man, after studying the above photograph in the New York Times, to friend: "Whoa, weird. I saw all the green in this photo and figured it was an article about farming, and my first thought was, 'Is that like a rutabaga or something?'"

Guy eating nearby: "That's the most fucked up thing I ever heard."




(Overheard at OhNo Cafe)

Fire Bombs

Agitated boy on the computer listening to a heavy metal song consisting of a brief lyric "First you gotta fuck it then you gotta eat it": "Gram....Gram! I need an energy pack...no look I'll give you my fire bombs...hey Gram how many fire bombs does it take? What do you need? Wait Gram! Gram!!!"




(overheard at Casco Bay Movers Dance Studio)

A Pretty Penny

Stylish woman, to even more stylish man: "My son would make an adorable sex slave. Wait, that sounds bad. I just mean that if he was on the auction block, he'd fetch a pretty penny."



(Overheard by DM in Congress Square)

It Happens To The Best Of Us

Woman, petting someone else's dog: "My dog gets older and grumpier as he gets older."





(Overheard in Congress Square during the Tower of Song)

Jungle to Grass

In a little sheltered neighbor hood, 50ish man to a friend as they looked across the street to a house that is for sale: "I hear the guy who's buying it wants to turn it all back to grass. The Jungle garden is gone, it's been sad to watch it come apart. It was fun, while she was here. She really loved to garden."


sometimes that is the way of things.....

Saliva With Resin

Seems Wrong

50-ish man to wife: "So, the Republican boyfriend is apparently also Catholic. (after a pause) Just doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd drive a Prius, though, right?"

Meant to hear...

Voices barely audible,
full of story sitting on the steps
a voice says loudly while chatting on his phone,
"yeah, my voice is sounding weird even to me tonight"
the seagulls start to laugh
the women's voices continue to share their stories,
barely audible
unless you are meant to hear.


1am Saturday morning - Park Street

Throw that kid

Man holding little boy to wife in dressing room: Okay, get ready, I'm going to throw him over! (After a pause) What, you don't believe me?

Little boy: (laughs) He'll never do that!

The Cat Man

Extremely tattooed, facially pierced man, on cell phone: "Yo, I was just talking to the fucking cat man!"

(Overheard in the Old Port)

Bar Truisms

Older gentleman: "When you go out alone, you may think the grass is greener. The grass ain't greener. The grass is brown. Nah, ladies, that grass? That grass is brown."

Bar patron, possibly intoxicated: "It must be open mic night!"
Bar patron, definitely intoxicated: "It's open BLACK night!"

Shakespeare fan: "Have you seen those poets? They think they're so grandiose. Shakespeare, man, we should have a Shakespeare open mic. That would show those poets how to use words."

(Overheard by JJ @ The White Heart)

What's The Poop?

Man, to clothing store clerk: "What's the poop on this shirt?"

Clerk, alarmed: "There's poop on the shirt?"

Man: "Yeah...what's the poop on this shirt?"

(Awkward pause while clerk sort of picks at the shirt the man is holding.)

Man's wife, walking over: "He means what's the story with the shirt."


(Overheard by CVC in the Old Port)

Ukulele Her

Eccentric-looking woman, wielding a ukulele and yelling: "LOOK! It's a ukulele! (Appearing to produce a receipt and waving that around in the other hand) I BOUGHT it!"


(Overheard in Monument Square)

THE PIG CAME HOME

(woman in Ben Kay answers cell phone)

"The pig?! The pig came home?!? Ok! Round him in, put Jesse on it,  and have the kids put the goats in the kitchen, but hide all the telescopes because they'll eat those!"

Carrot/Stick

Guy at bar, to his friend: The carrot that's hanging in front of your face isn't a carrot, it's a cock. And she's never going to get it. Good luck with that, honey.



(Overheard by DM at Local 188)

Anti-anxiety Bread

Older Woman: "What's 'Cymbalta bread'?"

