2-Ply

Man to woman: "What do you think you are doing? We need this -- I have a two-ply butt."

Woman to man: "Oh, sensitive New Age guy?"






(Overheard at the Forest Avenue Hannaford)

Sexiest Man

Man to woman: "Do you want People? It's got the sexiest man!"

Male cashier, indignantly, and with a strong Maine accent: "Sexiest man, hrrmph, well they didn't ask my opinion."




(Overheard by JR at the Portland Jetport)

Role Model

Fully grown, adult man on cellphone: "Holy fuck, he was so cool. I really want to be cool like that."




(Overheard at Hannaford)

The Dog

Fancy guy, to friend: "Yeah, she's gone, but I got the dog!"





(Overheard by Margot somewhere south of Portland)

Careful Where You Step

Girl to her friend: "Careful where you step. Those yellow berries smell like dog poop!"






(Overheard on Spring Street, passing Ginkgo Trees)

Discussing Gay Marriage With a Ten Year Old

Ten year-old: "Do we even know any gay people?"

Mom: "Well, what about Nellie's dads?"

Ten year-old, incredulous: "Nellie's dads are gay?!"




(Overheard by Emily in Topsham)

Virtually Overheard

Short dude with hippy-like hair: "I just want you to know, I did NOT cut you off, I was there BEFORE that dude..."




(Overheard, sort of, on Craigslist.)

It's a Glamorous Life

Drug dealer in line at the bank, whispering, just prior to exchanging ten dollars in penny rolls for a Hamilton: “Yeah. I got two left. Yeah, I got weed. Dude, I’m at the bank! Can I call you back?”




(Overheard by AP at Bank of America)

Crazy

Son: "Do you remember Michel, the crazy guy?"

Mother: "He wasn't crazy, he was just Canadian."

(Overheard by DM on State Street)

Restaurant Review

Hobbit-like woman, to friend: "The Corner Room was terrible. The whole experience was kinda gay. Good thing I didn't pay. I'm a woman; that's my rule."





(Overheard by AS at the UHaul on Marginal Way)

A Religious Education

Mom, having just explained what a cemetery is for: "Do you know anyone who has died?"

Preschooler number one: "Jesus."

Preschooler number two: "Who's Jesus?"

Preschooler number one: "You know... that naked guy."




(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at Evergreen Cemetery)

Call This Number

(Seen by IWH near USM)

Hamster Derby

Cyclist number one: "I went to the coffee shop up on the hill yesterday."

Cyclist number two: "Oh, so you do have a life!"

Cyclist number three to Cyclist number four: "So, you have hamster derby kids?"

Cyclist number four: "Yep, two of 'em! My wife wants to race sometime, so that should be pretty wild."

Cyclists numbers one, two, and three: "Oh yeah! Put 'er there!"



(Overheard on the Eastern Prom)

Watergate

Teacher, to history class: "What I remember about Watergate was being with my grandmother, and she was crying. And I just wanted her to make me a grilled cheese sandwich."

Student: "That's such a great memory! You remember the exact situation!"

Teacher: "Yes, all I cared about was that grilled cheese sandwich. You know, that's just how children are. Especially fat children!"




(Overheard at a Portland high school by Margot)

Walking For My Heart

Younger man to older man, who is shuffling: "Are you okay? Can I help you?"

Older man: "No, but thanks. I've got bad feet."

Younger man: "I see you walking all the time."

Older man: "Indeed, I walk for my heart. I still need to take care of all of me."

Younger man: "You GO!"




(overheard early in the morning on Park Street)

I Think She Means "Heron."

Girl on bike calling to friends on bikes: "Another huge herring!"




(Overheard by John R on the Back Cove trail)

Eighth Grade

Crazy guy in art gallery: "In life, it's not all about EDUCATION. You need, need, to learn important survival skills. If you're at a party... and there's alcohol... know what I'm sayin'? Get a glass of water between every 2, 3 drinks."

13 year old boy: "Ok."

Crazy guy in art gallery: "What grade are you in?"

13 year old boy: "Eighth..."

Crazy guy in art gallery: "Ooh. Eighth grade. That's a tough one. I got 4 of my teeth knocked out. I got my arm broken. All in eighth grade. See this? *Shows hand* A kid, stabbed me. Eighth grade."

13 year old boy: "Wow... So, what do you do?"

Crazy guy in art gallery: "If I told you... you see, the last person I told. My doctor. He DIED. He died of a heart attack."




(Overheard by IWH at a Portland art gallery during artwalk)

Those Were The Days

One shopper to another: "You know it, man! Like peyote buttons and Disaronno!"



(Overheard at Rosemont Market by MD)

Virtually Overheard

One health conscious man to another: "we met today near the almond butter."





(Sort of overheard on craigslist)

Are You a Good Witch? Or a Bad Witch?

Guy running up to me: "Are you an undercover cop giving out tickets, or a vigilante secretly feeding the meter?"

Me (somewhat shocked by the question): "I am just unlocking my bike."

Guy (putting quarters in meter): "Oh."





(Overheard beside a parking meter in downtown Portland by JR)

Lollygagging

Sketchy street kid: "Hey, how's it going?"

Man walking by: "It's going fine."

Street kid: "Hey, can I borrow your cell phone?"

Man: "Uh, sure." (dials for the kid, then hands over the phone)

Street kid, into cell phone: "I'm at the corner, man! Quit lollygagging!"




(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

Half-Vegetarian

Middle School Aged Boy 1: "Today is International Hug a Vegetarian Day!"

*Everyone around gives hugs*

Middle School Aged Boy 2: :Wait, aren't you only, like, half vegetarian? Like, your mom is vegetarian, and you're dad's like, Colombian or something like that, right?"




(Overheard at King Middle School)

A Big Problem in Haiti

Hipster girl, pushing her bike while talking on her cell phone: "What if she gets kidnapped and turned into a zombie? I hear that's a big problem in Haiti. Is that what you're worried about? (pauses to listen) No, listen, this is legit!"

(Overheard on Congress Street by Margot)

Cookies

Women #1, admiring cookie cutters: "I like these, I could put them on my kitchen wall."

Women #2: "Or you could make some cookies."





(Overheard at LaRoux's Kitchen, cookie cutter wall)

I Triple Dogg Dare You

It's a Rental

Dad, to his son who is driving: "It doesn't matter if you ride the curb. It's a rental."




(Overheard on Park Street)

I only eat soft serve!

Grammar School Child Number One: "I love ice cream!"

Grammar School Child Number Two: "Me too. Especially soft serve. I love that stuff."

Number One: "So what were you guys playing?"

Number Two: "Soccer."

Number One: "Yeah, soft serve is the best."





(Overheard on Glenwood Street)

Loses All Its Nutrients?

Guy from Kansas, chopping carrots: "If we're cutting this up so finely, doesn't it lose all its nutrients?"

Woman: "HAHA! That doesn't matter!"

Guy from Kansas: "But... if you cook it, it does, right?"

Woman: "That's different!"






(Overheard in a kitchen on Brighton Avenue)

In A Can

Intoxicated individual: "Hey! You've got - that's my shirt!! Rude!"

Just a Guy: "Hey! Go do it in a can!"




(Overheard on the Maine State Pier)

High School Will Be Better, I Promise

Eager middle school girl: "Did you notice my new sweatshirt from Aéropostale?"

Snotty middle school girl: "No. I didn't."





(Overheard near King Middle School on the first day of school)