It's a Glamorous Life

Drug dealer in line at the bank, whispering, just prior to exchanging ten dollars in penny rolls for a Hamilton: “Yeah. I got two left. Yeah, I got weed. Dude, I’m at the bank! Can I call you back?”




(Overheard by AP at Bank of America)

Crazy

Son: "Do you remember Michel, the crazy guy?"

Mother: "He wasn't crazy, he was just Canadian."

(Overheard by DM on State Street)

Restaurant Review

Hobbit-like woman, to friend: "The Corner Room was terrible. The whole experience was kinda gay. Good thing I didn't pay. I'm a woman; that's my rule."





(Overheard by AS at the UHaul on Marginal Way)

A Religious Education

Mom, having just explained what a cemetery is for: "Do you know anyone who has died?"

Preschooler number one: "Jesus."

Preschooler number two: "Who's Jesus?"

Preschooler number one: "You know... that naked guy."




(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at Evergreen Cemetery)

Call This Number

(Seen by IWH near USM)

Hamster Derby

Cyclist number one: "I went to the coffee shop up on the hill yesterday."

Cyclist number two: "Oh, so you do have a life!"

Cyclist number three to Cyclist number four: "So, you have hamster derby kids?"

Cyclist number four: "Yep, two of 'em! My wife wants to race sometime, so that should be pretty wild."

Cyclists numbers one, two, and three: "Oh yeah! Put 'er there!"



(Overheard on the Eastern Prom)

Watergate

Teacher, to history class: "What I remember about Watergate was being with my grandmother, and she was crying. And I just wanted her to make me a grilled cheese sandwich."

Student: "That's such a great memory! You remember the exact situation!"

Teacher: "Yes, all I cared about was that grilled cheese sandwich. You know, that's just how children are. Especially fat children!"




(Overheard at a Portland high school by Margot)

Walking For My Heart

Younger man to older man, who is shuffling: "Are you okay? Can I help you?"

Older man: "No, but thanks. I've got bad feet."

Younger man: "I see you walking all the time."

Older man: "Indeed, I walk for my heart. I still need to take care of all of me."

Younger man: "You GO!"




(overheard early in the morning on Park Street)

I Think She Means "Heron."

Girl on bike calling to friends on bikes: "Another huge herring!"




(Overheard by John R on the Back Cove trail)

Eighth Grade

Crazy guy in art gallery: "In life, it's not all about EDUCATION. You need, need, to learn important survival skills. If you're at a party... and there's alcohol... know what I'm sayin'? Get a glass of water between every 2, 3 drinks."

13 year old boy: "Ok."

Crazy guy in art gallery: "What grade are you in?"

13 year old boy: "Eighth..."

Crazy guy in art gallery: "Ooh. Eighth grade. That's a tough one. I got 4 of my teeth knocked out. I got my arm broken. All in eighth grade. See this? *Shows hand* A kid, stabbed me. Eighth grade."

13 year old boy: "Wow... So, what do you do?"

Crazy guy in art gallery: "If I told you... you see, the last person I told. My doctor. He DIED. He died of a heart attack."




(Overheard by IWH at a Portland art gallery during artwalk)

Those Were The Days

One shopper to another: "You know it, man! Like peyote buttons and Disaronno!"



(Overheard at Rosemont Market by MD)

Virtually Overheard

One health conscious man to another: "we met today near the almond butter."





(Sort of overheard on craigslist)

Are You a Good Witch? Or a Bad Witch?

Guy running up to me: "Are you an undercover cop giving out tickets, or a vigilante secretly feeding the meter?"

Me (somewhat shocked by the question): "I am just unlocking my bike."

Guy (putting quarters in meter): "Oh."





(Overheard beside a parking meter in downtown Portland by JR)

Lollygagging

Sketchy street kid: "Hey, how's it going?"

Man walking by: "It's going fine."

Street kid: "Hey, can I borrow your cell phone?"

Man: "Uh, sure." (dials for the kid, then hands over the phone)

Street kid, into cell phone: "I'm at the corner, man! Quit lollygagging!"




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Half-Vegetarian

Middle School Aged Boy 1: "Today is International Hug a Vegetarian Day!"

*Everyone around gives hugs*

Middle School Aged Boy 2: :Wait, aren't you only, like, half vegetarian? Like, your mom is vegetarian, and you're dad's like, Colombian or something like that, right?"




(Overheard at King Middle School)

A Big Problem in Haiti

Hipster girl, pushing her bike while talking on her cell phone: "What if she gets kidnapped and turned into a zombie? I hear that's a big problem in Haiti. Is that what you're worried about? (pauses to listen) No, listen, this is legit!"

(Overheard on Congress Street by Margot)

Cookies

Women #1, admiring cookie cutters: "I like these, I could put them on my kitchen wall."

Women #2: "Or you could make some cookies."





(Overheard at LaRoux's Kitchen, cookie cutter wall)

I Triple Dogg Dare You

It's a Rental

Dad, to his son who is driving: "It doesn't matter if you ride the curb. It's a rental."




(Overheard on Park Street)

I only eat soft serve!

Grammar School Child Number One: "I love ice cream!"

Grammar School Child Number Two: "Me too. Especially soft serve. I love that stuff."

Number One: "So what were you guys playing?"

Number Two: "Soccer."

Number One: "Yeah, soft serve is the best."





(Overheard on Glenwood Street)

Loses All Its Nutrients?

Guy from Kansas, chopping carrots: "If we're cutting this up so finely, doesn't it lose all its nutrients?"

Woman: "HAHA! That doesn't matter!"

Guy from Kansas: "But... if you cook it, it does, right?"

Woman: "That's different!"






(Overheard in a kitchen on Brighton Avenue)

In A Can

Intoxicated individual: "Hey! You've got - that's my shirt!! Rude!"

Just a Guy: "Hey! Go do it in a can!"




(Overheard on the Maine State Pier)

High School Will Be Better, I Promise

Eager middle school girl: "Did you notice my new sweatshirt from Aéropostale?"

Snotty middle school girl: "No. I didn't."





(Overheard near King Middle School on the first day of school)

Religious Dialogue on Congress Street

Angrily shouting homeless guy number one: "The Ten Commandments were written for Moses! That's who they were written for!"

Angrily shouting homeless guy number two: "The Ten Commandments were written for the Jewish people! And no one else!"





(Overheard on Congress Street by Margot)

How To Meet Your Next Date?

Parking guy: "Hey, I've dated some of the women whose cars I've booted. I've even had to boot some of them again."





(Overheard on Sliver Street)

Infrared Conversion

Customer: "Photoshop has an infrared conversion effect??"




(Overheard by Anthony Joe at the Photo Market)

Crazy Navajo

Crazy guy, doing spiritual native American hand gestures: "Hey sister! Any chance you can help out a crazy Navajo?"

Me, a boy: "What?"

Crazy Navajo: "I'm wet, I'm from Tuscon Arizona, and I need your umbrella!"





(Overheard by IWH on Congress Street in the rain)

And You Know What That Means!

Girl, describing why her two friends should meet and possibly hit it off romantically: "She likes tinctures, he likes tinctures..."





(Overheard by JR at Arabica)

So Cute

Crazy Woman with gold tooth: "How old is your baby?"

Babysitter: "Almost a year."

Crazy Woman: (laughs maniacally for an extremely uncomfortable length of time)

Crazy Woman: "She's so cute! How old is she?"




(Overheard by Z and I in Monument Square)

Hands Up, Buddy

Little Kid A to Little Kid B: "I've got seaweed, and I'm not afraid to use it!"






(Overheard by Anonymous at Crescent Beach)