Sandwich Guy: "Um, that's 'ciabatta bread', ma'am."

Cloudy

Loud woman talking on cell phone: "Hey Gail, remember me? I'm the pregnant girl that calls you every year for your horse pick! (Pauses) Oh, is your crystal ball looking cloudy?"




(Overheard outside Bard Coffee)

Women

Middle School Boy 1: "I like women!"

Middle School Boy 2: (Says nothing while they continue walking)





(Overheard near King Middle School)

Swine Flu 3 for 1

Tennis Coach: Do we have an odd number?

Tennis Coach 2: Yeah, but I could tell Mike he has swine flu and send him home.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gym Employee: Swine flu is the new Twitter!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teen girl: Jeremy has swine flu. 

Woman: Jeremy is swine flu!

That Helmet is Hot

Guy in cycling gear to girl: You got to get a helmet that looks good, so you want to wear it all the time. Everyone likes to look good.

(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

GIRL ON HER CELL PHONE IN THE STAIR WELL AT USM

" YOU DID NOT JUST HANG UP. WHY DID YOU HANG UP? NO. YOU SAY GOODYE, AND THEN YOU HANG UP. RIGHT? THATS WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO, THEY SAY GOODYE BYE AND THEN THEY HANG UP." THEN SHE HUNG UP.

It's actually a secret code.

Male Deli Employee: Everybody loves BOGO!

Female Deli Employee: I don't even know what that is.

Male Deli Employee: Everybody knows what BOGO is.

Female Deli Employee: Well, I don't.

Male Deli Employee: It's "Buy one get one"!

Female Deli Employee: Seriously? Well I don't even wanna tell you what I thought it was!

Overheard at West End Deli

Somebody Needs to Consult the Urban Dictionary

Middle school teacher, trying hard to be cool: Oh, dish!




(Overheard at King Middle School)

Only 364 Shopping days to Easter!

Small Boy: (spotting bunny with Red Sox hat in sale Easter bin): I want the Red Sox one for Easter!

Mother (exasperated): Easter was yesterday.

Boy (equally exasperated): No, next Easter.

(Overheard by JR at Hannaford)

That Novel Was NUTS

Homeless man: Hey sister! Hey! Care to help out a crazy novel?

(Overheard in Congress street)

You Call This Art?

Distinguished-looking older woman, examining a painting: Look at all that white space! He wasted two-thirds of the painting on white space!


(Overheard by MH at the Portland Museum of Art Biennial opening)

I knew it had SOME purpose

High School Boy 1: You can write about crap, that's ok. But you don't write about your feelings!
High School Boy 2: Yeah, that's what poetry is for!

Overheard on the bus

Obviously an Animal Rights Activist

Middle aged lady in a fur coat: So THAT'S how the dog got electrocuted!

(Overheard on Exchange Street)

Wow.

Mid 20's age Girl on Cell Phone: I don't know what you did to me last night, but it worked!

(Overheard on Munjoy Hill)

Wood in the Street

Person One: There's wood in the street.

Person Two: So, it is neccessary to have wood in the street?

Person One: I'll take wood anywhere I can get it - but in the street works for me.

(overheard in the Old Port)

You Could Fry an Egg on the Sidewalk

Man: Wow! Look at that!
Other man: What?

Man: (Pointing) Some guy fried an egg on the pavement!
Other man: Holy shit!

Man: What do you think it tastes like?

(overheard in warmer months near Gilbert's Chowder House by Antonio)

Perfect Hair

Man in trench coat at 2am: Hello young lady.

Me, a man: Hello.

Man, realizing I'm a man: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a young lady because your hair, it's so perfect.


(Overheard on Preble Street by DM)

Deering Oaks

Man: We should play frisbee at Deering Oaks this summer.

Kid: I don't like Deering Oaks anymore.

Man: Why not?

Kid: I just don't like it ever since I saw a homeless guy skinning a bird there.

(overheard on Brackett Street)